Women - Sensitive about size/weight during sex?

[Scarlett67]

@Misnomer

I generally avoid speaking for other women, but I can’t imagine any woman thinking of her boobs as part of her fat – even though technically they are.

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat attractive?
A: Put a nipple on it.

[Mouse_Maven]

@Draelin

Yes, I’m sensitive. <snip> But ten years later, I still believe deep inside that I’m just too ugly to have sex with–and I’m not ugly. I’m not even that fat. But what one knows and what one believes can be vastly different, especially when you’re talking about female body issues.

I don’t avoid positions and I try to put all doubts out of my mind when it gets down to the fleshy part, but there is always a small voice in my head that says “This guy is only having sex with you because he couldn’t find anybody hotter.”
Honey, you’ve just found the root of all my personal sexual difficulties. :rolleyes:

You’re not alone Draelin, I have the exact same problem. With the exception of Mouse_Spouse, every partner I had critized how I look. To this day, I feel uncomfortable about my appearance and have a hard time relaxing. (Therefore orgasms are a rare thing for me.)

[amarinth]

As sad as I intellectually know it is, I’m in the same camp as the woman referenced in the OP and Draelin (including the same small voice. I hate that voice.)

[Draelin]

@amarinth

As sad as I intellectually know it is, I’m in the same camp as the woman referenced in the OP and Draelin (including the same small voice. I hate that voice.)

That’s the problem–intellectually and objectively, we know we’re not hideous. That’s the part that totally pisses me off. :mad:

[tremorviolet]

@amarinth

As sad as I intellectually know it is, I’m in the same camp as the woman referenced in the OP and Draelin (including the same small voice. I hate that voice.)

Same here. I wish I could be that kind of confident, open woman but, despite being relatively thin and in shape, I’m always worried about the slight pooch I get when I bend a certain way, the cellulite on the backs of my thighs, and if my tits flatten out and look weird at certain angles.

[UntouchedTakeaway]

@Eonwe

The other night I was talking with three good friends of mine (both women), and we got to talking about sex. One of them was talking about enjoying being on top, to which another replied (approximately): “I don’t like being on top during sex because I feel like I’m so heavy, and the guy can see all my fat bouncing around.” The third one agreed.

I was dumbfounded. If I was worried about how I looked during sex I don’t think I’d ever have it, and I certainly wouldn’t enjoy it much.

And, not that it matters much, but these are not women who I would imagine to have body image issues. Relatively thin, small women.

So, to the ladies out there. Are you sensitive about how you look during sex? Do you avoid positions specifically because you’re affraid they make you look bad?

I was amazingly more confident as an obese woman - probably because I had been that way for so long. Now that I’m not any longer, I have a lot of excess skin and that makes me much more self-conscious and uncomfortable. Add that to the angst of trying to decide when to tell a potential partner about said skin and it’s sometimes almost too much to bear.

VCNJ~

[DianaG]

I know that the whole point of irrational feelings is that no amount of logic helps, but…

First of all, if you’re there, and willing to have sex with him, he’s happy. He’s thrilled with your naked presence, and he’s thinking of fucking you, not taking a tape measure to your thighs.

Secondly, in the extremely unlikely event that he’s comparing you to anyone, it’s other women he’s slept with, not Heidi Klum. And since he’s much more likely to have slept with a bunch of women who look like you than with a bunch of women who look like Heidi Klum, you’re probably measuring up just fine.

[UntouchedTakeaway]

@Veuve_ClicquotNJ

I was amazingly more confident as an obese woman - probably because I had been that way for so long. Now that I’m not any longer, I have a lot of excess skin and that makes me much more self-conscious and uncomfortable. Add that to the angst of trying to decide when to tell a potential partner about said skin and it’s sometimes almost too much to bear.

VCNJ~

And another thing! (lol)

I look “normal” in clothes. Spanx can go a loooong way to camoflage things. When you’re obese - it’s fairly (heh) apparent. I sometimes feel I’m in the business of false advertising.

