How old are you? I’m just curious. If you’re over 60 you can go quietly on your way. Remember that it’s OK to answer the phone after dark. If not I’ve got a rolleye smiley waiting for you.
Now that’s unfair. I see it as a guy who knows what he’s doing isn’t working, so he tries to “spice it up” specifically as advised frequently, and there’s no way it happened without her consent.
Okay, I have a thought, and forgive me if I’m wrong. Do you dislike condoms, and maybe telegraph that a little when using them? Do you think it would be easier if she just took birth control pills? Do you know if she has any reasons other than not liking the idea of taking pills?
Some women have valid reasons and preferences for not taking hormonal contraceptives. Maybe she tried them before and they made her gassy or cry all the time. Maybe she thinks it’s unnatural. Maybe the loves the hell out of ovulating. I’ve heard all of these arguments against the pill from friends.
If she’s getting from you a resentment about using condoms or a disinterest or dismissiveness about her reasons for not taking the pill I could see where she might be a little turned off. If my husband had been unsupportive about my decision to stop taking the pill after 8 years he might be disappointed with the frequency and quality of sex as well. It’s a really huge decision for a woman about her body and I think that some men don’t understand.
Are you envisioning he tied her down without her consent or agreement? Because I read that as being something she was at the very least game for at least trying and once they were in the middle of things, it wasn’t working.
It would be good for Dog80 to come back and clarify so we wouldn’t have to fill in the missing pieces with our imaginations.
Oh come on, he was clearly talking about a consensual event. She panicked once the consensual event went awry.
I don’t think it was unconsensual or that she was afraid of him, as such, only that if she freaked out that much it may be an indication (when taken with other apparent intimacy issues) that something happened to her at some earlier point in her life.
Time to shut down the relationship.
Has she ever enjoyed it? I mean, it may not be this relationship. Has she had problems with it in previous relationships, for example? Or is this her first sexual relationship?
In 9th grade, they move to fisting. 
Only with the teachers.
9th grade? Fisting no, but anal yes. What a great year that was.
this bears repeating.
if she’s the one with the hangup, you should explore stuff she enjoys, instead of focusing on trying to please you. if you find that said stuff aren’t what you want..
I agree. However, what I read from the OP is that she wasn’t communicating (at least from his perspective).
He has talked TO her, but has he talked WITH her? Has he listened?
We don’t know. I’m detecting a strain of responses in this thread that seem to have prejudged him as a piece of shit before we know all the details. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt because he’s here asking for help to save his relationship. I just want to reserve judgement until all the relevant facts are in.
People who want to be in a romantic relationship with you have sex with you, full stop.
If she is not having sex with you, she’s just not that in to you. Seriously, go get the book and switch the pronouns around. If you knew a girl whose boyfriend froze up when she touched him, you’d tell her something was up, right? Men and women are different, but not that different. We both have nerve endings and a drive to reproduce. We both have sex with the partners we are attracted to. We both don’t have sex with people we are not attracted to. If you aren’t having sex, that means she’s not attracted to you. That’s just how it is. What you have on your hands is at best a friendship.
It could be that she is trying to end the relationship by default. This happens a lot. and is often pretty subconscious. You get mentally checked out of a relationship, but don’t have the guts to end it (especially common when living together, when breaking up is just a lot of work and it’s just so much easier to stay together in a half-okay situation). So you find yourself half-assing the relationship, with the endgame being that it breaks apart without you having to really be responsible for it. It’s a passive-aggressive break up method.
It could be that she was never sexually attracted to you in the first place. It’s harsh, but it happens. In the early stages of the relationship it’s easy to get caught up in the hormones and the rush of things and gloss over the fact that specifically sexual attraction isn’t there. You may get so excited about the other aspects of the relationship that you just figure the sexual attraction must also be there. And in all the heady feelings of an early relationship, it’s easy to just get swept away. But eventually the cold light of day seeps in, and seeing that person’s body and face every single day starts to trigger some uncomfortable feelings. Having sex with someone you aren’t attracted to feels fundamentally wrong to most people, and can make you freeze up and even panic.
It could be that she is cheating. This brings up huge feelings of guilt when you have sex with your committed partner, and the whole thing is just unpleasant and becomes something you want to avoid.
In any case, I’d say it’s pretty much over. People who don’t want to have sex with each other are not lovers.
Thanks for the replies. I will try to respond to everyone.
About the bondage thing: I brought it up as an idea and she reluctantly agreed. I didn’t intend it as serious bondage, all I wanted was to just tie her down and start with some massage etc. We didn’t have a safeword because all she had to do was to ask me to stop. I tied the hands but when I got to the legs she panicked and pulled her leg hard 
I didn’t even make the knots too tight, after she pulled they came apart on their own.
Actually I have wondered about that too. For me, the pain comes from the inside of the condom rubbing on my penis, maybe it is more comfortable for her. Anyway, she has never complained about that and believe me, if it was causing her even the slightest discomfort she would tell me.
Easy solution: Put a drop of lube inside the tip of the condom.
Also, if you are using condoms that are “ribbed for her pleasure”, stop turning them inside out before you use them.
The freezing up could indicate some past trauma, though. She may be attracted to the guy but past experiences have freaked her out to sex in general.
That’s why I think it’s important to know if this is recent or if this is just peculiar to this relationship.