I just wanted to chime in to say that, I too, initially felt like Tster and wouldn’t have wanted my husband to have a bachelor party that featured strippers. In my situation though, it ultimately didn’t matter because neither one of ended up having festivities before the wedding.
Why did I feel that way? Because I, personally, was very insecure and since he was the first fellow I’d slept with, I thought ANYTHING sexual (from magazines to the web to clubs) was somehow a slam against our relationship. That I wasn’t enough/fulfilling for him. That he wanted someone like that versus plain old me. I freaked out a lot early on in our relationship because I projected my feelings about myself onto his feeling about visual stimulation. Never once did I question what I thought about my own proclivities, like masturbating to the idea of some ex.
Fortunately, with lots of time and patience on my SO’s part, I begin to understand that, while some may never be 100% comfortable (and again, I agree with Tster that trust is a separate issue) with these types of things, they usually are harmless, as many have previously stated. Now going back to whether or not you trust them, then even if they do choose to be aroused in a situation like that, it still isn’t any different than renting a porno or fantasizing. Because, IMHO, that’s all it is. Safely letting off some extra sexual tension. No more, no less.
But, I do think that everyone should understand where the other person is coming from and just how comfortable they are with what the other is doing. Be it going to see someone strip or dancing with an ex. I know that now, I wouldn’t care if mr. hopefool went to some rowdy bachelor party and let some stripper grind away at his crotch for multiple lap dances. It would be fun for him and I’d reap the benefits. What I wouldn’t be comfortable with would be a steady diet of attendance at one of these places because then, I’d wonder if there was some other reason we weren’t addressing, making it a need for him to find his outlet somewhere other than me.
As for as myself goes, I’ve now been to a male strip club once, in honor of my mother’s 50th birthday party and like has also been said, at least in a professional establishment, women are allowed to do much more to the men then vice versa. My mom actually liked one dance from his chest to his crotch. Ugh. Another stripper dangled his bits on a friend of our’s shoulder, touching her ear. All-in-all, I found it to be all in good fun, but something I found personally kind of uncomfortable and sleazy. Would I go again? Perhaps for my bestfriend’s bachelorette party or some other remarkable milestone, but not for myself. It’s just not my thing, like it’s not my honey’s either.
Lastly, I do understand where you are coming from overall. It’s difficult to express how you don’t really like something, but aren’t sure why, and yet refuse to dictate behavior to your mate. Ultimately though, I think you can learn (like by what you’re doing here with soliciting opinions or going to witness nude beaches/strip clubs first hand) and grow to appreciate that a lot of times, you may BE uncomfortable or quasi-unhappy about things that come up in your relationship and yet you let the trust override your uneasiness.
I think, and this is just my .02, that your best course of action is to continue talking honestly with your boyfriend, disregard a lot of stories as outright exaggeration or bragging and lastly, really closely examine your own issues about whatever has you feeling the most queasy (if I was you, I think I’d start with equating all sexually driven input with infringing upon your intimacy with him). Because it does sound like you have a good relationship and are well suited to working things out together and, you wouldn’t want to do like I did in my beginning with the hubby, let your imagination run away with you, put things that aren’t there and do any unnecessary damage.
Good luck to you both and I’m sorry that I prattled on so long.
