Your position appears to be softening. “Grounds for the relationship to end” has now become “I might not be happy with him.” Considering this backpedal, I don’t understand your question, nor do I understand your position in the OP.
Too much information? hehheh. I was just being honest. I really don’t see anything wrong with any of those parties. The only hardcore scene involved no touching of any kind. (Ok, she touched his neck to put on the collar and maybe kicked him in the ass when he was crawling, but c’mon!) All but one of the marriages are still going strong, and not one of the grooms cheated at the bachelor party or during the marriage.
No, he really is a pussy. You have to understand the guy mentality. Even assuming he is dead-set against the concept of strippers, any guy who bails on his friends like that is, by definition, a pussy.
No excuses from the best man, either. He obviously didn’t try hard enough, thereby becoming a “pussy by association.”
I’ve been to a lot of bachelor parties. I am about the right age for lots of friends to be getting married.
There are usually two parts. It begins with a daytime activity, then ends with drinking of some kind. Usually a strip club is involved at some point. If not, then hired strippers show up somewhere.
The first part is usually golf. I have also seen deep sea fishing, and formula one racing. (like go carts, but faster) Paintball would be another good example, although I haven’t specifically seen it.
The best bachelor parties have a common mode of transportation for everyone. An executive bus or rented greyhound or even a school bus have all been used. This really lends itself to the comraderie of partying with a bunch of guys. Some of the most fun I have had at these is on the bus.
I have never seen actual cheating at one of these. Strippers, whether they are in a nudie bar, or if they are paid to show up at a hotel room, simply don’t fuck the clients. About the least likely place for a groom to be cheating is in a nudie bar because you simply cannot get laid there.
Most of the time attention from the stippers is focused on the groom. Other men pay for his lap dances and drinks. Usually someone is regulating the alcohol intake to ensure that he doesn’t loose consciousness to early but is very drunk.
Often times everyone stays at the same hotel. Once, we got a hotel across the street from the nudie bar and that worked out great. As people felt like leaving, they could just walk across the street and into a bed. No drunk driving that way.
I also agree that the type of woman who wouldn’t allow a bachelor party would also be the type that would soon want to not allow golf with friends and other things.
This past weekend I hosted a bachelor party for my longest-time friend. My co-host and I broke most of the bachelor party rules:
The bride was FULLY briefed about the party.
The groom knew in advance (some of) what we’d be doing.
There were no strippers.
Or sex.
Or lap dances.
Or any kind of nudity.
Nobody got mind-numbingly drunk, arrested, or otherwise in trouble. (It was just fatigue, I swear!)
We brought along lots of cameras.
We get to tell the stories long after the party was over.
Here’s what we DID do:
A. Surprised the groom; he didn’t know when the party was going to be, and we got him but good.
B. Gave him some gifts with an appropriate theme (including a literary translation of Kama Sutra).
C. We had an exotic dancer (belly dancer).
D. And an intense girl show (all-female comedy troupe).
E. The groom had more booze to drink in one night than he’d had since college.
F. All the attendees had a good time.
10. More importantly, so did the groom.
“Your position appears to be softening. “Grounds for the relationship to end” has now become “I might not be happy with him.” Considering this backpedal, I don’t understand your question, nor do I understand your position in the OP.”
My position is not softening. An innocent lapdance & wrestling with a naked women are different. He’s had 34 years to do that kind of shit. I think of it as a step away from sex and cheating.
The hard on comment before was not naive. I know the whores are not sexually excited.Geez, I’m not an idiot. My point was that he wouldn’t want a well endowed man to rub his naked body all over me in a pit of mud. Do you guys enjoy that image of your women, sliding around with a naked man in mud while he grinds up against her and does everything he can to get her excited?
I actually asked my bf his experience w/ bachelor parties and he said they generally were kind of boring. With this said, why would a man have to feel like he would forever be deemed a pussy if he decided not to do the stripper thing?
I still think those friends were selfish and mean. What kind of true friends would leave a guy in a bus at his own bachelor party?
