Do women enjoy sex?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Re: men, orgasm and enjoyment

There’s a great book called The Multi-Orgasmic Couple that talks about Taoist sexual techniques. The key one is that orgasm is not the same as ejaculation - orgasm comes first and is followed very closely (very very very very closely, from what I understand) by ejaculation, at which point you’re done. The authors assure us that it is possible to separate the two (when you think you’re going to shoot your load, to put it delicately, think about baseball and stuff) at which point you can have orgasm after orgasm until you both are done.

Cowhusband hasn’t really embraced this theory (for delicious reasons I won’t share) but I assume that it means the definition of “orgasm” can be broadened, and you can have all kinds of different orgasms (the way lucky women like me can) and never actually ‘cum.’

Great book, BTW, even for already-multi-orgasmic people.

42

Cowgirl, is it “Taoist” or “tantric?”

In tantric sex it is possible to have sex for several hours and experience multiple orgasms without ejaculation and the loss of your (well, my) erection. When we’ve both had enough, we “let go” so to speak (or not, depending on whether I want to or not).

43

Bren (if I may be so familiar), I understood the distinction you were making between love and war. I think your assumptions might be flawed, though: Mr. Cameron may indeed have different ideas.

For me, **Zephyrine’s ** “too mad to fuck” line is dangerously close to the “mad enough to get the fuck out” line. Something like the thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning (apologies to Jimmy Buffet). When I don’t care to sleep with someone, it’s because I’m not attracted to her anymore and the relationship isn’t working, for whatever reasons, and I don’t feel compelled to fix it. I can’t imagine saying to a woman I love, “Hey, you dented the fender so you can just go sleep on the couch.”

Although it was a nice car. :wink:

44

I do.

45

Not only do I enjoy sex, but I instigate about 70% of the time. I’m a twice a day sort of girl, and he’s a twice a week sort of guy :frowning:
Also, he’s fabulously attentive, tries very hard, does all the right things, but I still orgasm very rarely. Still, the sex is very good and I want to jump his bones pretty much constantly.

46

Ah, but you’re failing to understand the fundamental difference between denting the fender and failing to do something she expects you to do. The fender is an accident; she never once said to herself, “You know, I really ought to avoid that tree/signpost/other car, but I just don’t feel like it.” There’s no intent to damage your property. Deciding to watch the ballgame or whatever it is you’ve spent your time doing instead of painting or mowing, OTOH, is a conscious decision you’ve deliberately made. There’s intent there.

And let’s face it, that decision sends a message. It says that your pleasure or convenience is more important to you than what’s good for her or for the relationship. It says that the computer, or the television or whatever is more important to you than she is. Sending that sort of message is a problem in the relationship, although ime men don’t see that part of it, just that they’re not getting sex (or are getting less-than-stellar sex) because they didn’t do their chores.

It’s awfully hard to feel loving about someone when you’re slamming around the house thinking, “I ask him to do one thing around here, just ONE STINKING THING, and does he get off his ass and do it? Hell no, he doesn’t have time. He’s got all the time in the world to sit around playing with [fill in hobby or object or friend], but none to keep this place from falling down around our ears. I guess I’ll have to find time to do it myself while he sits on his ass.” This train of thought is especially frequent in relationships where the guy is perceived as not pulling his weight.

It’s also really hard to focus on having good sex when part of your mind is racing around trying to figure out how you’re going to juggle your schedule to fit in whatever you were counting on him to do. I can have sex when my head’s not in the game, so to speak, and it feels fairly nice. A lot of times I’ll even have an orgasm, but it’s just not a particularly fun or satisfying experience without the mental and emotional connection. If it’s just going to be physical sensations, I’d really prefer to just use my vibrator; it’s a lot faster, easier, and cleaner that way.

47

CrazyCatLady,

I use to get that kind of resentment from my ex-wife. She seemd to think that after working 10 hours a day I should come home and take care of the kids because she had been doing that all day and needed a break. I never really understood the whole concept of I do more than you, but somehow she seemd to have a tally in her head on just how much I did around the house. Don’t get me wrong, I changed diapers, bathed thej kids, helped them with scholwork, but soemtimes I was too tired and stressed to do anythiong but sit a veg-out a bit. What I am saying is that sometimes we tend to focus on evevything “we” do and do not really take into account how much that our spouses are doing. Humans can be very self centered. On the other hand if your SO is not working and just hangs out all day, then I can see how the resenment and anger would make you not want to be intimate with him.

