I pit dating

The BBQ Pit
201

[QUOTE=featherlou]
What a lovely post. I find as I’m getting older that I think older people look just fine to me - the wrinkles and grey hair and whatever just don’t seem to matter. I must be seeing the beautiful, not the gorgeous.
[/QUOTE]
Yes. There was a lady with silver threads in her black hair, and I could see the woman she would be at seventy inshe shape of her face as well as the woman she was at twenty. Her smile knocked me over; her answering-machine messages were poetry, and her passion and intelligence shone through everything she did.

She was one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen.

202

Oh man. I am returning to officially dating after a while of enjoyable singlehood and I am not looking forward to it. I have a problem meeting good men as well. It seems a lot of the men I am attracted to are not attracted to me. I’ve hit on many men and been rejected. It doesn’t help that I am attracted to above average intelligence which lowers my dating pool significantly.

The biggest problem I have with the men I’m friends with and have been dating is lack of financial stability. I’m not a gold digger, I don’t need my spouse to be rich, I just want him to have good financial habits and have at least as much money as me in savings if not more. All of the money I have I made myself through work which was mostly minimum wage so I am not asking for much, just a promise that he doesn’t spend money on stupid stuff.

I’m thinking about having a family and, as most of the guys I know have way less child experience than me, I figure it will be me who will be staying at home with the kids if we decide to have them. Because of this, I’d prefer a guy who either has a very nice, stable job or is currently working to get one. I don’t mind working fulltime to support a stay at home husband who was good with kids but, unfortunately, many of the smart, attractive, single guys I know spend money like water! I have a friend who’d I be with in a second if he would stop spending most of his pay check on fancy foods and flying around the country to attend raves. I’m the type who saves a lot so I wouldn’t work well with a spender.

It may just be my location. A lot of people I know here have rich parents who support them and let them breeze through school without having to take a job or worry about money. I have friends who wreck only expensive cars only to be bought new ones by their parents. I have classmates who stay in college only because if they don’t their parents will stop paying all their bills.

I’m hoping when I move to NorCal I’ll meet some decent local guys who aren’t in debt or heading towards it.

203

[QUOTE=featherlou]
What a lovely post.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, and thank you. :slight_smile:

204

So, kimera… wanna visit Toronto? Lotsa single non-stupid men here. Some of us are even debt-free and looking to start/join a family. :slight_smile:

205

[QUOTE=Apollo’s Towel]
So here we have a guy who is apparently waffling like mad. And she gets exasperated with the waffling and bluntly tells him what’s on her mind, and that she doesn’t want to deal with the waffling crap any more. Dead Badger is spot on - there is absolutely nothing wrong with what she said here.

In fact, a whole bunch of you men said up thread that you wanted the woman to be honest and just tell you how she feels. Well, here’s a perfect example of a woman who’s done exactly that, and she gets called a bitch. And then you wonder why women don’t tell you the unvarnished truth more often, eh? :rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]
The problem is that even her short statement was full of contraditions; I love you, but I think you’re a repulsive idiot that gives me nightmares; I’ll always be here for you, but I’m not going to volunteer to actually support you, et cetera.

I can’t speak for all of “you men”, but I’d personally like a woman to try to figure out what in fact she feels before glurging out a random collection of oxymoronic statements that I’m then expected to parse into some kind of sense and respond in the precisely appropriate way to comfort, empathize, and support her without pandering, condescending, or incorrectly agreeing with an opinion that was only spuriously held, thus rendering me in the metaphorical doghouse regardless of what I do, including remaining silent. (My boss’ all purpose suggestion is simply to complement a woman on her shoes, which curiously does work a vast majority of the time.)

On the upsdie, the inability to cope with this does leave me plenty of time to have a Sam Peckinpah movie marathon. Tonight’s showing is The Wild Bunch, Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia, and a midnight showing of The Killer Elite. :wink:

Stranger

206

I think it’s possible that “you’re a moron for leaving me” was a little hyperbole/humor, or empowering herself. Or maybe that’s what all her friends have been telling her, and she decided they were right. She’s not normally that blunt or mean, unless she’s talking about Bush.

I did reply to her, basically saying that she was right on all counts. I feel really bad about the whole thing.

207

[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train]
The problem is that even her short statement was full of contraditions; I love you, but I think you’re a repulsive idiot that gives me nightmares; I’ll always be here for you, but I’m not going to volunteer to actually support you, et cetera.

