No. No they don’t. One can make a comfortable life for themselves by listening to everything even sven has ever said and doing the exact opposite. woodstock’s reply is non sequitur and uses disparaging terms like “white knight” as if white knights were bad things. So yeah, I would mind rereading them, and I’m certainly not going to ponder them one second longer.
I don’t follow. I had a role to play. I played it. You don’t get to benefit from my playing the part and then make fun of me for having done so. If you do, I call you names on the Internet. You wanna detail why you think I can’t say something with a straight face?
Let me put this in terms you can perhaps understand. Let’s say you’re a mechanic and you’re driving home. You see someone you recognize obviously distressed over their flat tire. You stop, you fix their flat, and just as you finish, they say “Oh, zweisamkeit, it’s a good thing you never went to college or did anything with your life. You know how greasemonkeys are, always fixing flats, never getting real jobs.” How would that make you feel? Would you really say that the problem here is their lack of a thank-you? Or would it be something deeper than that?
You think I should be OK with someone making fun of me for saving their ass? Or are you still failing to understand that I did, in fact, save their ass?
Jesus Christ, I’ve been doing pretty well with drinking less, but Amateur Barbarian drove me to go out for a tipple.
Where are you from and who are your social circles?
Thanks for saying this so succinctly.
IMHO it’s better to be drinking with friends than alone.
Out of curiosity, how is it that you relate to Sir Richard F. Burton? Are you an explorer or a linguist or a sexual researcher?
I’m there with you, spiritually.
Yup. Knowing of Burton’s immersion in Islamic culture, I was curious to search out whether or not Burton drank (no small task due to the other Richard Burton). My first hit was this interesting anecdote from the Salt Lake Tribune
Sir Richard F. Burton, awesome dude, drinking and socializing with Mormons in 1860.
Oh, totally. I think it’s pretty clear that guy would have definitely raped both girls right there on the bar if you hadn’t stared him down with your steely gaze. But it’s a sad fact of life that true heroes never get the recognition they deserve. That’s why they have to make sure to explain to everyone they encounter what huge heroes they are. It’s just part of the job.
I’d call it sexual assault, too. Don’t know where the hell I said I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t call it rape, though, which is what we were talking about. I also see no mention in the OP of anyone being groped, though if they had, it would have made more sense for him to go caveman. Still be turned off by his attitude, though.
Nope. The new Irish pub down the block opened a few years go. Immediately became a hipster hangout. We walk in there, we get the " eeewwww, old people " glares.
I’m 50.
The bar is lit solely with candles. It is jammed every night.
You need to get over this “role” thing. There is nothing specifically “male” about standing your ground and taking care of yourself.
You are the one who said it was about being a male. No one put you down for being a male. Your assumptions about roles seem to me to put women down.
Your “male ego” needs a little mocking when you haven’t grasped yet that females are empowered too.
Mind your own business unless you are asked to intervene.
Look at the title of this thread:“You won’t be raped tonight…you’re fucking welcome, bitch.” That shows more about your respect for women (or lack of it) than anything you did in the bar.
Feminism is about equality politically, economically, and socially. If you think a woman’s strength makes you look socially inept as a male, you need to catch up with the times.
Yes, as I said before, if anything about the situation was douchebaggy, it was the “I have to play the male role now.” Without that comment and the accompanying attitude, there might be much less to criticize.
Except for one more step—actually asking the women “do you want me to get rid of the creep?” That would have been appropriate.
How exactly are we supposed to do that? Telepathy? The creep’s breathing down her neck, practically sitting in her chair. She’s leaning against me. You can’t miss a signal like that.
Plus, she thanked me the following morning, confirming that she did, indeed, appreciate my help. So let’s stop with the whole “How do you know she didn’t want it?”
No, but there is something about getting rid of drunken creeps that belongs to the part of “male friend/boyfriend/relative.” Those people don’t listen to what women are telling them. To them, no means maybe. Or as monstro skin-crawlingly put it, “maybe she was willing to be wooed with the right line” goes through their heads.
Yeah, or maybe not. And by maybe, I mean obviously.
They’re not empowered enough to get rid of creepy rapists, apparently, are they? I don’t know why I have to repeat this: She did want my help. She did not want me to get in a fight.
Reread the thread. And anyway, when someone says “The fuck you lookin’ at?” to you when you’re just standing there, it’s too late to consider whether you’re involved. You were just drafted.
A woman. Singular.