48

As a woman, it took me a long time to figure out that men weren’t sending that message, even though that’s what we receive. Just because he is a thoughtless oaf, it doesn’t mean that he sees you as less valuable. He’s just a thoughtless oaf, no secondary message. When I finally figured that out, I was able to invite humor in and not make everything such a big deal. If he’s not getting sex, well neither am I and nobody wins there. This habit we have of “if he really loved me, he would…” put’s your relationship in a constant conditional state, instead of just loving that oaf. Oh, I have also been know to heave a TV or computer out the window a time or two, but I did it with a loving smile.:slight_smile:

49

The money shot?

50

This is getting off-topic, but I’ve heard of this before, and to me it sounds less than satisfying. For the man, an orgasm is very cathartic; afterwards it’s a similar feeling to having just set down a great weight that you were carrying. The ejaculation is the most intense part of the orgasm; on the rare occasions when for whatever reason it was interrupted before ejaculation, the resulting sensation for me was disappointing - kind of like chewing your food without swallowing it. I find that one orgasm is sufficiently satisfying (unless we go at it again, of course).

Which brings up another question: Do women experience this catharsis the way men do? I hear a lot of talk from women that their orgasm is not that important, but the times when I have actually seen a woman have an orgasm, she appears to me to have intensely enjoyed the experience, and usually seems more relaxed afterwards, as if the catharsis has taken place. I kind of get a mixed message between what women say and how the ones I have been with seem to behave. Or am I just reading more into body language than is really there?

51

Well, of course you’re right: accidents happen; choosing to ignore a legitimate request is quite another. I don’t think that’s what I’m getting at here and perhaps my example was a bit facetious. My bad.

What you’re describing is a breakdown of sorts in the relationship and naturally some major fallout is going to occur in the bedroom. That happens too many times and pretty soon you begin to wonder why you’re putting up with it. Been there myself.

But this seems to be coming down to the dishes and the lawn, and I honestly don’t see why. So I didn’t get to the laundry because something else caught my attention or I honestly forgot it. Is that the threshold of “falling down around our ears?” I don’t think so. Didn’t make the house payment? Okay, that’s gonna take some explaining.

The lawn will still be there tomorrow and so will the bathroom that needs cleaning. I can get past it, so why can’t she? Heck, if the vibrator is such a good alternative, why not stick with that and save some money on the drycleaning?

52

Taoist. For sure. I thought the same thing when I read it - I had only heard of Tantric before.

**blowero]

It depends on the type of orgasm. Mine vary enormously. Sometimes (usually when I’m alone) it seems very much like the kind of orgasm men have - a buildup, a big explosion, then I’m done. Sometimes when Mr cowgirl is involved, it feels like I’ve reached that “Okay, I’m done” state but he keeps going (bless his heart) and to my surprise I have another one … and sometimes another …

Re: “The house is falling down around our ears and he doesn’t care …”

Agreed that, for one party, it may just be a matter of forgetting. But for the other party, it may be “Once again, he’s forgotten, and I will do it, and he won’t notice, and he’ll forget again next week …”

53

blowero, depends on the type of orgasm, really. There are “oh, that’s nice” orgasms, “okay, let’s get this show on the road” orgasms, and there are “okay, I’m done now, get the hell off me” orgasms. It’s hard to describe the difference in them, but there is a difference, and it’s pretty important.

The first type are purely physiological responses. They’re what happens when your body responds to what’s going on, but your mind and spirit aren’t really into the proceedings. They feel good, and they relieve a certain amount of tension, but they’re not particularly intense, nor are they very satisfying.

The second type are more intense, but they’re essentially appetizers–tasty, but it’s going to take a hell of a lot of them to satisfy you instead of just whetting your appetite. You have to be pretty into it mentally for these to happen, and the more of them you have, the more into it you are, so the more of them you have and the more intense they get.

The last type…well, you have to have your mind pretty firmly on the job at hand for them to happen. They’re the only ones I’d describe as any way cathartic. It feels like your head has exploded and your brains are trickling out your ears, and your body is so sensitive that you’re going to need a break for a while before anything else happens. Thought and movement are pretty much impossible during the refractory period, and you just want to snuggle up and go to sleep.

Jackaroe, I didn’t understand the concept either, till I finally found a job down here. My routine went something like this: get up, make bed, feed pets, clean kitchen from husband’s breakfast, eat, do laundry, straighten rest of house, go to work for anywhere from 9 to 13 hours without a chance to eat or sit down, come home, feed the pets, do dishes and put away food and clean kitchen from husband’s dinner, put away the stuff he’d strung all over the house, eat, finally sit down for a while, then go to bed so I could do it all again the next day. On my days off, I did the floors and scrubbed the toilets and mowed the yard and hauled the trash down to the curb and cleaned the kitchen after dinner. He came home from the hospital, and flopped himself down in front of the computer. Sometimes he’d cook dinner, but sometimes he never moved until he went to bed. Sometimes he was working 30-hour days, but more frequently he was working 7-hour days and complaining about how exhausted he was. Let’s just say he didn’t get a hell of a lot of sympathy from this direction, and leave it at that.