I can’t speak for all of “you men”, but I’d personally like a woman to try to figure out what in fact she feels before glurging out a random collection of oxymoronic statements {snip}
[/quote]

He broke up with her. I think that she’s more than entitled to feel and express the conflict that she is feeling, since tdn is the one who caused that conflict to exist in the first place. Surely, if you are a man who has repeatedly been hurt in the romance department, sympathize with her emotions? I don’t see how you can condemn her, really.

I also get the sense that she is being a bit playful with the moron thing.

208

[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train]
The problem is that even her short statement was full of contraditions; I love you, but I think you’re a repulsive idiot that gives me nightmares; I’ll always be here for you, but I’m not going to volunteer to actually support you, et cetera.
[/quote]

Oh, ferchrissakes. Do you not speak the English language? It really isn’t that hard. When “but” is used as a conjunction linking contrasting statements, it could not be any clearer that the second statement is the key.

“I wanted to go to the store, but my car had a flat tire (so I didn’t go).”
“She tried to dye her hair auburn, but it came out orange (instead of red).”
“I was hoping to win the lottery this weekend, but I didn’t have the winning ticket (so it’s back to work on Monday).”
“I still love you, but I can’t deal with any more hurt (so I don’t want to see you again).”

No one with any decent grasp on the language has any difficulty parsing any of those statements. Or are you going to tell me with a straight face that the first three examples are oxymorons, too?

I swear, you guys are your own worst enemies. Keep blaming it on the women, though, if it makes you feel content with the choice to live like a hermit.

209

Well, the important detail is that tdn seems to have no problem understanding the communication. Stranger, here’s a translation for you.

[QUOTE=translation]
I am sorry I didn’t call you. I didn’t forget to call you. Seeing you upset me. You hurt me a lot. I don’t want to be hurt any more by you. I’m angry at you. Why don’t you love me, you moron?
[/QUOTE]

(I agree that the “moron” is playful, or at least, wry.)

[QUOTE=translation, cont.]
I know you understand how hurt I am and are intelligent enough not to be offended by my calling you a moron. You are a really cool person. However, it hurts me too much right now to be around you. But, if Something Bad happens and you need a friend, I will give you the support you need without throwing your treatment of me back in your face.
[/QUOTE]

I actually like tdn’s ex’s style. (It certainly beats my translation.) I get the feeling you’d prefer an ex who just smacked you in the head. Tastes differ. :stuck_out_tongue:

[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train]
(My boss’ all purpose suggestion is simply to complement a woman on her shoes, which curiously does work a vast majority of the time.)
[/QUOTE]

While I’m offering unsolicited advice, here’s an Important Nugget: if a woman pours her heart out to you on a similar topic a la tdn’s ex, please don’t respond by complimenting her shoes.

[QUOTE=Lloyd Dobler]
I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.
[/QUOTE]

210

[QUOTE=Sitnam]
My English friends never understood the concept. If you like someone you get your friends, she gets her’s, and you meet at a pub. If things don’t work out, someone else might still get some action. This rose, pizza, movie dance is ridiculous.
[/QUOTE]

I prefer that model, still doesn’t work for me though, I’m just glad I have my baby and I can leave relationships alone for the rest of my life :smiley:

211

[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train]
On the upsdie, the inability to cope with this does leave me plenty of time to have a Sam Peckinpah movie marathon. Tonight’s showing is The Wild Bunch, Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia, and a midnight showing of The Killer Elite. :wink:
[/QUOTE]

It won’t be a date, but where should I bring the popcorn?

212

[QUOTE=Barrett Bonden]

[QUOTE=I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.]

[/QUOTE]

[/QUOTE]
Denny: Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her of your mind.
Mark: Your only mistake is that you didn’t dump her first. Diane Court is a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us and you walk tall.
Luke: Bitches, man.
Lloyd Dobler: I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you’re here at like the Gas ‘n’ Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
Joe: By choice, man.
Lloyd Dobler: [after leaving the Gas & Sip guys] That was a mistake.[right]–Say Anything…[/right]

For the record, I don’t blame women for my own social ineptitude and utter lack of relationship skills. I just wish I could make sense of what they’re saying most of the time.

Stranger

213

[QUOTE=AHoosierMama]
I pit everyone that posts ten paragraphs about this really cool person they’d like to ask out but just can’t figure out the best approach. Is it really THAT painful to get rejected once in a while? If you wanna go out with someone - ask 'em out! You’re bound to get a yes every now and then.
[/QUOTE]

Thank you!

The over analysing is actually creepier than the whole just going up and asking her the hell out proposition.

