I know several people who use AA. One of them practically destroyed his life by drinking, and has since pretty much regained it, giving much credit to AA. The thing is this: For all practical purposes, both of them are atheists. They use the term “God” with relation to their sobriety in a very loose way. The way they describe it, “God” is just a kind of faith that in the end, they’re going to be okay, no matter what. It allows them to stop worrying or getting anxious about things, which seems to have been a major driving force of their drinking. They have no interest in church or any other kind of religion, and they never refer to “God” as “he,” the way most religious discourse does. They tell me that AA is flexible enough so that they can view “God” in this way and no one else really cares.
Deity or not, I’ll be visiting an AA around here in the future. Seems I’m running out of other workable options.
You have all been epically supportive and helpful and I just want to express my deep appreciation for that.
This thing is clearly out of my control. I don’t know where it goes from here. But thank you all for the pointers. Obviously I have got to relax my perceptions of what I think is realistic or possible. Otherwise I’m gong to die. I don’t mean to be theatrical and I now know that many of you have been in this exact same place as me. I don’t know how you extracted yourselves, it seems like a very personal path for every person, but I am starting in earnest as of now. I hope I can rely on you all for support as I transition through this utterly stupid but apparently necessary phase in my life.
Cheers,
Me.
Hi, Irruncible. You have my sympathy. I’m an alcoholic and don’t mind, in fact I think it’s been good for me overall. But that’s because I’ve been sober a long time, 30 years this coming November 1.
The reason you have my sympathy is that I did spend some years as a problem drinker. It is absolutely horrible horrible horrible. People who have never been a problem drinker, a drunk, can’t know what a bad pseudo-existence it is.
However, being a long term sober alcoholic is really really nice. I like it much more than I think I would like being somebody that just never drank. In fact I would promote that everybody should become a long term sober alcoholic, except for the fact that the transition from drunk alcoholic to sober alcoholic is difficult and not everybody can do it.
So brace yourself and get around this thing! And the only way around it is right through the sorry heart of it.
You may get some mileage out of AA. Yeah they have a religious flavor. Their “higher power” (more often than “God”) is open to interpretation, but it always felt obvious that they are thinking of “God” in the American churchgoing sense. I am an atheist and an antitheist (I’m glad there are no gods) – a devout one, too – and I never became any less happily and enthusiastically atheist in AA. I tried on various approaches to the “higher power” stuff. I interpreted it as the majestic and horrible body of experience of the other sufferers in the room with me, and as my innate human craving to keep on trying, and as the support of my circle of friends, and I just considered it as one of the things there that I just wouldn’t get anything out of and focused on the things that were helpful instead. And I drew on resources outside of AA a great deal too, and would call AA a helpful part of my recovery rather than the whole framework of it. But it certainly was helpful, and the “higher power” business didn’t prevent that.
You are in hell, but if you just don’t drink, you will be out of hell. Good luck, and talk to us, or PM me if you like.
yeah man
hang in there!!!
I’ll have been sober for four years next month, if I don’t drink betwen now and then. For me, quitting on my own was really easy. Unexpectedly so. Like Twain said about smoking, I quit a thousand times, I just couldn’t keep “quitted.”
I even wrote this thread Beer is my buddy, wine my woman, but today, just for today, I must stay away eight years ago. That’s three years before drinking got me fired from my job.
I was a Russian roulette type of drinker. One day I’d have one beer and the next a fifth of Scotch. Never met anyone who could out drink me while I was active.
I was self medicating a mental issue with booze, but it would make things worse. I pretty much had to quit or go nuts.
I’m as hard core of an atheist as I know, but AA has helped give me a support system for keeping going. There’s groups for atheists, but even regular groups have different vibes. You can find one which you feel comfortable with.
You can PM me if want.
I just saw this thread and I can relate.
I drank for 22 years, from age 16 until 38. I’m now 54, and on Jan 31 (8 days from now) I’ll celebrate 16 years of complete sobriety.
Like the OP, I felt good when drinking, then like shit the next day. Details aren’t necessary, but I hit the end of my rope, and gave it all up. It was the best decision I ever made.
Not that things haven’t been hard since (clinical depression, anxiety, lost jobs, lots of unhappiness, mainly due to the chemical imbalance in my brain, hence depression/anxiety, both of which are being treated), but I can’t blame anything on alcohol. For which I’m grateful.
My solution won’t work for everyone, but it worked for me. Basically, it came down to which was more important: drinking or living. I chose living. And I’ve never regretted it.
HMS Irruncible, whatever you choose, AA, or some other way to get sober, know this:
You can get sober. And you’re not alone in how you feel, because you have support, whether it’s from a face to face meeting like AA, or clinical rehab, or an online message board, there are people who’ve gone through what you’re going through, and they can help.
You are not alone in how you feel.
Why would this necessarily be s problem?
Come, come, you must know that any same-sex attraction renders a heterosexual person bi-sexual and therefore incapable of fidelity. Even when David Bowie is involved.
Congrats to all the alcoholics on this thread who have achieved some years of sobriety. It can be hard work–but need not be lonely work.
Because maybe its only something he can feel/express while drinking. And he is married with kids. It could be a problem.
Is this “Jake from Statefarm”?
I told you to quite fracking calling me at 2am. The wife is getting pissed.
