Are those the panties your Mother laid out for you?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… oh, man! What an absolute KILLER thread! It’s a good thing I live by myself… although the neighbors are probably thinking something’s up with me and the insane laughter coming from my apartment!
[sub]I knew there was a reason I stayed hom from Good Friday services tonight! I love it![/sub]
Nothing to add, but I definitely wanted to say how much I enjoyed this thread! 
Bah! That was too funny.
[going to find more threads to ressurect.]
Sheesh!
Let the dead threads die already.
:rolleyes:
Are you joking? I believe that would be trolling.
Could be wrong but I don’t think so.
That would be trolling as in “digging in the depths”. There are no rules stating you should not bring back old threads, and in fact I rather enjoyed this one … I think I was still lurking when it was around.
Digging up a bunch of threads and giving the hamsters heart attacks won’t fly, I’m sure, but hey … there are some seriously great threads from a year or two ago.
On second thought, it may be a good idea for a Mod to ponder this question. After all, what would be better; dredging up threads that, though entertaining, involve many who no longer post here, or recreating the same thread concepts (perhaps naming them #2 or something) so the Board doesn’t have to bring up four or five pages and we get all the “fresh” faces.
What do we think?
I vote for Fresh Face.
Gorgon Heap, you are nominated to start the thread…
Holy Shot from the Dark Batman!
Tripler
Or was that 'Shot in the Dark?
Some background: my boyfriend and I went to a wedding (the bride was one of his former coworkers). The couple was rather religious. Afterwards, we’re talking about it, and I made some comment like “I hope the groom doesn’t get jealous, because in her vows, the bride said that Jesus would always come first.” Then he reminded me that the groom said the same thing. My answer: “That Jesus is such a slut.” (Yes, I know I’m going to hell).
Anyways, so later on that evening, we were rather sweaty, and had as one earlier poster called “a body fart.” Without missing a beat, he says “Damn you, Jesus!” (He’s going to hell, too). We were laughing so hard that we needed to take a bit of a break before resuming our activities.
Sorry. I would love to, but I have no funny stories. Something happened once years ago that my now wife thought was funny, but it just pissed me off at the time and I have no idea what it was any more.
Actually, seeing the posts in this thread, I just want to hang my head in shame over my complete lack of sexual experience in general. Over the years I’ve been to so many parties with so many people doing so many things … but I never got so much as a kiss.
If I weren’t married, I’d never get laid.
Which, I suppose is rather amusing in an ironic sort of way.
I’ve pondered it. Don’t resurrect an old thread: start a new thread, and in your OP include a link to the old thread.
I had a cousin, who would entertain us with her exploits (she was rather wild, to put it mildly) She told us this story about how, when she was at a concert at some arena, she met this guy and they decided to sneak off to the mens room for some fun. They went into a stall, and she proceeded to drop to her knees and, ummmm, pleasure him.
Afterwards, she was telling us about it, and she told us that he asked her for her phone number. We howled when she told us that she told him NO, because “she hardly knew him” !!!
MOM?!
Got three for you:
-
Making love for, no kidding, the very first time. As we climax I realize that the radio is playing “Paradise By the Dashboard Lights” - and I start to laugh…
-
Same woman, different night, a bit earlier in the process, looks over my shoulder at the “Terminator” poster on my wall (this was a while ago) and says “Oh! That’s how you spell it!” - meaing Arnold’s name… I moved the poster after that.
-
Woman and I had been reading a book on “extending our horizons of pleasure” and decides to tease me - right before the critical moment she yells “Bark! Bark like a dog!” and I was so flustered that my, errrr, dog, couldn’t bark at all… This time, she was the one who couldn’t stop laughing…
Oh my dear Lord…this is the funniest thread I’ve read in awhile. The leg and the pig noises definitely take the cake in my mind. Anyway, I have to tell my two little tales (go me with the alliteration there, eh?)
