In this, my first official post as a fully paid (14.95) member of the Straight Dope Message Board, I ask that you writers of wit, you pulchritudinous posters of great perception, and you slingers of sarcasm provide me with whatever skills have made you the poster that you are.
In other words, I wish to become the Voltron of the Straight Dope.
Do not be afraid! No manner of expertise, no matter how trivial it may seem, will be turned away.
I thank you in advance,
RancidYakButterTeaParty
Beware the goats. They love members who have just paid.
If someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!
Bad things always come in threes.
Beware the trolls.
I bestow upon thee the following Powers 'O Hal:
Gargantuan Threads Of Utter Silliness, Well-Received Posts Of Utter Embarrassment, and the ability to Contribute Ridiculous Yet Entertaining Typos.
Use these powers wisely, young Padawan.
And watch out for goats.
Especially the shiney ones with flamethrowers.
Superhero? Not me. I’m just a mild-mannered reporter for MPSIMS.
I prefer to think about all the finite numbers of subjects out there that I have yet to discover and then find a way to mock each and every one of them.
It is more of a life’s goal, really.
Here are some hints:
Have a glass of wine. After that, you’ll have ALL the answers for the "General Questions’ crowd. I mean, they have such EASY question! Then post your deep, dark secrets in MPSIMS. You will be loved.
Err…at least you’ll get some interesting replies.
L
If you’ve never vomited on your own shoes, you don’t know that it won’t give you superpowers. I’m just sayin’ is all…
What is someone else vomitted on your shoes?
L
Move out of Columbus. Become less pretentious.
Oh, and pig farts and lollipops!
Becoming a wise man is a journey that can fill a lifetime and empty a life.
Becoming a wise guy, on the other hand, can be accomplished in an afternoon with little effort.
Know yourself and choose wisely, little grasshopper.
Bill, I’ll give you some “superhero” advice. Don’t think that a decent Comfest slot makes you a superpower in town. I’ve met you, and you’re a dick. Arrogance gets you nowhere, and you never know what results from you offending a person with influence.
Damn, it’s great to get that off my chest. How many times have I been asked “what do you think of RYBTP?” and I’ve answered “I’ve spoken with three of them, the only guy that wasn’t a complete cock, was the singer, and he was just out there.”
I love Mr. Bungle, I love experimental music, I even love theremins, but I hate pretentious bastards that get a god complex after a decent write up in The Other Paper.
Your sullen, brooding, holier-than-thou persona now defines you. You’ve made your bed…
Are you serious?
You didn’t bring pie??
Welcome! I have no advice because I have no gift of sarcasm.
Oh. And don’t let the goat sneak up behind you. He can be a bit forceful.
:Casually strolls out of thread tossing walnuts about…:
Name-calling will not be tolerated in MPSIMS. You’ve been here long enough to know this, dnooman.
Do not do this again, if you value your posting privileges.
Cajun Man
for the SDMB
Hate to spoil your fun, but I’m no Bill. Me Joe. Glad to meet you though, and I think the advice is great. If you are kidding, on the other hand, then that is some funny stuff.
I did, but unfortunately when I was whipping up the ingredients the only butter I had around was, well…you know.
Hal thanks for the threads, I have been laughing all day. I often go to hear live music in small clubs, would it be possible for me to borrow your earpugs?
Originally Posted by Little Nemo
So am I Padawan or little grasshopper? How about “little Padagrass”?
comes in, flirts with and seduces RancidYakButterTeaParty, hops out again
Goddesses get to have all the fun. 
Now those are some superpowers! If you want more details about my seduction, just let me know…