In the interest of honesty, I am reporting that I have failed tonight. Haven’t gotten falling down lampshade drunk, so that’s kind of good I guess? My friend is coming out of 10 days of a real detox tomorrow and he says he has some learnings to share, so I’m looking forward to that.
Set the counter back to day zero.
Sweet shit. I’d have been living in the hospital the last 30 years if I took that advice.
OK, I’m on a binge again. It’s like being in an outer space orbit. I’d love to talk to you if you feel like it, but nothing you can say can bring me down. Maybe I don’t want to come down. Everyone and everything seems so wonderful from up here.
Just checking on you, HMS. You okay? I’ve been reading along and hoping the best for you.
Isn’t that just the worst feeling? You’re looking at your intoxicated state with some surprise and going “why am I HERE again?! I thought I was making progress!”
Yeah, this is how it works for most alcoholics when they try to do it on their own. That’s why “higher power” means “people other than me” for lots of folks in AA.
But as they say, you have to have the desire to stop drinking. At least the desire to have the desire. Find a speaker meeting. Listen to the speakers. Afterwards, walk up to some guy and ask for help. Get phone numbers. Call people. Ask them to call you. It’s astonishing how many people are out there to help you without knowing you. They know about drinking and they know about despair.
You don’t have to commit to AA. It’s just that when you’re starting out, AA meetings are the easiest to find.
And let us know how you’re doing.
Still alive. Was dragging all day, but not too badly because I didn’t quite finish the fifth of rum I was working on (better than it could have been).
On a positive note, today I got braces to correct some TMJ that I think is causing my head, neck, jaw and shoulder pain (I mean of course alcohol makes its own contribution to headaches, duh, but it serves as a temporary painkiller). Also I finished a couple of major projects at work, so there’s a little stress gone.
Guess I’ll just dust myself off and try again. Still looking for an AA meeting that is close by and fits my schedule.
Perhaps there is a solution that would help/force you to drink less on those occasions in the week when you do drink.
Buy less booze.
Let’s say on the order of 5/6 your normal purchase for a start.
I’m sure you’re sensible enough not to get in the car just to get that bit extra once you’ve finishing drinking what you’ve bought.
Hold this level for a while then cut down your purchase another slight bit.
Chip away until you find a medium between the release of having a drink and the ability to stop when you want.
Good luck!
The problem with this idea, if one is an alcoholic of my type, is that this particular method would result in leaving the house while absolutely soused (see what I did there?) to get more booze and likely lead to a dui at a minimum.
In fact, one of my strategies was to ensure I had enough booze in the house every day so that I wouldn’t drive drunk.
I will hunt up my thread where I talk about my last drunk which kinda covers this.
Slee
You should never drink again.
If you take a single drink, it doesn’t change that fact.
If you get very drunk, it doesn’t change that fact.
If you drink for a week, it doesn’t change that fact.
If you disappear from the Dope and spend two years on the street doing nothing but drinking, it doesn’t change that fact.
The bottle right in front of you is always exactly the thing you should not drink right this very second, forever.
You always have to keep trying and it is never ok to stop trying, no matter what you did or what else happens.
Good luck. Pm me if you like.
As sleestak points out, this isn’t how alcohol works. It particularly disables the prefrontal coretext, where “sensible enough” (rational thought) resides. Your suggested strategy is not only why moderation for a real alcoholic rarely works, but also probably the major reason for drunk driving.
Sorry–let me rephrase that [after some coffee]: It’s the prefrontal cortex (spelling), and that strategy–moderation itself–obviously isn’t the reason moderation doesn’t work, which is a circular assertion. I meant to say that the strategy probably won’t work because of how alcohol works on the brain.
This. For better or worse, my anti-DUI plan has always been to keep enormous quantities on hand.
Yesterday I only drank 6 shots because that’s all I had on hand, and today I feel a lot better (sky high tolerance). My struggle is to avoid buying. I have 2 different routes to commute to work and there’s a premium liquor store on each route. When I buy, I’m not even thinking I’ll need a drink, I’m just thinking I might need it later, and remembering how I enjoy a good top shelf rum. So I think I’ll buy it and just not drink it. Then later at home I’ll think I’ll just have 3 drinks. Then 3 hours later somehow I’ve downed a fifth of rum.
So, I guess today’s goal is not to buy anything.
There is a fine song by Brad Paisley called, “I Drink”. I tried to find it on Youtube but for some reason, I could not find it.
Here is an alternative. I hope you enjoy it. But, it’s not as good as “I Drink”.
NSFW - Not Suitable for the Workplace
Yeah, I used to lie to myself in the exact same way.
“I’ll buy two cases. I’ll drink 3 a night. Yeah, that will work.” Even though I had years of experimental evidence that I would drink until I couldn’t drink anymore or all the booze was gone.
On a slightly different subject:
There is a phrase that you hear quite often in A.A. White knuckling it.
I knew about white knuckling from all my failed attempts to stop drinking. I didn’t know the term then, but I knew the feeling very well. The incessant “I can’t drink. GOD I WANT A DRINK. I can’t DRINK. I GOTTA HAVE A DRINK. I CAN’T DRINK. IF I DON’T HAVE A DRINK I AM GOING TO DIE. I CAN’T DRINK…”.
White knuckling it rarely works in my experience. Not only that, the reason one should seek sobriety is that to live better and feel better.
When alcoholics quit it is because, when you come right down to it, drinking isn’t working anymore. All the negatives from drinking, the legal issues, the relationship issues, the guilt, anger, remorse, all that shit becomes your whole life.
White knuckling it sorta fixes one piece of the problem. When you are white knucking it you aren’t drinking. However, you are also not working on getting all the problems that were caused by your drinking fixed. The emotional weight of those problems just pile on and add to the anxiety. Also, when you are white knuckling it, you aren’t working on what caused you to drink in the first place. So the anxiety ramps up and the original causes add pressure since they haven’t been worked on. It is, in my experience, a nightmare.
This is where treatment or a program like A.A. comes in. If you acknowledge the problems and work on them, you can get the anxiety down. The crazies that, if you are an alkie like me, take over your brain go away.
And then comes peace.
Slee
I report yet another failure. I just really like rum better than life. Or more accurately, I believe falsely that I can balance the two.
But here is an achievement:
[QUOTE=Ludwig Wittgenstein]
If there were a verb meaning “to believe falsely,” it would not have any significant first person, present indicative.
[/quote]
I think old Lud never know an alcoholic.
Yeah, but, you still gotta try. Sorry. You’re not off the hook.
Well, I did find a promising AA meeting that works logistically for me. If I can sober up in 3 hours then I have a shot. It could happen.
Here is a funny thing. In a 9x9 downstairs office, I just lost a bottle of rum. Updates to come as they are available.
Bottle of rum found. Expect an evening of hijinks.