You win the Internet.
Back in the day, sonny, when I was young and attractive (now I’m just ‘ma’am’ :D), I dealt with my fair share of knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers who refused to take ‘no’ for an answer. I had no problem at all, ever, in dealing with these very public situations. In some cases, it was extreme luck: fending off entitled frat boys while drunk, half their size, and stumbling around their house (I’m still cringing at my stupidity, 25 years later). In most cases, it was that a polite but firm “I’m not interested, thanks” did the trick. Sometimes, I had to get downright nasty to get my point across. Most guys would walk away the very moment they realized that I wasn’t interested. Why WOULD they waste their time? They just moved on to the next (interchangeable) prospect.
Testosterone-fueled chumps who can’t read signals aren’t necessarily would-be rapists, and in fact, I’d venture that they seldom are. Probably the same reason why my younger self wasn’t yanked into a quiet corner or a bedroom while clearly incapacitated: Most guys aren’t interested in forcing sex on unwilling participants, and those who are do not pounce on their victims in crowded bars with bouncers and witnesses aplenty. If “barfly” was in any real danger, it would have been later that night as she left the bar, alone, and away from any would-be rescuers or witnesses. No, I wasn’t there. No, I can’t say with 100% certainty that she wasn’t in any danger of being attacked IN A BAR in front of DOZENS of witnesses. But I can say with 100% certainty that the very idea is absurd.
You’re still doing it.
You can’t know if he’s exaggerating. You weren’t there.
But you can’t know if that’s unrealistic either.
Look, it’s pretty obvious he said stupid, drunken things in his post, using stupid, drunken language. That’s irrelevant too. He may have been completely right about what he did and how he did it. Or not.
Um, that doesn’t make sense to me.
No, I’m just honest and reasonable. Don’t like it? I don’t care.
(This story isn’t related to the OP, but it’s related to your comment. Back in my day, ma’am, I went to a few frat parties myself. We learned about rape in college, and heard a few stories, but I never heard of it happening to an acquaintance, let alone witnessed it.
Many years later, a guy who had been at the same school at the same time, an alcoholic, finally went into rehab, and confessed to a girl he had raped in a fraternity many years before. She had never mentioned it to anyone. He faced rape charges for that, but he came forward. It’s freaky to think about that happening when I might have been right there, in the next room. I think about the other rapes happening around me that I never knew about. And I won’t discount them, even if I never personally know about them.)
Well, yeah - it’s pretty clear that there was no chance she was going to be RAPED in that bar. I’m not defending that, and Chessie was stupid to say it. But the douche could have been violent in other ways right there in that bar. That’s my point.
I think the problem here is that you’re focusing on the “rape” claim. I’m not. Nobody was in danger of being raped right there in that bar - of course not. But being punched? Maybe. That isn’t absurd - people get punched, or stabbed, or hit with a bottle, or whatever in bars in front of witnesses quite often.
To expand on my previous response - yeah, nobody was at risk of being raped, we can say that with high confidence. His title was stupid.
No, that’s Fred Garvin.
Darth Panda’s been served.
Rape 101?
You’re still being a douche.
So the OP is a liar and everything he posted has been a lie. Gotcha.
You can’t know this. You weren’t there.
You’re stupid. It’s ok we’ll let it pass.
It’s ok you go ahead and keep fucking that cactus. I won’t judge.
No, that was Marques Houston.
FWIW, you did the right thing. They will just have to deal with it.
Sometimes, good goes unnoticed, unrewarded and unappreciated. But deep inside, where it count, you know you did the right thing.
If posturing, peacocking, and going full drama-king before demanding extra credit for overreaching is the right thing, yep, that’s what he did.
If Barfly were concerned for her safety, she could have asked the staff for help or an escort out. If she were uncomfortable with the attention, she could have told the guy to fuck off, claimed to be taken/married/involved. She didn’t ask for help, so she owes the blustering OP thanks for escalating a situation that might have petered out on its own.
Marine got some because he played it cool. CS got flack for dishing out flack.
No I’m not.
Nope, didn’t say that.
Now you’re being a douche.
I think you’re proving the point that people can be assholes, even when they (presumably) aren’t drunk in bars.
Presumptuous of you, huh? Why would you assume someone isn’t sitting in a bar, drunk, typing on their iPad?
Or he could wait quietly until he was sure, in a restrained way. Calling the staff over would probably escalate things. He should do nothing except be prepared, and for the most part, that’s what he did.