[Mouse_Maven]

@DianaG

Secondly, in the extremely unlikely event that he’s comparing you to anyone, it’s other women he’s slept with, not Heidi Klum. And since he’s much more likely to have slept with a bunch of women who look like you than with a bunch of women who look like Heidi Klum, you’re probably measuring up just fine.

I may not see him looking lustly at pictures of his past lovers, but I will see him salivating over Heidi Klum (or a similar woman) in magazines, on TV and film.

[DianaG]

@Mouse_Maven

I may not see him looking lustly at pictures of his past lovers, but I will see him salivating over Heidi Klum (or a similar woman) in magazines, on TV and film.

Sure, and you no doubt lust over pictures of some male heartthrob, but do you compare your actual lovers to him?

[Mouse_Maven]

@DianaG

Sure, and you no doubt lust over pictures of some male heartthrob, but do you compare your actual lovers to him?

Good point. Rationally, I know that my lover and I will never look like movie stars. I just worry that my partner wants something better and may end the relationship (or cheat) to get it.

[CalMeacham]

Good point. Rationally, I know that my lover and I will never look like movie stars. I just worry that my partner wants something better and may end the relationship (or cheat) to get it.

A Bush in the hand is worth two on the mind.

[corkboard]

@Mouse_Maven

I may not see him looking lustly at pictures of his past lovers, but I will see him salivating over Heidi Klum (or a similar woman) in magazines, on TV and film.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t just as turned on by you. And you have the advantage, because you’re right there with him and can distract him from Heidi with your many womanly talents.

[Tully_Mars]

“Honey, does this position my my ass look fat?”

or

Cosmo headline: “10 New Positions to Make Your Ass Look Slimmer While Doing the Wild Thing!”
Ladies, if I can make y’all laugh about, maybe I can help you get over it. Because, it’s not a big deal.

[Mouse_Maven]

@Tully Mars

Cosmo headline: “10 New Positions to Make Your Ass Look Slimmer While Doing the Wild Thing!”

I wouldn’t be surprized if this was an actual article.

[Kalhoun]

[QUOTE=Tully MarsCosmo headline: “10 New Positions to Make Your Ass Look Slimmer While Doing the Wild Thing!”
[/QUOTE]

1. Beer Goggles
2. Only sleep with people fatter than you
3. Get enormous breast implants

[DiosaBellissima]

I certainly can understand why various women have their hang ups and such, many of which were touched on in this thread- but for me, I just say to myself, “If he’s trying to do me, clearly he’s attracted to me in some way.”

Yeah, maybe my gut is a bit of a turn off, but maybe he really likes my hips or thighs. Or maybe my tits aren’t as perky as someone with Bs, but my Ds serve an entirely different and exciting purpose.

Plus, I’m sure his stomach is too thick for my tastes or maybe other things aren’t thick enough. So what? The rest of the package (har har) can make up for the shortcomings (hardy har har).

[Angel_of_the_Lord]

I figure the following:

1.) There’s no denying that I’m overweight. Any guy with eyes is going to notice that long before we get to the sweaty, naked stage.

2.) I’m not going to look any thinner lying on the bed.

3.) So fuck it. Or him.

[Ghanima]

At a very young age I read an article where a guy was interviewed about this very subject, and he said that it was way more of a turn-off when a woman tried to cover up her perceived flaws than when she just forgot about it and relaxed. I have always tried to remember that. However, not too long ago, my boyfriend wanted to do “reverse cowgirl.” I was reluctant, and he asked why, and I admitted that I was afraid of how my butt looked in that position. After some reassurance, I was OK with it. It is sometimes very difficult to not be concerned about the cellulite on one’s own ass.

[Stuffy]

It’s threads like this that make me glad I’m not a woman. I don’t know if this will help or hurt but as a sort of PSA:

LADIES: THE MAN HAS PICTURED YOU NAKED, LONG*, LONG** , LONG*** BEFORE YOU GOT TO THE BED. RELAX AND ENJOY!

*Probably before asking you out.
**While he was thinking of a way to approach
***Before he learned your name