214

[QUOTE=SisterCoyote]
It won’t be a date…
[/QUOTE]

nerds pwned again!

:slight_smile:

215

[QUOTE=kimera]
I’ve hit on many men and been rejected.
[/quote]

:eek: Miss Kimera, whomever had the honor of getting hit on by you and passing up the opportunity is a world class dumbass!
I think perhaps you weren’t clear enough in communicating your interest. Either that or they didn’t speak English.

Six or one-half dozen really. SoCal’s got a high concentration of spoiled rich brats and NorCal has a high concentration of socially inept geeks. I lived in NorCal for a long time and all the friends I had were absolutely brilliant people who had great jobs with excellent pay, yet they were always in debt and some were frequently broke. Most people I know (men and women) have a hard time with restraining frivolous spending. This is more prevalent amongst my affluent friends living in western countries than those I know in less well off parts of the world.

216

[QUOTE=Apollo’s Towel]
Oh, ferchrissakes. Do you not speak the English language? It really isn’t that hard. When “but” is used as a conjunction linking contrasting statements, it could not be any clearer that the second statement is the key.

“I wanted to go to the store, but my car had a flat tire (so I didn’t go).”
“She tried to dye her hair auburn, but it came out orange (instead of red).”
“I was hoping to win the lottery this weekend, but I didn’t have the winning ticket (so it’s back to work on Monday).”
“I still love you, but I can’t deal with any more hurt (so I don’t want to see you again).”

No one with any decent grasp on the language has any difficulty parsing any of those statements. Or are you going to tell me with a straight face that the first three examples are oxymorons, too?

I swear, you guys are your own worst enemies. Keep blaming it on the women, though, if it makes you feel content with the choice to live like a hermit.
[/QUOTE]
You’re tdn’s ex, aren’t you? Come on, fess up.

217

[QUOTE=Lord Ashtar]
You’re tdn’s ex, aren’t you? Come on, fess up.
[/QUOTE]

Heh. No, more like I had an officemate much like Stranger on a Train, it seems.

Stewart, is that you? :dubious:

218

[QUOTE=burundi]
“You probably won’t like me, but…,”
[/QUOTE]

I’d say this one depends on how you spin/say it…Somtimes I say “you’ll probably hate me, but I don’t like chocolate” after chatting with someone a bit as a way to move the conversation into food-related topics. It tends to work, because, I’m guessing, it’s clear that the “you’ll proably hate me” part is not serious.

219

[QUOTE=Apollo’s Towel]
Oh, ferchrissakes. Do you not speak the English language? It really isn’t that hard. When “but” is used as a conjunction linking contrasting statements, it could not be any clearer that the second statement is the key.

“I wanted to go to the store, but my car had a flat tire (so I didn’t go).”
“She tried to dye her hair auburn, but it came out orange (instead of red).”
“I was hoping to win the lottery this weekend, but I didn’t have the winning ticket (so it’s back to work on Monday).”
“I still love you, but I can’t deal with any more hurt (so I don’t want to see you again).”

[/QUOTE]

Against your four sample sentences, let’s compare the two examples provided to you by others:

“I love you, but I think you’re a repulsive idiot that gives me nightmares.”

“I’ll always be here for you, but I’m not going to volunteer to actually support you”

In each of your first three examples, the second clause explains why the attempt mentioned in the first clause was unsuccesful. In your fourth example, the second sentence explains why the normally expected outcome of the first sentence did not take place.

This is how we can understand your sentences as not involving a contradiction.

But I submit the two other sentences are more like this:

“Cat’s are nice, but then again, they aren’t nice at all.”

This is just a flat-out contradiction. The second clause simply negates the first. Neither of the two example sentences involve contradictions as direct as this, but they do express sentiments that are very nearly directly contradictory. No one “loves” someone they think is “repulsive” and who gives them nightmares. Similarly, it does not make sense to say one is “there for you” but does not “support you.”

-FrL-

220

What’s irritating is that when you decide to be alone that that turns into some sort of magnetic force. Great, now that I’ve written you people off, now you show interest? How about you take those XX chromosomes elsewhere, eh? Sod off, I’m off the clock.

There’s an irritating coupling bias out there, where people rather assume that you want to pair off. Sometimes, people are working out, just to work out. Are teaching part time for greed and/or love of the subject, and not to inappropriately pair-bond with students. Sometimes, people are at museums for the art, not for urban pairing rituals.

And at restaurants? It’s one, not “just one,” or “only one.”