This is honestly the first time I’ve ever heard of this issue. When I’m having sex I do NOT think about how I look during it. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I did, I’d never have sex again.
I’m big. The Tashaboy doesn’t care. The only reason I don’t like me on top is because it hurts my hips more than any other position - and if I’m in the mood to be in charge, then I’m gonna be on top anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
When it comes to sex, I don’t think looks amount to much. Someone who is hot is not necessarily going to be good in bed - Air Force Amy, who is one of the ladies who worked at the Moonlight Bunnyranch one town over from me, was ugly as hell (well, her body was pretty, but her face was ick), and apparently one of the best lays there. Think, ladies - do you think he cares how you look mid-sex? His goal has been met - his penis is in your vagina. I’m not making men out to be single-minded, but that IS the goal of sex - to have sex - not look pretty doing it. The only people that should worry about how they look during sex is porn stars.
Do guys really cheat on their lovers because the new girl is thinner? That just doesn’t seem like the reason someone would step out. If you’re not fucking him because you think you’re too fat, or you’re too self-conscious to enjoy sex with him, and he finds someone who is more into it, now THAT might drive him away. The reasons people cheat, I think, are rarely about an empirical comparison of hotness between SO and other woman. JMO.
Then you don’t know women all that well. Many think this. Many tell other women this. I have lost count of how many women have advised me to have a breast reduction because it would get rid of some fat and bring me down a dress size. These are typically the same women who talk about strategies for getting in bed with a man without letting him see them.
I do not have time in my life for such nonsense. First, of course I look fat, I am fat. This was not always the case, but i never let my weight bother me when it was time to have sex. I am not self conscious when having sex. I don’t turn out the lights, and I don’t worry about how a position will make me look. I enjoy sex and make sure my partner does too. The only exception to the self consciousness was for a while after giving birth. I had a third degree tear and the scar made me feel awkward and ugly.
I’ve heard men (my father and his father) say that if their current partner gained weight, they’d leave to find someone else. They were shallow, hurtful men, but I can’t help but wonder how many guys think the same way.
But don’t you see, that’s the problem: what if the actual nakedness doesn’t measure up to the imagined nakedness?
They are thinking of your boobs as part of your fat. Do they think of their own boobs as fat? Either way, I amend my statement to “I can’t imagine any reasonable woman thinking of her boobs as part of her fat.”
(As for how well I do or don’t know women, that’s why I generally avoid speaking on behalf of all of us!)
I used to worry about it, until I met my husband. And even then, I worried a bit about it until I realized he doesn’t care what I look like or how fat I may be, I’m beautiful to him (and he tells me so). It also helps that I’ve lost enough weight to make a whole supermodel, but whatever.
When I was about 7 months pregnant, I complained to the husband that my hips were spreading and I felt really fat. A few days later while engaging in the only position which was still comfortable, he looked down at my expanse and remarked that yeah, he saw what I meant about my wide hips. He got a kick.
No, I’m not. That’s one of the times when I’m not worried about my weight, actually. I figure that if my partner wants to be with me, then I shouldn’t be concerned about how I look, since obviously they like that enough. Sex is one of the areas of life where I’m focused on what my body can do for me and my partner, and I don’t really care how I look.
The only time I’ve been concerned with how my body looked during sex was when I was with a woman, since the women I’ve been with have had much better figures than I have. They found me attractive, though, so it didn’t really bother me enough to keep me from enjoying myself and making sure they enjoyed themselves.
Unfortunately, it’s the only thing I think about during the act. And unfortunately, I never enjoy sex, so I avoid it since it only causes me grief. I think a lot of it stems from the first guy I ever ‘dated’ who basically told me he didn’t care who he slept with, as long as they weren’t fatter than him or more than 20 years older than him. And since I fit into that model (barely in the weight part), he was cool with me. Of course I had SERIOUS self esteem issues already at that point, so this just kinda nailed it for me. Over five years later and I still can’t spend a single moment with someone without thinking about how bad I look. It sucks
I’m about 25 pounds from skinny, but during sex it’s the last thing I’m thinking about. It doesn’t even cross my mind. I agree that it’s one time you can and should focus on how great your body is- why, just look at the pleasure it gives you and him/her/them!
I realize that this has to deal with some deep-seated esteem issues and nothing I say will undo all of that in another woman, but it makes me sad to read that so many women don’t enjoy sex because they hate their bodies.
Wow, I didn’t think that you could think about much else during sex than the big O. When I do start thinking about other things during sex it is never about me or my body (it is usually about laundry or washing the car or something) and generally it is a signal that we need to switch positions or something cause this one isn’t doing it for me at the moment.
The very first girl I ever slept with was a bit overweight. After we were done, somehow (I don’t recall how) the subject of her weight came up. I commented that she could stand to lose a few pounds (Don’t beat me, I was 17 and not too bright) she said something that has hit home, and has stuck with me till this day. It ain’t what you got, it is how you use it. If you like how I use it, don’t complain about what I got
Smart girl that. I listened and learned.
Pop quiz: Who is the most sexy woman in the world?
Answer: the one that I am in bed with.
Not Heidi Klum or Angelina Jolie, but the real life woman that I am in bed with.
I feel self-conscious when taking off my clothes for the first time (would help if he did it), because uhm yeah, there’s quite a bit of cellullite around here and here and…
but heck, once we’re in bed, with all those strange noises and stuff? Nope, I’m too busy fucking to worry about orange peel.
It’s an excuse. I’m often amazed by how many men marry a woman of a certain type… get her to change… then leave her for someone who is like she used to be. And yeah, they’re jerks.
Wow. This is saddening. I understand why women can have body issues, but to have it ruin sex. . .
Well, let me add my voice to the chorus of “If I am having sex with you, it’s becuase I want you . And part of my wanting you is that I find you physically attractive.” I don’t sleep with women I don’t find attractive. You may think something’s wrong with you, but I sure don’t.
Besides, it’s not like I am some Adonis. I’m not bad looking, but I’m very unlikely to set hearts aflutter. I’m considering myself lucky that she’s there with me in the first place.
And if we are having sex, my mind is on. . . other things.
