:rolleyes: Did you come here to post, or to threadshit?
Just because people have behaved worse at funerals doesn’t mean one can’t complain when they see it.
I think you’d best report me to an actual moderator. The chances of me being influenced by your junior modding are rather slim, you must understand.
It’s been reported. Your years in the business notwithstanding, how is this tacky comment justified?
I’m a live and live guy when it comes to how other people dress. On the other hand, maybe people at a funeral need to dress respectfully, not for the deceased who obviously doesn’t care, but for the other mourners.
I’m not going to mod note you or issue a formal warning at this time, but I will ask you and everyone else to cool it.
Because it is a legitimate question. The thread isn’t about Mahaloth’s grief or loss. We learn in the OP very little about the dead girl other than that she was a good student, she committed suicide, and** Mahaloth **hadn’t seen her in a couple of years. I’m a teacher, myself, and it is impossible to be one for any length of time without students or former students dying. It’s an inescapable part of the job. Mahaloth doesn’t seem particularly grief stricken by it, I must say. We were told nothing about the wonderful teacher/student moments she and the deceased shared. She obviously wasn’t close enough to the dead girl to keep in touch with her. Nothing, either, about the dead girl-shaped hole this will leave in Mahaloth’s life for the rest of her days. No, most of the OP is just Mahaloth kvetching about other mourners not dressing or acting the way she would prefer. A majority of the response posts are more of the same.
Mahaloth isn’t a family member and wasn’t close enough to the deceased to have stayed in touch after their time as teacher and student ended. My years in the funeral business indicate that she needn’t have done more than sign the register, pay her respects at the casket and to the family and leave. Hanging around to critique the wardrobes and behaviors of other mourners, while it may be fun, strikes me as “tacky.”
In any case, I will duly note that I got a not-quite-warning for not agreeing with you, Mahaloth, and Guinastasia. Maybe you should sticky some new rules about what you consider “tacky” lest I violate more of them out of ignorance. It is your job to fight ignorance, after all.
I used my cell phone (text messaging) through the entirety of my own 10 week old infant son’s viewing (he didn’t have an actual funeral). I was 800 miles from 99% of my friends and family, my abusive (now ex) husband was one of only 3 people in the room that I actually knew, and I needed some support. Nintendo, no. Texting… Consider that you may not know who those people were or who they were talking to before you jump their cases or shove their phones up their asses.
Scumpup, if you’re also trying to imply that I don’t have any experience “in the business”, I suggest you don’t want to go there. As I stated before, I’m the daughter of a funeral director.
Guinastasia, I don’t imply anything about you because until you actively call yourself to my attention I don’t think about you at all. Not only is not everything about you, in my case nothing is about you.
Mods, just lock this thread.
Scumpup is acting like a complete idiot and insulted me. I reported him, he did not receive an official mod warning, and I feel like he has ruined the thread.
I am extremely grief stricken and did not choose to focus on that for this thread.
Scumpup, just leave us alone.
Mahaloth, I’m so very sorry about your loss, and I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have responded to Scumpup.
My mother died a month ago today.
I do think people ought to dress properly for the funeral or visitation. But I have to say, I don’t remember what clothes anyone was wearing – I just remember the fact that they showed up there.
Yes you can. You can show me that you care enough about my opinion to take an effort with your appearance.
I don’t give a shit about your clothes in and of themselves - what I do care about is that you gave your appearance some thought and care enough about what I think of you to “dress to impress me”
Recently I was introducing a new colleague to clients - he asked “what’s the dress code?”
My reply? - up to you, just so long as it looks like you care.
I definitely see how it can depend on the situation. For the particular death I’m talking about, formal attire just seemed appropriate.
Heck, I thought about wearing black and I don’t usually do that to funerals.
The year I first started teaching, I also had a student (a young man whom I felt pretty close to) commit suicide.
This was almost 15 years ago, and I still remember the funeral service well. Sigh…
(he was a huge Denver Broncos fan, and there were a lot of people at the funeral in Broncos attire, whice I thought was a nice tribute)
Hang in there Mahaloth.
You didn’t get not-quite-warned for this:
but rather for what followed:
In all honesty I’m having trouble understanding your position. First you agree with the OP in acknowledging some funeral-goers’ poor taste and inconsiderate behavior except that you seem resigned to it based on your experience in the industry.
Then almost out of left field you ask him if he was really there to mourn, or just to snipe about the other mourners. That’s the tacky bit.
You haven’t been formally warned or even noted about this so there’s no reason to take this further.
I dunno, I kinda see his point. Commenting on people’s clothes at a funereal home is kind of like commenting on who didn’t have their head down and their eyes closed while grace is being said–if you’re truly involved in the purpose at hand, how much extra time and energy do you have to notice what everyone else is up to?
But the process of saying grace takes maybe twenty seconds, so it’s a little different from a funeral where people might show up and stay anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours. It’s pretty hard not to notice someone texting, or wearing a baseball cap, when they’re standing three feet away from you while doing it.
That said, the point Scumpup raised is not without merit, but he didn’t have to be such a snark about it. Compare and contrast your way of defending his point with the way that he originally raised it.
I’m capable of holding several thoughts in my head at one time, and even over the amount of time it takes to attend a funeral. Ditto for making mental observations about the people around me.
I don’t believe the OP mentioned actually commenting out loud on other people’s clothing and behavior, or spending the whole time staring at them and fuming, while she was at the funeral; she came here afterward to vent instead. People use this board for that purpose sometimes.
One thing that was really annoying at my father’s funeral was all the people that came into the family only room with the shut door that said immediate family only, where we could go to be away from visitors. Too many people came into the room and drank the few drinks and ate the few snacks we had in there, while expounding on shit we didn’t want to hear. We were in there to take a break from them, that we needed. Stay out of the family room if your not the immediate family. We were in the condolence line most of the time for 4 hours. After the funeral of my father I was ravenous as I hadn’t eaten for 3 days, except for a half can of pop and a snack cake which was all that these people left in the family only room. I couldn’t even get a whole can of pop.
I don’t remember anything anybody wore to that visitation or the funeral, just that people came and kept coming all night. My brother did do a burn out when somebody that was not immediate family cut us off to be ahead of us driving to the funeral in the procession. We all hated that bitch, but I did get him to stop before he rammed her, barely.
He. I’m a dude.
Sorry, man. 