And no, I don’t fucking care what kind of kacky pants you are wearing right now.
Why would it be any more of a problem than finding women other than his wife sexually attractive?
I hope this is not out of place …
To those who have identified themselves as alcoholics - what was your path to getting there and at what point did you recognize that it had become a problem, that you had crossed over from being a social drinker, or drinking in moderation, to a person who abused alcohol?
Did you find yourself requiring more alcohol to get the same effect? Was the difficulty of dealing with the issue more psychological or physical withdrawal symptoms?
Thanks.
for me it was drugs, multiple possession and public trespass/public intoxication (for weed) and it was either go to jail (bootcamp) or got a a 28 day program/12 step program and halfway house
Really? Im pretty sure the wife (and all wives) know that their husbands find other women attractive. But how many wives know their husbands find other men attractive? And would they have married them if they did? Its a completely separate issue.
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You won’t get a common set of answers to these questions, because people’s experiences vary significantly. Some alcoholics got black out drunk the first time they drank, others drank socially until some life difficulty led to more drinking and finally out of control drinking.
I think the commonality is the inability to control one’s drinking over the medium and long run. Most of us could refrain from drinking for a night or a week or a month. But once we start drinking again, we drink more than we want to without being to control it. And we often obsess about trying to control it–I’ll wait until seven, I’ll skip Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I’ll only drink beer, etc. None of this has ever worked, but we think that next time, it might.
As far as amounts, most people say they drank more and more to get the same buzzed and happy feeling. Eventually, no amount of alcohol makes you feel buzzed and happy–you just drink because you need to.
I began drinking because I’d grown up with it: my father was a teacher, and my parents entertained a lot (cocktail parties in the 60s), so when I was young, it was normal. A friend of mine took me to parties in high school, and that was it.
Most of the time, though, I was a weekend drinker. I never got fired or in legal trouble for drinking, although I did come close a couple of times for a DUI, but never spent time in jail.
Mostly, I drank at home, or if I was out, got a ride home. My problem was that once I started, I couldn’t stop. So it was a half case of beer at 6:00pm Saturday night, one after another, sometimes even drinking the beer through a straw to get more drunk, until I staggered into bed.
Then I felt like shit and hungover the next day.
Now, it turns my stomach to think about how selfish I was, and how much money (and personal potential) I wasted, and how I treated my family, and how I felt on Sunday mornings.
All that’s over, and I’ve made amends to my friends, my family, and myself.
Man, it’s hard to return to this thread the day after and see the replay of me acting out. You are all titans of warmth and empathy. There’s way too much for me to respond to. However since you’ve all been so kind as to show up to this trainwreck , I will answer some of the curiosity or informational questions.
[QUOTE=DSeid]
To those who have identified themselves as alcoholics - what was your path to getting there and at what point did you recognize that it had become a problem…
[/quote]
I’ve always been a binger, just very infrequently up until about 2 years ago. About 2 years ago I found myself overwhelmed with a stressful IT job, some chronic pain, and raising 3-year-old twins (who are wonderful, but… 3 years old). My social circle had shrunk down to a dot, all hobbies, non-kid hobbies and pursuits evaporated, and my marriage became a clock-punching exercise in child care and housework. I had no way to deal with it. Here is the part that is stupid and funny and tragic… I started watching “Mad Men” and thought “Hey, if it works for Don Draper…”. No shit. I started stashing a bottle of whiskey and hitting it straight partially for self-medication, and partly a fatalistic science experience to see just how far I could push it. Well, I’ve found out enough, but I can’t seem to stop pushing.
Acting out online is the biggest red flag. I dread getting up in the morning and seeing what I’ve posted, who I’ve drunk-messaged, how foolish I’ve acted.
My tolerance is so high that I don’t even feel the buzz anymore. I put away a fifth at a sitting and then sort of black out. (You can see the results upthread). My main obstacle to quitting is boredom; the physical withdrawal is limited to a severe feeling of anxiety that goes away after 3 days of no drinking.
I am not aroused by other men. I revisited a lot of Bowie’s work after he died and I see all new layers of awesomeness that I never felt before, especially ‘Under Pressure.’ So it’s not a sexual thing, it’s just a newfound reverence for these heroic rock gods. Thankfully, sexual confusion is not one of my issues.
[QUOTE=madsircool]
What does your wife think of your drinking?
[/quote]
So as long as I stay employed, help out around the house, and don’t present a nuisance, she doesn’t mind. Generally I manage to do that, but I do catch hell when a hangover slows me down too much or I make a mess in the kitchen at 3AM. Thankfully I haven’t messed up my job or family at this point, but I am getting dangerously close.
I appreciate everyone sharing their personal stories. Maybe I’ll start another thread where I’m not running around with a lampshade on my head.
Don’t worry about the lampshade. I imagine many of us have run around with a few.
I think (alcoholic) binge drinkers have an especially difficult time with acknowledging their alcoholism and getting help, because they can go for days and longer without drinking. So props to you HMSI. You’ve already answered the key question: can I stop drinking once I start? If that’s a no, well, you know where you are. And where you are doesn’t sound like a good place to be. You’re also drinking enough to lead to some pretty serious health problems, even if you do only drink a couple of nights a week.
There are great communities of people ready and willing to welcome you in. And life really does get so much better.