As it is written, so shall it be. Amen and Amen.
Sorry. As is written in King Arthur, “I am smitten upon
the old wound”…but thats for another thread on another day.
<puts soap box back into storage>
I had one done when I was 20, and I do have some regrets. I will probably not be able to breastfeed when I have a baby and that really sucks to me. I even brought the subject up to my doctor after he recommended the reduction and he glossed over it, saying I could probably BF after the surgery, and if I didn’t have the surgery, I was so large that I probably wouldn’t be able to BF anyway. Which, I have since discovered, is untrue.
Would it have changed me mind if I’d discovered otherwise? I honestly don’t know. I am very pleased with the results, and I’m much happpier - my entire body looks proportioned, finally, and I can wear the clothes my friends wear and look good in them. But I had a choice taken away from me, one that was very important to me, and I do feel a bit betrayed by that. I know it’s not the end of the world for most people, but it’s sad for me.
With that said, getting a reduction is completely YOUR choice. If you’re at all interested, talk to your doctor. But screw these assholes who feel the need to tell you things you already know. I had a guy in band when I was in college look at me in class one day and say “Hey, is ALL that your boobs under there?”. Thanks, asshole, like I wasn’t self-conscious enough already:rolleyes: .
Ava
Hey, I personally think that tact and common courtesy are essential social skills that need to be learned at an early age, the earlier the better.
And a guy what ain’t learnt 'em… well… punish the guy.
Don’t let him breed.
At least, not with YOU.
You know Deathray has a song called “now that I am blind.” I’ve heard that there’s a danger of blinding if a really busty woman goes jogging without a sports bra. Small world, isn’t it?
So did this ruin his chances of landing a date? 
I rarely laugh aloud at anything I read on the SDMB, but this made me go “thhbptHAHAHA” so loud that the paralegal across the hall probably thinks I’m choking to death in here.
quote]I don’t consider what he did ‘stepping on my toes.’ I consider it rude and I have explained why. If you persist in telling me that I am going to be an unhappy and lonely person because I expect common courtesy from people who profess to be my friends, then I fear we are at an impasse.
[/quote]
You are ABSOLUTELY right ON here!!!
There is NOTHING 'oh, you’re bound to be unhappy and lonely for expecting common courtesy" ABOUT the situation you describe in the OP.
Avhi, sorry, I haven’t seen any of your other posts or threads, so I’m not trying to be mean :), but you’re wrong.
It’s NOT okay to make rude comments and then rationalize or excuse them on the basis of the other person “not knowing” (what’s that old saying?? “ignorance of a law doesn’t excuse your responsibility of it”???), NOR does it mean that the person calling them on their rude unacceptable behaviour is “doomed to be alone and unhappy” because they refuse to accept bad treatment from someone.
I know a person like this, says whatever fool thing comes to his head, and then when he’s called on it says something inane like “well I didn’t mean anything BY it, I just don’t believe in ‘holding in my feelings’ etc”.
Example, he was telling me how strong my boyfriend is by describing how he (the boyfriend) had single handedly tossed a rear end for a truck into the back of a transport vehicle. (like I don’t already know how strong my own boyfriend is).
He says “wow, if “shoes’ guy” lost some weight, he’d have his choice of women”!!!
He saw absolutely NOTHING wrong with that statement. Either the insulting “if he lost some weight” OR the fact that I must be “chopped liver” and that Luke’s only with me because he’s too fat to get anything better!!!
Thumper’s mom had it right, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”!!!
I knew the chances I’d be able to breastfeed are pretty much nil, but the chances of my being able to carry a baby without serious risks to my own health are so high that I’ve begun considering going ahead and getting my tubes tied. If I have kids I won’t be giving birth to them, so I’m not going to be breastfeeding. And even if I’d had the option, it was a worthy trade-off for me. YMMV.
I don’t understand why the idiots who picked on me about stuffing my bra in middle school – which I never did, but according to them I had to be since the girls were so big – never realized that if I HAD been stuffing, I certainly would have STOPPED when they picked on me about it!
I saved one of my old bras and have an occasional laugh at it. Nobody who has seen it doubts that I made a good decision to go ahead with the surgery.