It doesn’t make me look socially inept. I didn’t want the job, it was thrust upon me. I think you and the other feminists in the thread aren’t upset with what I actually did do; you’re upset that one of your own wasn’t able to do it herself. You want to keep trying to convince us all that maybe there was a chance, somehow, that she could’ve handled it all herself. I’m going to tell you one more time - she couldn’t.
But you miss the important part. Many times people DO do the right thing exactly because its the right thing to do, not because they want whatever possible rewards might come from it.
But when you go out of way to help someone, take some of your time or money, risk getting hurt, take a ding at work, or generally inconvenience yourself and somebody doesn’t even thank you, that’s bullshit, and the non-thanking person is a douchebag.
The OP isn’t crying in his beer because he didn’t get his precious thank you he craved. He’s mad and here in the pit because some folks were being douchebags and he’s calling em out on it.
Oh, and just realized another aspect of the no-thanks incidents. I help you, you get help, you thank me and I get some warm fuzzy feelings and its a win win social interaction wise.
No thanks?
Well, I just went out my way to help you and not only do I not get a thank you but now I get to be a bit pissed about it too.
Gee, thanks. I was kinda running low on other things in my life to be pissed off about.
FWIW, I find the snarky criticism of Chessic Sense very wrong. I’ll guess there is enough variety in bars based on geography, demographics, etc. that some Dopers imagine a different scene than the one Mr. Sense experienced.
The most wrong-headed comments are from those who ask Mr. Sense if he was certain there was a risk of rape. :smack:
“Sorry, Roommate. I judged the chance of rape to be only 20% or so, so we abandoned you. I’d have tried to help if I’d known the chance of rape was 50% or higher.”
No, the OP has one of those Terminator eyes. Mr Rapist’s image was suddenly outlined and some text saying “rapist probability 99 percent” and some other text popped up saying “Course of action: Be a man”.
And you might want to read his posts. I stick by my interpretation. And for that matter my bigger point still stands. Lets say the OP only did it for the thanks. But most people who do the right thing aren’t for the thanks. They are doing the right thing because that’s what you do.
And I think what really pissed of the OP is not only not a thanks, but he gets to get insulted as a bonus.
People are insulting him because he has pitted the women he “rescued” for not falling to their knees and thanking them for being their white knight savior. Even though he really didn’t do anything except get into a heated staring match with a crazy asshole until the bouncer intervened. And like a tool he calls this playing the “manly role”, but then gets surprised when people make fun of him and the other guy for acting like stereotypical testerone-intoxicated man-brutes.
The title of this thread sums up the OP’s mentality very succintly, and echos the epiphany I had about a month ago that I wrote about in this post. Here is a snippet:
If I’m understanding this psychology properly, this explains why Chessic took it personally when he didn’t receive immediate praise for his gallant behavior. His male ego didn’t receive the reward that it expected for his playing the “manly role” (which is the essential arch nemesis to the “bad guy” role) and because of this lack of validation, he became angry.
He didn’t want to ask Barfly and Roomie if they wanted his help in advance, because part of playing the “manly role” is knowing better than the women you’re protecting (I will not point out that this is similar to how the “bad guy” thinks too…oops, I just did). It is also important that he portrayed rape as being the ultimate consequence of his inaction because rape is a symbol of female vulnerability. To think he averted this Bad Thing from happening means that much more to his ego. Averting a nuisance situation involving a drunk stranger with boundary issues doesn’t resonate the same way.
When his ego-gratifying heroics went unappreciated, it is revealing that his response to call the women he “rescued” a sexist name. They hurt him when they pointed out all the macho posturing around them, because he was expecting that they’d play the “female role” of smothering him with kisses and thanking him for doing that which they were too afraid or too weak to do themselves.
Do I think the OP is a jerk? No, I actually don’t. His honesty is refreshing, and I’m not saying this in a snarky, ironic way. But based on this thread and others he has authored, I think he is textbook case of a guy who is trying to navigate modern life using a very rigid and traditional set of beliefs about gender roles, and he keeps experiencing problems because of this.
I have, and I’m obviously not as impressed with them as you are. The thread title and the douchebaggery in the OP are much more accurate indicators of Cheesic’s mind than the backpedally stuff he has said afterwards. He seems to think drunkenness is a good excuse. But I think his drunken self is his more honest self.
According to your logic, neither are you then. I’m not sure what you contributed to the situation, to be honest, other than a staring contest and letting your friend and the bouncer take care of it for you.
