Tell her you found a woman that likes penis flavored chocolate.
Why play passive aggressive games when you could just break up and have it done with in mere minutes? The last thing you want to do is reinforce this woman’s crazy ideas about appropriate relationship behavior.
Cheers for DianaG
(emphasis added)
Primarily because people who make up excuses to cheat and make comments regarding the “cleanliness” of girls’ vaginas are acting like assholes. Let me tell you something, IntelSoldier, there is no way for you to tell from the outside who carries STDs. Nice girls catch chlamydia and herpes from guys like you just as easily as sluts do*. I’ve delivered plenty of positive test results to plenty of girls who believed in the integrity of their partners.
Grow up. You won’t go insane from keeping your dick in your pants and saying so makes you sound like an idiot. You don’t “love” her, you don’t respect her in the slightest, and you don’t even sound like you like her. This is another vote for putting on your Big Boy Pants, saying “we aren’t right for each other”, and telling her she needs to make an appointment at her local Planned Parenthood because you valued a random piece of ass over her health and life.
*Scatter liberally where appropriate: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Actually, sluts need to be planted carefully to ensure proper germination. The prevailing wisdom in whorticultural circles is to place them carefully in a cone shaped depression about 5 inches deep and then cover with loose soil. Water daily for the first week and then every other day after that until you see them sprouting. Upon reaching maturity–or even before, there is some controversy here–they should be deflowered. If you remember to prune regularly you’ll have a lovely crop of sluts in no time at all.
Heh - whorticulture. I’ll have to remember that one (I’m trying to bust into the landscape design business).
She doesn’t live with you. right?
You want to avoid any scenes?
Change your locks, change your phone number – or if you can afford it, change your address.
I am totally printing this out and hanging it with the rest of my gardening stuff 
Fed Ex her somewhere far away.
IntelSoldier, are you an actual soldier in the US military? If so, tell her you are being shipped off to Afghanistan or whereever. Hide out or go on vacation for a couple weeks. Have one of your friends tell her you were killed in action saving a small Afghan girl from an unexploded landmine or something. If by chance you bump into her after that, simply tell her you are a ghost and have come back to warn her.
I know a guy who did this.
Well, something similar to this. Specifically I know the girl he did it to.
She was kind of pissed when he showed up alive, but not so eternally pissed that she didn’t start dating him again a few years later.
He shocked the hell out of us all when it turned out (you’ll never believe it!) that he was a bald-faced liar about lots of other things, too. We called him her ‘zombie boyfriend’. Eventually he, I don’t know, got horribly scarred by chemicals just before her birthday one too many times before she gave up.
I swear I am not making this up.
I guarantee you this dude has slept with at least ten women while dating his girlfriend. Who the hell says ‘about’ three? Three is a really small number. You don’t start with the rounding until double digits kick in. When he says ‘most are guaranteed clean’ does that mean two? Two is most of three. Then the remaining girl is ‘the rest’ I suppose. In a way I am impressed, do you think she would be open to being part of a harem?
Ok, so it took all you Dopers to convince me to pull the plug. For everyone that was saying “do it right now”, I decided that I’d do it next fight. I mean, if it’s a good day, why ruin that? Well, last night we met for dinner. Then there was a conversation about ghosts. Of course they’re not real, says I. She disagreed. Ok, so discuss it, right? Well I apparently made her feel stupid, like I “always do”. She said I’m insensitive, which I am to fights about ghosts. She tried not to cry but it didn’t work. After a few minutes, she stopped wimpering and tried making me laugh, which only mildly worked.
When we got back to her dorm, we ended up having an honest discussion. Almost like it was scripted, we batted back and forth reasons why we’re not happy.
Her: “We don’t have fun.” “We fight.” “There’s nothing to do together.” “Why isn’t love enough?” “I didn’t think it would happen like this”
Me: “You tried chess, I tried theater. It didn’t work.” “We can’t go to parties together.” (because she wants to dance WITH ME, I want to talk TO OTHERS, so we fight) “We can’t keep ignoring this problem” “It’s not supposed to end like this”
She broke down, and I therefore did too. I felt like I was strangling a sick puppy. The end may be justified, but the method is cruel and emotionally stenuous. We agreed that we need a break. In a few weeks, we’ll either want each other back, or feel like we can move on. I hope it mutual, whatever I’ll feel.
I felt sick to my stomach afterwards. I felt/feel like I’m missing a chunk of myself now. That means either I have to learn to be single again or I really want her back. Who knows? That’s what the break is supposed to tell me, I guess. So I guess it took the acknowledgment that love isn’t enough to hold us together. I mean, I love her but I can’t stand her. We know we have nothing in common except that love. The Beatles were wrong; love’s not all you need.
So there you go. Questions?
What you have is not love–it sounds an awful lot like codependency to me.
She sounds like a drip; you sound like a jerk, or at least capable of truly jerkish behavior at times. You didn’t end it; you’ve put it on life support for awhile. Now she’ll be doing a Terri Schiavo to keep it “alive”, and you are prolonging your own agony. Bet some tail would feel good about now–to help you cope with your troubles. Why not go find a “clean” girl and prove your manhood some more?
I don’t recall 20 somethings being so crassly selfish and dickish–and I mean both genders here. Maybe there is grace to getting older.
No clowns? You disappoint us.
Regards,
Shodan
Did you tell her that she needs to be STD tested?
My money is on “no.”
**Seriously **:
I think you did the right thing.
You’ve warned her honestly there are problems and made progress towards finding out what you both really want (and need).
Keep thinking and good luck.
Not seriously:
I can’t believe that nobody has yet mentioned the proper way to break up.
You arrange the wedding, invite family and friends and then literally at the altar an ex turns up, pounds on a glass window and persuades one of you to jilt the other.
And of course Simon and Garfunkel are playing the soundtrack…
Good old Shoe!
I swear, this is about two modifiers, a harmonica, and a smoking blunt away from being a rejected track from Blood On The Tracks. What are you, some kind of Dylan fetishist?
Stranger
I’ll just keep it simple: You two are done. You were done as soon as you inserted your penis in another woman without her permission. Now all you’re doing is prolonging the inevitable.
The whole “taking a break” and on-again/off-again drama cycle is so high school. The sooner you can end it once and for all, the better for both of you.
Especially considering that they’re now in “taking a break” mode. Either he didn’t tell her, or she’s way more codependent than we thought.