I don’t know why some people feel obligated to comment on other people’s appearance to their face. I might, upon seeing a VERY thin woman, fervently hope that she’s naturally that thin, but I would never tell her to go eat something! Nor would I tell anybody they should have major surgery because I don’t like the way some part of their body looks!
elegiac, sorry, but my name was called. Apparently I still have a dog in the fight.
As far as I can tell, the conversation went something like this:
Him: “God, YES, I need to lose weight.”
Her (commiserating): “Yeah, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself.”
Him: “You’re not bad, but - if I can be frank - it’s all kinda concentrated in one place. You know, I have a friend who had breast reduction surgery…”
He did not walk up to her in the street and go “Hey lady, yer boobs are too big - cut 'em off!”
Let’s look at his conversational choices after she said her commiseration:
Her (commiserating): “Yeah, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself.”
Him:
-
“Hell, yes, you sure could! You’re a real porker!”
-
“Are you kidding? Lose another ounce and you’ll waste away!”
-
Absolutely not! You’re a goddess as you are!
-
“Soooo, howdya like Seabiscuit?”
-
What he said
-
would have made him the asshole you’re all calling him - rude, cruel and untrue. 2) and 3), while I’ve never seen elegiac, I’m assuming would have been rank and transparent flattery. Maybe that’s what elegiac wanted; in fact, I’d have to assume at this point that it is. Many friends don’t operate that way. 4) might well have left her wondering what he wasn’t saying - it certainly would have that effect on me.
What he did say suggested that, despite what she had just said about her own weight (and he, not being a mindreader, didn’t know that was just commiseration), she looked pretty good to him, and noting an area that was (gasp) less than perfect. He may well have been too blunt for your taste, but what he said was within the bounds of the conversation, not intended as an insult and not worded as one either!
CanvasShoes, telling me I’m wrong isn’t mean. It’s just misguided!
Again, it sounds as if for you folks, the only friends are those who only tell you what you want to hear, and woe betide anyone who doesn’t realize that and protect you from whatever cold, hard truth you don’t want to deal with, or watch his every word to make sure he doesn’t inadvertently hurt your feelings. Maybe that’s your idea of a great world, but I prefer the land of adults, thanks. Yes, life as proscribed by a Disney movie - that’s the life for me - not!
er, that would be prescribed, not proscribed!
idiot! :smack:
He could have said, ‘hey, would you like to work out together?’ or ‘got any healthy recipes?’ or something like that. That is a normal, polite, adult reply.
Please don’t try to tell me that because I prefer my friends to be polite that I can’t accept the cold, hard truth. Please refer to my OP if you need to be reminded of how I’ve learned to accept the truth about myself.
elegiac yep your post count has now changed. I can now raise my eyes from just staring at your post count and actually look you in your titles.
I assume this guy will continue being your friend. I give alot of slack to friends. But also I am glad you have crossed him off the “potential suitors” list. If he is trying to change you now, it will continue on into the future. No one needs that kind of a relationship.
p.s. so far I like your responses in this thread, very funny
Incorrect. I have seen people here assume that anyone who is thin to be “anorexic” and should therefore eat something. Which is so incredibly offensive I stand aghast.
But to say something similar in response to an overweight person, it gets jumped on and pounded into the ground how offensive it is.
I hate that, and it still goes on, and people just don’t seem to understand.
A lot of people are far more sensitive about being overweight than they are about being chesty (some even consider the latter a plus, although I understand why you wouldn’t, especially when you were much younger), so your suggestions about working out or recipes, by implying that he agreed about your being able to lose a few pounds, might well have been far more hurtful to many people than what he actually did say.
You’re doing a pretty good job of imitating some one who isn’t dealing with the truth very well, if this guy’s clumsy but well meant conversation drives you straight into ranting here about what a total asshole he is. He didn’t tell you to get breast reduction surgery; he told you about some one he knew who had it. He may honestly have thought you weren’t aware of its existence - after all, I didn’t recognize your sarcasm, and although I’m sure you disagree at this point, I’m really not a total idiot. I remember that I was very surprised the first time I ever heard of it.