I don’t think he was worried about the unwanted attention. I think he was worried that violence would break out. She wouldn’t be asking for help at that point, she’d be getting hit. I’m not saying it was a possibility, but I think that’s what he saw coming.
That’s true. Good observation. That’s the point where he screwed up, and Marine handle it correctly from beginning to end. Marine was just as prepared for a fight if it broke out. Marine didn’t call the staff over either.
Because I was afraid that the other comment that I wrote, and then erased, would violate forum guidelines.
People who wish to continue having fun in a bar discreetly consult with the staff about a problem. They don’t raise their hand Horshack style and yell for an intervention. You know, visiting the bartender under the pretense of ordering and mentioning a problem quietly. It’s possible to request help without looking like a second-grade tattletale.
For the purpose of this discussion, her nickname is “Barfly”. She’s probably got some experience dealing with unwanted attention. She didn’t ask for help. She didn’t ask him to make a scene or escalate things. And yeah, she apparently went home with the cool breeze who didn’t make a scene.
Please provide a link to your blog, I’d like to subscribe.
Absolutely not do anything differently. Here’s why. You guys can’t even agree on what happened, let alone what went wrong. The only thing uniting the masses is that they want to give me shit, except for Martin Hyde, septimus, Chef Troy, and lance.
Here, lemme show you:
See there? Somehow WisdomofLife missed the memo that my wife agreed with me rather quickly. Hell, if they even come back to this thread, I bet they won’t even be able to tell you why my wife was upset in the first place. I stated this several times, but the poster still went on and Interneted all over the place with their ridiculous “You and your spouse don’t agree all the time? Divorce!”
And here we have Giraffe claiming that I’m catching shit for my portrayal of events, not “anything [I did] really wrong.” So it’s actually my writing here that’s the problem, not my behavior on the scene.
And yet here, he knows full well my “couldn’t be more violent” was in response to his claim that maybe I misread the situation the guy wasn’t being violent after all. He knows it meant there was a 100% chance this guy was getting violent, not, say, 50% chance, and that the statement had nothing to do with his level of violence. But that doesn’t stop him from his sidetrack. Sure, he said in the same post that I didn’t do anything wrong, but yet somehow he thinks I can’t be quite sure what this guy’s intentions were. Curious logic, no?
And here, Tracijo67 and lance will perhaps be surprised if they reread the thread and find…I said no such thing! I never said she’d be raped IN THE BAR; that was you guys throwing that in there. I said she might get raped later, just as Tracijo67 herself suggests. I said she might be assaulted in the bar.
In fact, if you’ll recall, that was my entire reason for refusing to leave in the first place.
Or groped or pinched or fondled or kissed or licked or bit or, heck, even verbally harassed…or, of course, raped later in the alley he was so adamant about being joined in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…didn’t Giraffe tell us earlier that I was getting shit for my portrayal of events, not what I did? Looks like I’m catching shit for how I acted, not what I posted here. Hey, Giraffe, what gives?
Oh, ho! It’s not my peacocking afterall, is it? It’s that the ladies had it covered! They coulda handled it, Troppus is sure, even though we knew at the time and afterward that she did, in fact, need help and I didn’t, in fact, read it wrong. But it’s probably just the way I’d “chosen to portray these events to others,” right? I thought that’s the talking point we were going with.
And look here, panaccione. Now Troppus is confused about who did what. Marine did exactly what I did, just in reverse order. He talked to the friend, I dealt with the douche, then we switched. Then it was over. And then, we both got flak, simultaneously, in the form of sexist insults. He was no happier with the post-game treatment than I was. So I’m not sure where you’re getting this fantasy that we’re separate entities in this matter, either in the argument or what followed after.
So you tell me, panaccione, what exactly am I supposed to take away from this “feedback”? It’s like a shotgun blast of criticism in this thread. Y’all can’t even figure out what happened that night, let alone agree on what went wrong and where and why.
So when you all come to a consensus, let me know. I’ll take it under advisement. Until then, I’m just going to keep laughing at you all as you flop around, trying to find something concrete and truthful to latch onto. And at the novellas.
Hey, I got an idea for page 7! How about one’a you guys claim I started it? No one’s made that factual error in at least 150 posts…c’mon, it’ll be fun! All aboard!!
The only part of this story that is whack is that you called him “Chief”.