- The first time I ever performed fellation on my boyfriend…well actually, the first time I ever did it at all, I was quite nervous about the whole swallowing thing…I didn’t want to gag and choke and look like an idiot, so I told him when I started, “Tell me when you’re going to cum”. Unfortunately, my boyfriend, God love him, got so into it that he completely forgot my request (I can’t really blame him…), and was just Mmming and ahhhing and so on. I have TMJ, (in case anyone doesn’t know, this is when your jaw frequently pops out of place…it’s quite annoying and painful) so this whole act, though enjoyable, was causing me some displeasure. In order to alleviate the steady ache in my jaw, I backed off for one second…and got a full shot right to the face. I sat up, facing away from him and just kind of sat there in disbelief, trying not to laugh, and my boyfriend finally said, “Are you okay?”, not realizing what had happened. I said, “Could you hand me that towel?” and turned to face him, and when he saw me, he burst out laughing.
One day I was over my boyfriend’s house . We were just hanging out in his room, watching TV, with the occasional kiss. All of a sudden, we sort of turned to each other and things got serious. He went down on me for quite some time, and afterward, I went down on him for quite some time. By the time I was done with this, he sort of shifted over on the bed and sighed, basking in the glow. Then all of a sudden, totally out of nowhere…he reaches over on the side of his bed and without warning, comes back up with the most GARGANTUAN chocolate chip muffin I have ever seen in my life, takes a huge bite, swallows, holds it toward me and says, “Want some?”. Now perhaps another woman would be offended by this, but this is something completely typical of my boyfriend’s personality. So I stared at him for a second…and burst out laughing hysterically, so hard that I couldn’t even make a sound, I just laid face down on the bed, shaking and crying with laughter. He said “Whaaaaat?”, then immediately joined in my laughter. Now at any given moment, one of us is prone to whisper to the other, “Care for a muffin?”
Okay, this thread is great. My roommate hates me now for laughing aloud while he’s trying to study. I blame all you people. 
Okay, my favorite story of this type didn’t happen to me, but I must share it anyway.
A friend of mine hooked up with a guy at a convention, and they go back to her room for some 'fun." And they’re both wise-@sses, if you get my drift. So in the middle of the action the guy just starts talking to her in a Yoda voice. Not only cracked up her, but also the people in the next room, who were watching tv.
Vengeant
Hmm… I’ve been ignoring this thread for days, waiting to be alone to read it. Hubby hates hates hates when I laugh at the internet and even hates more when i read him things out loud. (Especially if a hockey game is on. Go Canucks!)
But the pig noises reminds me of a similar even, long ago in my burried past…
It was nearing the end of my first year of university, it was springy and warm and beautiful the way it always is when you are young and in love in Montreal. Me and my first boyfriend are getting off the bus to go for breakfast, and we’ve been making playful jokes about “spring has sprung!” all day, so when I jump off the last two stairs of the bus I make a cartoonish “Sproying!” noise. And for some reason Mark says “MMMM, baby say that to me later tonight!” and looks all hot and bothered…
So, I comply. Later we are making out and he’s there but not quite and I say “sproyyying” sprooooying a few times. Not getting much of a reaction… I try it again in my most animated cartoon spring noise… and loud… (this was BEFORE the simpsons, at least before I knew about them but sort of picture the “We put the Spring in Springfield” thing with the sound effects.
Mark sits up! What the @##@ are you doing!
Just what you asked me to…
I did not ask for Wiley Coyote Acme product noises! (He actually said that. His lifes dream was to get an Acme Catalouge!)
Yes you did. (Im almost crying here, because suddenly everythings um…stopped… and Im ummm frustrated, and being made fun of at the same time)
When, when would I have said that?
Today… when I jumped off the bus, near the breakfast place
Oh. I thought you were growling… it sounded sexy then…
I never found out what noise he thought I was making. However, later when I went to the dorm kitchen to make some toast… three people started going SPROING! SPROYING!
My humiliation was complete.
Ah. First girl I’d had sex with, the second weekend I spent at her house, after a few rounds of fornicating, came out of the bathroom and jumped on my leg and farted, saying, “How you like that?”
I was absolutely flabbergasted.
Then I said, “At least my leg is warm.”
And I could not stop laughing. She was less amused.
The lat woman I was with loved when I sang during sex… would send her right over the top. So I sang a few songs and then couldn’t think of anything else to sing… broke out into the Star Spangled Banner… she laughed at first then got into it… orgasmed during the part where ‘the bombs bursting in air’. Afterwards she looks at me and begins singing…‘and I am proud to be an American’ That was too much I just laughed for a good 10 minutes til tears came to my eyes.