Well put, you little frozen Cornhusker, you!
Though not near as priceless as seeing you post a giant message for all to see.
This is an awful segue, but I smell fudge…
And now, through the magic of cyber-teletransportation, I shall simultaneously FTP myself to Nebraska and England. Binary mode, of course - so I can be fully functional on the other end. My winter fur is already in, so I’ll be able to keep you both warm and toasty. Fudge and snausages will be more than adequate to keep the fires stoked.
Well steel…this has been my personal experience as a thread killer: I go through each stage every time I kill a new thread. So it’s really an on-going kind of thing for me. sigh Makes for a real roller coaster ride whenever I post.
Will this thread die? Is this the touch of death? Can I handle the responsibility of killing yet again?
Right now, I’m fresh off the untimely demise of my very own thread–which I killed swiftly and completely. And I must say there is a certain rush of ownership in knowing you’ve off’d one of your own.
Sorry you asked, aren’t you?
Dire, this little Husker is freezing. I think we’re at a whopping 5 degrees here. Mama mia. Bring on the fudge and the hot cider. And the warm furry lycanthropes as well.
Here goes nothing, my second and last attempt to kill this thread. My first intent, the “fart-up-a-post” technique having been proven ineffective, requires countermeasures to be enforced. In accordance with that, the “incommensurably stupid post” strategy is to be followed. HaHaHaHaHa!!! Prepare to die, stupid thread!!!
Wanna know why it won’t die? ’Cause it’s the immortal thread, that’s why. In theory it can not die, unless…well, you better read the whole story.
From httq://////vvv.bullshit.comm/doomsday.htnl:
The prophecy has been fulfilled; the thread that can not be terminated has been born into existence, never to die. Fathered by steeljaw, we are damned to forever encounter such a mighty thread at the top of MPSIMS. At least if the sacred scripture dictated by the One and Only God, Dopus Supremus, to His prophet, Post-a-lot, is to be believed. Quoting verbatim from sacred text:
*"A summit boasting the presence of the most formidable thread-terminators shall congregate sometime, centuries ahead, when the skies darken and the oceans bleed. Its mission: to annihilate the most beastly of all threads, the sentient monster which can not be terminated. Fathered by a sharp-toothed poster, this powerful, unstoppable force shall claim a life of its own, impeding any attempt executed against its existence. Its mission: survive. Its credo: use any means necessary to guarantee mission fulfillment. As long as it exists it will breathe terror into posters and moderators alike; posting will never be the same.
This fearful nemesis shall know no end; by forever assimilating posts, by endlessly accreting them into its vast domains, it shall prove eternal. By virtue of its deceitfulness, it shall absorb errant posts, seduce newbies into posting to itself, induce post padders to increase its post count; it will even trick the most experienced of posters into incurring in the ever-hated double-post. As this trend continues, grow immense it will, invaluable server space being consumed by this spawn from hell.
To effectively destroy this diabolic creature, the most valiant, highly skilled thread assassins shall be summoned. From this reunion a rebellion shall be initiated, it shall forcefully emerge to boldly challenge the menace that threatens MPSIMS’s peaceful, mundane existence. This stupendous congregation of cyber-warriors will heroically attempt to destroy such a malignant, post-absorbing creature. Disgracefully, the rebellion’s honorable quest shall not come to a fruitful conclusion. After surviving edited posts, deleted messages and slow connections, the divine graces shall abandon such extraordinary forces; their once mighty posts, once capable of murdering the most vital, vigorous threads, will be rendered futile, incapable of getting away with even the most pathetic of hijacks. :eek:
As the end nears, the beastly thread, powered by the terabytes of information gathered from its misleading post-inducing strategies, shall prove to be an indomitable opponent. Its posts to view ratio tending to zero, its total posts already reaching the millions, even that won’t be enough to satisfy its incommensurable appetite.
Its power having been vastly increased, it will develop the capability of learning from the received posts, eventually achieving that most human of faculties: the ability to post. From this newfound ability, this Turing-esque thread will develop the sufficient skill to write its own scripts, scripts powerful enough to allow it to spontaneously post into itself, to hijack its own posts, to… do I dare say it? To reach the pinnacle of power, to garner control of the ultimate force in the universe: the capability to MODERATE ITSELF.
This shall mark the end of the resistance; at this point, its undeniable power shall prove unsurpassable. The valiant posters that remain to see the end will witness the once mighty SDMB server crash for the last time. Burdened by the hard drive demands of this demonical thread, it will cease to exist, the grandest MB ever to grace the digital pastures of the Internet shall erode into oblivion, its last post routed into nowhere, dissipated in the opulent vastness of the infinite…
Thusly have the fates spoken, the presage of eternal damnation shall materialize itself and bring forth the end of time…Unless, a mighty warrior of unsurpassed wit and skill, keyboard in hand, and a loyal rodent by his side, will, by means of his bravery and creativeness, conspire to swindle the Beast into accepting the only thing that can fulminate it: THE UNREPLIABLE POST, a post so magnificent, so succinct, so eloquent, that can not be replied to; a post capable of terminating whichever thread it were to be posted on.
If such a formidable post manifests, the end of the dark ages it will mark. The era of reconstruction will commence. The SDMB, once proud and ostentatious, shall once again reign supreme. Its messiah, the prophesied savior, shall be fully digitized and incorporated into its virtual domains, thus ensuring peace and tranquility inside the confines of cyberspace. His glorious name shall echo in the minds of posters to come, His memory shall eternally resonate, with the strength of a zillion posts, in the hearts of those who were saved by his decisiveness. His screen name of choice shall be…"*
Rather unfortunately, the divinely-inspired text is unintelligible after this point, the wear and tear suffered after millennia of existence have conspired to render it incapable of yielding more concrete information. Who is this mighty poster to whom the prophecy attributes such lofty credits as to purport him to be the messiah of the SDMB, the one who will liquidate this formidable opponent, this nemesis of nemeses, this so called immortal thread?
Is it you?
Now, if this crap won’t be sufficient to completely terminate this thread I have no idea what will.
Want a proof that insomnia exists? Read the post above. :rolleyes:
As implied by my sig, I wrote this crap late at night while suffering from an occasional attack of insomnia. I just spell-checked it before posting and did not realize this until now:
Tending to ONE!!!
Once again, damn it. See what I meant before, this thread is alive. Its alive, I tell you!!! Alive!!! Somehow it gets into our unconscious mind and, using some perverted trickery, commands us to unwillingly keep posting to it.
I confess it was me that stabbed a perfectly good *Chinese Restaurant Names * in IMHO to death with an apparent dull spoon in the library dressed as Colonel Mustard.
All the other threads that I have strangled to death I have forgotten. You’ll just have to dig under my basement to see what carcasses you can unearth there.
This is all beginning to sound familiar. Verrrrryyyyy familiar.
I suppose I’d better run for lunch for everyone. Just do me a favor while I’m gone? Everybody STAY AWAY from any thread orifices…that gunk is a bitch to get off.
Why this looks like a job for…well me of course! Steely, you can have my title when you pry it from my cold dead sig!
Forever…
Super-Mega Thread Killer o’ Doom. (as declared by jester)
hey, Dire, fully functional at both ends? Sounds like those orifices Struuter warned us about…(it’s alright Struuter, I brought some WetWipes ™, and I ordered another gross of them to be delivered to this address, we should be fine…but just in case…some fluffy bathrobes are in the threadkilling lobby…)
But while you are omnipresent, oh warm, wolfly one, could you transport some of struuter’s fudge in exchange for extra snausages? Oh, and better run some past InternetLegend too…
Friends help friends kill threads…(they don’t keep resurrecting hem from page 2…)
Fierra looks briefly ashamed, then grins & says, I think i’ll go now…
fierra, my deara, I just couldn’t leave you here all alone tonight, now could I? I wouldn’t want you to suffer the guilt of threadicide. Now, come over here, cuddle up, and I’ll keep you warm.
Apparently, struuter is doing quite fine in the ahem heat department. It’s getting pretty steamy in that thread, so I FTP’d out of there and took all the fudge with me. Hey, I wouldn’t want it to melt or anything.
:: tosses a big chunk of fudge InternetLegend’s way ::