I agree. The OPer is coming across as a suspicious, controlling jerk. What she did in the 2 weeks that they were broken up is none of his damn business. The whole “Aha! He has a motorcycle!” thing is just too creepy for words.
Break up for her sake and get help.
So you post up this long rambling request for advice, but included instructions to NOT GIVE the one piece of valid advice you are going to get. Then you get combative with posts that don’t agree with how you want to approach this. Then why the fuck did you ask?
For your sake and for hers, let it go. Move on. You, and SHE, will be better off. And before diving into another relationship, deal with your own issues, or you will just be right back here again.
BTW, I have a motorcycle. What’s her number? Too soon?
A read through of the OP’s other topics is… educational.
** timewilltell** - you need to be out of this relationship for good, and then perhaps think about a little bit of relationship counseling. You’ve gotten way off track from what’s normal and healthy.
timewilltell, every single thread you’ve started has addressed your trust issues with this woman. I completely understand that people rarely seek the advice of strangers when things are going well, but surely you have to see the pattern by now. When I saw this thread, I immediately recalled your other threads.
You two aren’t going to work out. Her needs and expectations of the relationship are not compatible with yours. Whether she is cheating on you or whether you are being overly paranoid is beside the point at this juncture. You don’t trust her. Look at the amount of “research” you did regarding her windburn. Regardless of what other posters say about your behavior, do you want to be the guy who has to always check the validity of her story? You saw how people on the board are reacting, and they don’t know you. Do you want to be exhibiting this type of behavior in “the real world?” Your brother said that there’s something about this girl that makes you act crazy. Take that comment to heart.
I’m not making a value judgment on you as a person, but I am saying that if you stay with her, I anticipate another “I don’t trust my girlfriend” thread within the month.
The op is like those horror movies where the first thing the evil spirits say is “Geeet ooouuttt!” After which everyone rationalizes staying in the house until they’re the only person left.
No you don’t. You are letting your own insecurity get to you.
Did she ask you how many chicks you banged or wanted to bang while you were on the break? If so, then right there is your entrance to the conversation. If she didn’t, you come off as really insecure and untrusting.
Do you realize how you continue to blame her when she told you at the outset that she was a liar?
Amazing, init? People tell you* exactly *who they are and some still refuse to hear it.
He meant she was almost certainly lying to you when she said you were exclusive. Because of this:
If someone lies to everybody else all the time, and you know she lies to everybody else all the time, why on Og’s green earth would you believe anything she says to you? I mean, seriously, what are the odds that you’re the one person in the whole world she’s actually honest with?
In all honesty, it doesn’t matter whether she’s cheating on you or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re being paranoid or not. It doesn’t matter if your question about other guys was appropriate or not. Those issues are not what is wrong with this relationship. What is wrong with it is that you guys are deeply, truly, fundamentally not compatible. You have wildly different moral compasses and priorities and expectations from a relationship, and those things will be never-ending sources of major friction between you. You will never be happy with the person she actually is. Never. You’ll always be aching for her to be the person you wish she was, and that will make you beyond miserable. Rip off the bandaid already and get shut of her.
The bedrock of any relationship is trust. If you don’t have it, there us nothing to build on. It doesn’t really matter if you are being paranoid or if she is lying. You two are not going anywhere meaningful. I hope, at least, the sex is good.
I simply disagree that this is a horrible question.
I told her before the break up that I do not believe in being secretive about communication, esp. with some of the preferred sex, and that I do not believe in flirting/having a back burner back up plan while in a relationship. These things are very common, but I dislike it.
She agreed.
I was just reaffirming that there were not any threats to the relationships.
It is a very simple questions.
It’s interesting.
Because I asked her one question and then noticed some oddness that is suspect, I must be entirely controlling and very dysfunctional.
It’s just not the case. Sometimes sea ice is not the tip of an iceberg.
She had a burned face as well, from the wind she said.
Are you familiar with this condition and that air conditioning does not cause it and in fact it only typically occurs in a handful of situations?
It’s odd no one has wrote “yeah, that’s really weird to be happening on a warm, windless day when someone was supposedly at work all day”.
I see that most are more concerned with my question and nothing has been said about the answer.
So, if a question is not “good” then is it okay to lie in response and should this lie then not influence ones perspective/evaluation because it was a lie to a “bad” question?
The reason you appear to be disappointed with most of the responses received is that you appear to be seeking help with your investigation of her unfaithfulness. And most of us are trying to point out that the fact that you are conducting this investigation in the first place probably is a bad idea.
Good luck.
Either she’s lying to you or you’re being overly paranoid and are incapable of trusting her.
Neither are signs of a stable, lasting relationship. How many times do people have to tell you this?
We don’t have to tell you it’s weird. You’ve already told us it is.
You know, deep in your heart, that this girl is not the one. The sooner you end it, the better, and then you can get on with your life.
Yes, assuming he’s looking for “the one.” If he could relax and just enjoy the time he spends with her, everything might work out okay in the short run.
Agreed. If my husband were up my ass as much as the OP is with his girlfriend, my marriage would have imploded long ago.
Hear, hear.