My husband didn’t want any strippers or anything like that. My sister’s (now ex-) fiance was saying he was going to kidnap my husband with some of his (the ex-fiance’s) friends, and take him out for lap dances and more, and my husband had to very clearly drive home the point with this guy that he wasn’t interested in that, and that any kidnapping attempts would be met with strong physical resistance. (This isn’t a case of being a “pussy” to his friends - this guy wasn’t his friend, and was just looking for an excuse to party and mess around with strippers.) We had a lot of friends who were out of state, and most of them were equally friends of both of us - or cases where a guy was better friends with me, or a woman better friends with him - so we just got everyone together a couple days before the wedding after they’d all flown in, and went out to all drink heavily together. I don’t have problems with him going out with “the guys” - and “the guys” usually consider me to be “one of the guys.”
The last bachelor party he went to was a pub crawl. The guys rented hotel rooms near the bars, and went out drinking together. They had a blast. I was at the bachelorette party, which was nothing more than a meal at a restaurant, followed by drinks and a show at a comedy club. The maid of honor apologized because she hadn’t realized that the comedy acts would be “raunchy” (they weren’t that bad).
My husband has been at one bachelor party that’s involved semi-naked women, and that was an “exotic dance club” (I think to avoid liquor licensing issues) where they were extremely scantilly-clad but not totally naked. He ended up becoming the focus of a small group of the dancers while they were on their break; they talked about college classes and that kind of thing. Yes, I got this report from him, but I believe him, because that’s exactly the kind of guy that he is.
Would I have freaked out if he’d had a bachelor party where he was getting a mess of lapdances or was mud wrestling with a nude woman? Probably, but that’s because it would have been way out of character. If he’d had one lapdance because his friends said he “had” to as the groom, it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal.
I understand, I think. Actually, I’m still a bit hazy. Is the wrestling with a naked whore grounds for a break-up, or just you’d be seriously pissed? I imagine the latter, for which, I would have to admit, you’d be justified. But wrestling and sex are still worlds apart. The lap-dance is actually much more erotic, though you don’t get to cop a feel, which would undoubtedly happen in naked wrestling.
Just to be clear…naked wrestling is more across the line than I’d be comfortable with. Read as: I would never arrange that as a best man.
I certainly wouldn’t mind. Have fun. Get aroused. Hell, I don’t care if she needs to sit on a towel on the way home. As long as she came home to me for the sex, it’s all good.
He is a pussy for not turning the party to his desires, and a pussy for sitting in a bus. I would have called a cab if the group taking me out went into a drug den to get high, that is something I won’t do. I’m not going to sit around and wait, twiddling my thumbs. If he did it to be a martyr, that is a passive-aggressive pussy move, too. If he decides, based partially on input from his bride, that there will be no nekkid wimmin, that is a mature decision. “Friends” who say he is a pussy for that are idiots. If he REALLY wants to go, but is held back by his bride, that is another issue, not a mature decision, but something that fosters resentment. He is a pussy for not coming to an agreeable middleground with his bride.
We are in agreement his friends are turds of the highest order.
My bachelor party was a barbecue at my sister’s house. The only stripper there was my brother-in-law-to-be’s daughter, whose diaper needed changing.
My friend had his bachelor party at the indoor golf course at the 49th Street Galleria in Salt Lake City (an indoor video game emporium).
We’re a real swingin’ crowd.
The line should be drawn somewhere. Communication should be free so that the groom understands his brides boundaries. Some of you might think there is no problem getting completely turned on by another and then going home to your significant others to satisfy yourselves but many people don’t think this is acceptable. Would a mud wrestling be grounds for a break up? Interesting question. If we discussed it beforehand and he respected my wishes that it was way over the line, then went and did it, it just might be cause for breakup (apparently the “respect” was a lie). If I kept my feelings to myself and then found out it happened and got pissed off, it would be my own fault.
What do you think of this idea… I’m thinking of asking him to take me (just the 2 of us) to a strip club one weekend night. This way, I would see what the bachelor party thing was all about and he wouldn’t get embarrased because I would be watching a stranger bachelor guy.
I had a bachelor party the night after my divorce (not from Geobabe). I was a bachelor again! I invited all friends who had been divorced, those who THOUGHT about divorce, those happily married, and those who may one day get married. Nobody else was invited. Very exclusive party.
