Maybe I am simply unschooled in the etiquette of sending naked photos to people, but I’d read that as a request for something more tasteful. Classical nudity, not close-ups on Junior.
Well, my first thought on reading the OP was that Floaty was a guy b/c it just sounded like a guy name. So the whole “violated” thing sounded weird but then I figured maybe it was just a straight guy/homophobia thing. (Sorry, yes, I did miss the part where the OP mentioned considering dating him.) Then when I realized the OP was female, I guess the “violated” part made more sense but still felt a bit much. So I figured, was it the introduction of sexual tension?
But then I realized that you said you were pretty much cybering and flirting, it doesn’t seem so weird.
Is the human wang such an inherently scary thing that seeing it would freak out most women? If the guy had said IMed you saying something sexual about oral sex or blow jobs or penises, would that under any situation have skeeved you? Also, is it that it was a guy–if it was a lesbian woman with a crush on you who sent you a vagina, would that be creepy? Is it just seeing someone’s genitals or is it that it’s a penis?
I understand why, on seeing the picture, you felt violated. You were expecting a certain kind of behavior from him and that was a sudden change into something sexual.
Perhaps more than an apology, you’d like him to acknowledge how you felt and to firmly establish that boundary?
I can be quite socially clueless myself but I’d never do this unless I was unambiguously asked to do so (even then, it’s not really classy). But this seems a very low threshold for betrayal or violation.
There was ambiguity in your relationship and in what you meant by “send me cock pics”. Telling someone to do something when they don’t have the equipment to do it is not the same sa saying it when they do have the equipment to do it.
Ambiguity in the relationship + ambiguous running joke that’s misunderstood + crass behavior on his part + overreaction on your part= threatened friendship.
Maybe he’s been shy about contacting you because he’s convinced himself that he really did do more than a stupid, socially awkward thing and that you don’t want to speak to him. Your reply seems conducive to slowly improving the relationship.
Perhaps you’ve already done this, but talking about how it made you feel in non-accusatory terms could help. Instead of saying “You betrayed and violated me by overstepping my boundary” you could say that this misunderstanding made you feel violated and that this is one of your boundaries.
I just wanted to clarify that I’ve never ever said “send me cock pics”. He and I both would say the same thing, upon getting a new camera or something “oh, now you can send naked pics!”
I’ve even said a similar thing to my MOM and GRANDMA when they got webcams “oooohh now you can send naked pics!”.
He knows it’s always been a joke, he just said “you asked for it” as a way of excusing himself.
I don’t want the people who think I’m a horrible person, for feeling “a little violated” at a larger than life picture of my friends penis, to start saying I said “send cock pics!”.
I felt “a little violated” because he knows everything about my (what I consider severe) childhood sexual abuse.
I think I’d use Photoshop and add a Christmas wreath around the bottom of it and have a Christmas card made for him. This Christmas I’d send it out to him as if that is the Christmas card I’m using for all of my friends this year.
Merry Christmas 2010 from Sleeps. Sending all of you a little (and I do mean little) good cheer.
Ha! 
Great creative idea. I wish my mind worked like that more often. Do you give lessons?
Indeed. Here he’s a 40-year-old virgin living with his mother. Floaty’s cyber relationship is the most intimacy he’s ever had. This was probably a moment that he’d been working himself up toward for a long time, and the recently increased flirtation gave him the nerve to do it.
Sure, it’s a crass way to escalate a relationship–but what does he know? He’s an absolute social outcast.
Floaty is the only woman who seemed to really care. They talked of love and sex, and she knew he had romantic feelings. They planned to meet in person. He thought there was a chance! Finally, he does what they’ve been telling each other to do for years–her humorously, he hopefully.
But she rejected him! The fragile tower of rising confidence (heh) has fallen. Hurt and defensive, he says that perhaps he won’t be in touch for a while. She responds snippily. Three months later, he sends her a birthday gift. He’s too shy and hurt to call her or anything, but… he still loves her!
And here she is, wondering if he still needs to apologize to her… :smack:
Really? And what else did his email say? And you read mine as well I see?
I got a reply to my email.
He said he felt horrible after sending me the picture and had a momentary laps in judgment but didn’t know how to fix it so he just withdrew. He said he understands how I would be bothered by it and he even admitted to knowing that when we say “now you can send naked pics” it’s just a joke.
So all’s well that ends well.
Ah, nice. All’s well that ends well!
You can learn a valuable life lesson about relationships between men and women from this, though - don’t open doors you don’t want to go through. You don’t talk about sex and nakedness and sexual stuff with a guy you have no sexual interest in - it’s better not to blur that line (because sooner or later they’ll send you a picture of their erect penis).
Also, I understand that in online ads, guys post pictures of their Mr. Winkies all the time. It’s apparently a guy thing. (As opposed to a guy’s thing, which I suppose it is, too.)
I have to agree with you on that one. I wonder what I can say if he brings up something sexual?
It’s a habit you develop over time; you sort of downplay and ignore comments that are trying to take you somewhere you aren’t interested in going. Say for example he makes a sexual comment while you’re chatting online, you could just ignore it and respond by changing the subject.
I’m glad I saw that before I sent my not-very-nice response to your bit about “you still owe me an apology”. The man has fuck-all to do with your past issues and it would be nice not to wield them as a weapon against anyone who crosses a line you bait them up to.
I read what you said each of you said, of course.
And does anyone else get the feeling that the matter has not at all “ended well” for the poor misled bastard of the story? Sounds to me like he’s pulled himself together enough to tell Floaty what he thinks she wants to hear, so that she’ll be his “friend” again.
You seem to be almost taking this personally or applying some personal feelings toward it. I guess I’m confused how he’s a poor misled bastard. I fully admit that there might be a lot more to this story than I know about, so I’m wondering what makes you feel that way.
This isn’t some teenager who could be tricked into doing what he doesn’t really want to do. He’s a middle aged man who, I assume, is going to be her friend or not because he chooses to. Has she promised him that she’ll be with him and that’s why you feel he’s mislead?
You’re just making things up to suit some sort of agenda you seem to have. There’s nothing I can do about that. Sorry you have issues.
Exactly what I’m thinking. Problem is it doesn’t work that way. You take a risk when you cross that line, as you can never go back. Something changes about the relationship when this happens. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it’s a bad thing.
I’m not saying Floaty did anything wrong, because I honestly don’t know how it all came across. But I’m sure things are not just fine on his end. This is a classic save-face maneuver. If he knew for sure you were just joking, he wouldn’t have tried.