No, he wasn’t deliberately trying to drive me batshit, but working that kind of schedule combined with pretty much all the household stuff combined with the three weeks or so it took him to “get around to” doing anything I asked him to do was sending me straight round the bend. Everything he didn’t get around to just became more shit I had to get done, and pushed the things I’d like to do further down the list of priorities. Sex got pushed further and further down, till it just left the charts altogether because I just didn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to think about it, much less do it.

54

Yeah, sometimes people just get sidetracked and sometimes they just plain forget. But sometimes people get sidetracked or forget day after day after day, and you eventually get fed up and just do it yourself. And if that’s a pretty regular occurance, it builds up, you know? Besides, forgetting to do a load of laundry can be a pretty big deal when you’re out of underwear, or were planning to wear a particular outfit the next day.

55

I want to say “Cite” on this because I’m way to old to not understand it, but I won’t. CrazyCatLady and cowgirl described a woman’s types of orgasm pretty well. I think body language is more reliable than what someone says about sex. If a woman really cares about you, she will lie if you ask her a direct question that she thinks will hurt your ego. Yep, we lie too if the circumstances call for it.

56

Okay…well, I don’t know if I’m weird, but here’s my experience as a woman. Usually when I reach what I perceive to be an orgasm, it’s like a release, but not exactly as good as everything before. This sounds really weird, I know, but it’s like working up to it, wanting it, anticipating it all…that’s pleasure. The pleasure is that you’re so, so close to it, and you know it’s coming and then when I find myself getting closer I sort of try to delay. Because after it’s all over, you can try again, but it’s never as intense as before. Basically, it boils down to this little soundbite: the pleasure’s in the anticipation. This is all on my own…haven’t reached orgasm with a guy yet (but I’m working on it!)

57

Let’s just say the men in porn movies are required to present evidence that they have climaxed. That’s called the “money shot”.

So what you’re saying is that the orgasm is important, but you might lie and say it’s not because you don’t want your partner to stress about it?

58

Penis size. :x

If a guy has a small penis and he asks you what you think about it, you can’t ever tell him that it’s small. If you do, you’re suddenly without a lover/boyfriend and he’s talking smack about you behind your back.

I love sex. I want it all the time. I feel sorry for my fellow women who can’t have orgasms because they are horribly easy for me. I just have to think sexy thoughts and I’m off under 15 seconds. I can do it over and over again, although it takes longer between each one the more I do it. I’ve never seen how many times I could go it in a row, because I have a short attention span. I got off like 15 times in less than an hour once before I got bored.

Having orgasms while having sex is a bit harder. And sex tends to be more about my boyfriend than about me so sometimes I don’t get off. Only one time have I gotten annoyed about it though.

59

I am a woman, do I enjoy sex ? Ohhhhhhh yesssssssss, yes indeed I do.

That was not always the case, until I met my first husband I had had sex partners (never you mind how many :o ) but he was the first lover I had, meaning he was the first man who took the time and made an effort to be sure I enjoyed it too. That was my first time receiving oral sex and my first orgasm with a partner, it was so good I cried and two months later I married him. We did not have a strong emotional bond but the sex was good

But (isn’t there always a butt in these sex question threads ?) as I have matured I have found that, speaking for myself only here, sex without an emotional side to it is just not worth my time. The LIONsob, aka my current husband is every bit as good if not a better lover than my first husband and I do have an intense emotional bond with him. Love + emotion bond +great sex is an unbeatable combanation for me.

Let me put it this way, if a man who looked and danced like Patrick Swayze did in dirty dancing came and threw himself at my feet and begged me for sex and promised that Garth Brooks would stand in a corner and sing * Shameless* the whole time I would turn him down. I would cry when I did it but I would still turn him down .

Hubby has me whipped and I know it.

Does that answer the question ? If not too bad, I need a cold shower now. Memories can be great things.

60

:o Well then I didn’t miss anything. It’s much better in person.

I haven’t needed to about that, but yes, I would in a heartbeat; if there were a reason to. I can’t imagine it happening, but if orgasm wasn’t important to me, I would still tell him it was. Telling him it isn’t important would be a blow to his ego. He is very proud of being able to make me melt on command.:slight_smile: And it makes me sweeter, nicer. What it all boils down to is how he feels is much more important to me than sex and how he thinks I feel is very important to how he feels. I am lucky that sex is so easy for me to enjoy. He’s lucky too.:cool:
Ava Size doesn’t matter!;);):wink: