Oh well you’re alright innit. Its the foreigners in general what i’m talking about.
Plus at least you lot speak English (or summat much like it). Not like the bloody Frogs and A-Rabs.
(etc.)
London’s great today. I sit next to a floor-to-ceiling window so am having hours of fun watching people on Ladbroke Grove who, caught in the sudden torrential downpours, get absolutely fucking drenched before they can get their umbrellas out.
I’m a merry old soul me. 
Hey it’s really sunny here today. First time since fucking April though. I think I might climb a hill, or go to the pub. Pub probably.
You too can piss off, Struan. Until I can go and sit outside, I’m officially in a huff.
Everything is really, deeply, green! The novelty of this wore out in the first week of June though. I wish my lawn would stop growing LIKE THE FUCKING BOUNTIFUL VERDANT COCK-KNOCKER IT IS! Gaaah!
It’s knocking you there? You really should cut it way before it gets to that stage.
Would you like to buy some used North Dakota weather jokes? Cheap? Can be easily adapted, just translate into English.
Nice arboretum, dude. I bet that was the size of household cress before this summer of dread.
You ain’t far wrong. Thankfully, I have very little to do with it, other than eat the produce
I never thought I’d say this- No, scratch that, I never thought I’d be able to say this with other people around: I could go for a little global warming right about now. Suck it, Leo DiCaprio!
I am hoping strongly that you’ll get absolutely sloshed by a passing lorry driving through a puddle on the way to your tube station, you nasty nasty man. You deserve it for laughing at the pain of others that way.
I’ll exchange you more water than you can ever use* for a little heat? You can keep the insanely low winter temps though.**
** the coldest it’s ever been here is -18C, but that’s about 18 degrees colder than it usually gets. Last winter didn’t get below freezing at all.
Hah - jokes on you! I get the bus!
IN YOUR FACE IPSWICHER!
Agreed - this’d better mean we get some proper snow this winter. I built a sledge two autumns back, in preparation for the ‘really cold winter’ we were supposed to be getting. We had enough snow to build a snowman fully five inches tall.
Ooooh, there’s another one? 
Hey, if its any consolation, they’re all moaning about the “bloody English-style weather” here.
Moaning about the weather. Not just a British pastime. 
Lo siento, perro no hablo Limey.
Free translation - I’m sorry, I don’t speak Limey.
The weather’s got me fucked off and I’ve already indiscriminately threatened the whole of England if the weather doesn’t change immediately, but no reason I can’t add you to the list!
It’s because I didn’t visit your fine country this summer. I was there last year and there was a “heat wave”*. When I come back, I’ll bring summer. If you ask nicely, I might leave the humidity at home.
(*Considering that eastern NC has been suffering under 100+ degree days with 150% humidity for the last few weeks, I can honestly say that there is a cultural divide in our definitions of heat wave. Me being able to wear jeans in the middle of London in July is not a heat wave. That is an anomaly I still haven’t been able to comprehend.)
How does 150% humidity work?
You take a knife with you whenever you go outside to slice off some air whenever you want to breathe.
“Absolute” or “specific” humidity is the ratio of mass of water vapour to mass of dry air in a given volume of air. When expressed as a percentage it can be significantly over 100%, as there’s no reason why there can’t be more water vapour than air knocking around.
Relative humidity (the more common measure) is the absolute humidity as a percentage of the absolute humidity at saturation (i.e. the amount of vapour relative to the most vapour the air could possible hold at its current temperature and pressure). This can never be more than 100%, since any more water vapour would just condense out.
Anyway: yes, fuck this weather. I went out in a fricking coat yesterday, and still felt chilly. Bah. Stoopid jetstream.
