winneee, don’t allow him to play with your head like this. He walked away from you. There’s probably a reason why he says “the door had still been open for him.” My guess is that it’s because he thinks he needs a fallback. And if you allow him to come back because he’s made you think that it’s your fault for shutting the door behind him when he left, you’re setting yourself up for trouble. I have been here before.
He hurt you by leaving. You said in your OP that you knew he wasn’t ever coming back. He must have said or done something to make you think this. Now he’s trying to backtrack & say “I didn’t really mean it”? I wouldn’t buy that with someone else’s Platinum card.
(((winneee))) I’m glad you got the few days off. It will help you to get your head a little more together, and at least get you functional. Then you can work some more on really healing.
I time it will be “congratulations”, but not just yet. The feeling of being punched in the stomach will pass, and waking up ready to motor will return. I’m 34, and that one that got away when I was 22 doesn’t hurt anymore. Or the one from when I was 25. The one from last year is almost COMPLETELY gone. A buddy was having a bad divorce, so I made him a tape of songs and I named it “Women Haters Club Theme Songs”, but it is really non-gender-specific. Two months later I asked for it back so I could make a copy after I was the designated dumpee. I sometimes play it REAL LOUD.
I will prematurely welcome you back to the living. Put this welcome in a safe place and pull it out when appropriate. I could mail you the tape, but warning: it was made in 1991 so the songs are dated.
I know I am breaking a cardinal rule by resurrecting such an old thread but I just wanted to update and say that I’ve been married to the guy that dumped for about a year and a half. He’s the best husband and things are great. Nostalgia had me looking at this thread and I thank everyone that helped me through such an awful time. kisses and hugs.
Sometimes we don’t know what we REALLY want until we lose it. I’m glad he realized it before you found someone who could appreciate you (which he apparently finally did).
Excuse me again, but I just really re-read all of the posts here and recognize (from lurking) a lot of the posters.
I really need to give a deep thanks to everyone. That was a horrible time in my life, and you guys came through for a “newbie”. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys have no idea how much you matter in the real world.
Plus, I read UncleBill’s post about how he was almost over a breakup from last year, and I was so confused! What, I wondered, does Geobabe think about all of this? :eek:
But now that I’ve read the breakup story, winnee, I want the reunion story!
Well, I continued on my path of torment for about a month after I started this thread. We emailed back and forth during that time but it was really more in the vein of nailing the coffin shut.
We met for a drink after about five weeks and it was clear (!) to me that it was over – had a very “pal” flavor to it. So much so that I was a lot more myself and spewed about things that I had been too hung up about telling him when I was on my Best Behavior as his girlfriend. I remember telling him one particular thing and thinking, well if he was on the fence about re-dating me before, that just wrecked it.
Go figure.
I got a Valentine’s Day card from him but it was not hopeful – more something kind he did given our recent ickiness.
Then, about a week after VD, he called and asked me to meet him because he had finally come to terms with things and wanted to speak to me about stuff, if I was still willing.
We met at a little Irish pub and he said that he loved me and wanted to marry me. He said that he had been frustrated with how unhappy I was with my life (job) and that he wished he had addressed that instead of breaking up. He told me that he had gone to a wedding with someone else and that at the wedding with this other person he just realized that he should have been with me. He said that during the whole time we were apart, not five minutes went by without him thinking of me.
Just so you all don’t think I’m an attention hog, I really enjoy reading threads where there are updates. So much of the time threads (such as mine) are an in-the-moment kind of crisis, but I really like reading what happened in the long-term. That’s the mindset that inspired me to bump the thread. I totally apologize to those who thought it was recent. Thank you so much for your well wishes.
You’re better off without him. Trite? Cliche? True. True. True? True. You could have been stuck with this wishy-washy dissatisfied “man” for years more, until he told you at 40 he wasn’t happy… or 50. Leaving you older and possibly having to deal with a divorce and or kids too.
Spend time with your friends (this is what friends are for, after all). Get involved again with something you’ve always enjoyed doing but haven’t had the time because you’ve been in a relationship. I disagree with the avoid alcohol contingent… a blowout or two is very cathartic (just don’t drink alone).
Time heals everything… and I’ll put a twenty on the bet that in about 6 months to a year; when you are feeling better and getting on with your life with a couple of nice guys in your dating pool… this poor schmuck will come crawling back to you… having forgot that that thing you can never find, can never be found. Be kind to him when you tell him “no dice”.
Dang… I shouldn’t have been so eager to post my 2 cents worth. Next time I’ll make sure I don’t bolt the barn doors after the horses have escaped (or something like that). Anyway, glad things worked out… sorry I called your fiancee a schmuck.
And here I was all ready with sympathy, because I got dumped by my fiance two and a half months ago because his mother didn’t like me! (Don’t ask what sort of twisted miserable excuse for maternal love and caring went into THAT relationship…I had no idea about any weirdness until after I’d met her.)
I was going to say that it hurts like crazy, but I’m starting to pick up the pieces, and my mom has been absolutely fabulously WONDERFUL. I’ll never understand what really happened, though I have a couple of suspicions. And I miss him more than anybody, though I went so far as to move halfway across the country and back in with my parents. Financially it made a lot more sense, and it did get me out of that town. I was only staying because I was marrying him anyway!
I wouldn’t marry him now, because I’d never be able to get past wondering what ploy his parents would use to try to break us up because THEY are convinced “it’ll never work.” I don’t even want to be in touch with him, because it’ll rip my heart out to hear his voice.
I am so sorry. I know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out. There is a lot of good advice that I received in this thread about how to care for a broken heart. I’m glad you have a fabulous mom to help you through. Fabulous moms are the best.
I wasn’t here when this thread was first started, but all the advice is still relevant.