This is not a matter of simple politeness; you folks were having a conversation about your bodies, and he obviously misread your willingness to hear an honest opinion. He was being highly self-critical, you played along with your commiseration, and he apparently thought it would be okay to discuss weaker points openly, which obviously it wasn’t. This isn’t some guy who walked up and criticized you out of the blue. It was within the context of the conversation.
So really, what he did was remind you of a characteristic of yourself with which you’re not very happy. The fact that it pissed you off this much rather suggests that you’re not as accepting as you would like to believe.
All of which is fine, except that in the meantime this guy gets written off as an asshole, instead of someone who misread the depth of the conversation. And while it has no impact on him (unless he happens to read this board), it seems rather unfair.
LOL!
Sweetie, you seem to be missing a VERY important point. Boobs are NOT in the “I need to lose a few pounds” category.
They are part and parcel of a woman’s body, fat or thin.
It is no more okay to comment on that attribute of her as it would be in elegiac’s analogy of telling a man he needed to change his penis size.
Whether or not a woman needs to lose weight, her BREAST size is irrelevent.
Mine are there to stay, they’re size 32 DDDs not matter HOW slim or chunky I get.
So him taking her commiseration of needing to lose weight, and jumping to “yeah, if you don’t mind my saying you could use a breast reduction” IS rude.
Now, if the conversation has gone something like
Him: dang, I need to lose a few pounds
Her: me too
Him: you know?? There’s a great book by this guy “XYZ” that lots of people are having success with, blah blah blah.
THAT’S acceptable.
Targeting a part of her body that is NOT related to fat loss or fat gain ISN’T.
Boobs are a secondary sexual characteristic, unlike getting too chunky it’s not the woman’s “fault” that they’re “too big” or too small.
What if the converse had gone something like this??
Him: I need to get in shape
Her: me too, I need to get back to the gym
Him: If you don’t mind my saying so, you look like you’re LACKING in one particular area, I know a great breast implant man…
Okay, NOW do you see the trouble here? And how yes, the guy was rude???
psssst still friends?? hehe
Again, I maintain that agreeing with a woman that she needs to lose weight runs one hell of a risk of hurting her! All the more because it is her “fault” if she’s overweight.
He was in fact maintaining that she wasn’t overweight, just a little overly concentrated. In a way that I will grant you was clumsy, he was, IMO, trying to reassure her!
But even if he had been critical, which I still think he was not, that was what the conversation was *about! He *thought they were having open analysis of their respective body faults. She obviously did not. That doesn’t make him rude, just mistaken on how open she was prepared to be.
BTW, I suspect most men would be utterly astonished that a woman would be sensitive about her boobs being “too big.”
Of course we’re still friends. You’re so clearly still in need of my wisdom!
Hey AvhHines – a woman from Trenton who’s opinion I agree with one-hundred percent… I’m going to have to check with my wife when I get home to see if she is you
I am of the opinion that if the OP is writing this fellow off as an ass, then there must be more in play that just a single statement.
On line, folks live and die by how carefully they choose their words, but in day-to-day life, there are so many more factors that go into the mix.
If someone made an offensive comment like that to me, and the comment clashed with my prior verbal and nonverbal experiences with the person, I would probably get mad at the moment, but I would then question whether I understood the intent correctly: Did the person say what I thought I heard, and did the person say it with the intent to displease me. I can get over almost anything someone says to me if I am fairly confident that the person didn’t wish any harm. Of course, I might state clearly that I was upset by the statement, but this is only fair – it gives the other an opportunity to apologize and learn from the experience.
Regardless of intent, if I have had a good friendship with someone, I would simply write off such a comment as poor judgment and let it pass into the mists of time.
Clearly, we are all different and we respond differently to the same circumstances, but from what I see here, I am inclined to say that if the fellow is now branded as a butthead forever, he has likely done other buttheaded things, perhaps nonverbal, prior to his comment that contributed to the OP’s opinion.
Unless you have turned into a dog named Max, either she is not or I’ve been having one hell of a hallucination these past few years!
I’m tired of overly sensitive bullshit like this. Girls’ tit-size is the equivalent of dick-size to guys (no reference, sorry). If I were to walk around with an 8 foot dick sticking out of my pants cuff and tied to my foot with my shoelaces I would expect comments, and many, many more female admirers. Make the most of it, do porn.