Tster, that is a fabulous idea. Just be aware there are not bachelor parties every night at all strip clubs, so you may have to go back night after night.
Uncle, I suspect you’re being a smart ass. I have actually asked him to take me before, just because everyone keeps saying it’s not as bad as I think. He has said that it’s not a big deal & he really doesn’t have an desire to take me.
My brother is a pussy, Tster. Of this there can be no debate. He gave in to a demand he found unreasonable. He wanted a bachelor party that involved a visit to a strip club. The best man planned a party that involved a visit to a strip club. The wife-to-be sprang her edict on the groom at the last minute, thus fucking up the plans.
My brother had some honorable options available: He could have told his wife-to-be to shove her demand up her ass, or he could have gone to the strip club anyway, or he could have cancelled the party. It would not have been fair to tell the guys who showed up for the party, and paid for it, that they couldn’t enjoy the planned festivities because the groom left his balls at home.
You might say sitting on the bus was honorable. It wasn’t. Nobody could enjoy themselves because they knew he was sitting on the bus wondering why he had no penis. I stayed in the club only long enough to make sure that the other guys got in okay and were set up to have a good time. Then I got on the bus with my dickless brother. So did the best man and the rest of our brothers. The rest of the guys stayed in the club for a few drinks and then came out to the bus. We took off and tried to salvage the party, but the “Dead Man Walking” vibe was too strong.
Your brother made a hard decision & stuck with it (in spite of pressure), and hopefully his wife appreciates it. If not, she’s stupid because he chose her feelings over his POOR friends (how did they ever get over the horrible disappointment???).
Selfish men. It’s not about you guys, it’s about the bachelor, isn’t it?
I went to my best friends bachelor party (I’m female, he isn’t).
I wore a baggy sweatshirt and a cap, so I didn’t stick out as “girl” And my husband was there.
We drank beer. A lot of it (I don’t drink beer, but had one, they told me if I was going I had to participate fully). We smoked cigars (I don’t smoke but I was participating). We went to a strip bar - one that had clothed (bra and panties, or other naughties) lap dances and nekkid girls behind glass - and I participated fully and had my lap dance (although we had a problem finding a stripper comfortable with giving a girl a lap dance - took us three and we tipped well).
The guys in my crowd have a ritual - cheap bar, followed by cheap strip bar - but all in public so no opportunity for hookers. They’ve also done the porn movie thing, but weren’t comfortable with it. They came up with the ritual after several false starts to come up with something that was naughty enough to meet the “requirements” but not uncomfortable for them.
They did not water it down on my behalf - if anything, they were challenged to punch up the usual a little bit.
BTW, I was sick afterwards for three days - beer, boobs and cigars are not my thing.
I think bachelor parties can vary alot - from sex with a hooker (or an old girlfriend - yep, heard about that one), to getting together to watch guy movies (action films, not porn).
The thing that strikes me about this is that Tster seems to be deluding herself about the activities in which her boyfriend participates.
She says he goes to strip clubs and that she doesn’t have a problem with it.
Yeah, right.
Throughout this entire thread, she’s called the strippers whores and skanks.
I am not a stripper. But, I can recognize that they are working. Why call them whores and skanks? We’ve had several threads that detail the lives and working habits of strippers. From all the dopers who know or have worked in the industry, one thing is clear: there is no sex involved.
She obviously has reservations about it. But, IMHO her ire should be directed at her boyfriend. If he’s doing something that makes her uncomfortable, she should tell him. But to denigrate the dancers/strippers reveals that she wants to place all of the responsibility on them.
Tster, I have a question. If strippers are whores and skanks, what does that make your boyfriend who wants to be entertained by them?
It’s about everyone. For the guy getting married, the bachelor party is his last time he will truly be free to rock and roll all night (and party every day) with his friends before the crushing weight and responsibility of marriage, family and career responsibilities turns him into a flabby broken shell of his former self. Should his friends final memories of him be a broken, domesticated animal trapped in the car like a lap dog?
isthatsowrong? - What you should have done is get a bunch of strippers (or even better, prostitutes) onto the bus with a keg and some bottles of Jeugermeister and take that bus to Vegas.
