I'm fat according to you so, what? You hate me?

The BBQ Pit
41

Oh gawd, now I have to go and admit that I saw this episode of Rikki Lake – damn you!

Mark, honey, there’s a big big BIG difference between BBWs and cheap skangy ho’s. I saw the show. Those weren’t your average BBWs, those were people getting to act like total assholes on TV.

So, I find this curious. You just don’t dig fat chicks – so why’d you sit through the episode? Gaping at the freak show? Laughing your ass off at them? Were you embarassed for them, or for yourself? Did you hoot and catcall and make fun of them while you watched? Come on … if big girls aren’t your thing, why the hell did you watch it?

It feels like this is an AA meeting: Hi, I’m Suzeanne, and I’m a Fat Chick. Back the fuck off. :slight_smile:

I’m not small by any means, nor do I bother to apologize for my size to ANYONE but myself. I know I need to lose some weight for my own health, especially now (though it’s impossible since exercise is totally O-U-T OUT, thank you, Elvis has left the building), but if someone refuses interest in me because of my size, I didn’t need them in the first place.

And you know, I’ve still never had any trouble getting attention, despite being anywhere from a size 14 to 18 (depending on the state of my health). Hey, everybody likes something different, and thank god for that, because this world would be damned boring if we had to look at the same bodies day in and day out.

You know what hurt? Being 5’5," 140 pounds and having a SKINNY (blow away in a stiff breeze) doctor that had never had children tell me that I was clinically obese. 140. 5’5." This is with a substantially too large breast size added into the weight figures.

I cried. Then I wanted to hit her, especially since that little observation of hers had NOTHING to do with what she was seeing me for.

Now, I’m the one making fat jokes. I’m comfortable enough in my skin to tell a wiseass what they can do with it.

Oh, if only I’d had that then.

42

MarkSerlin – okay I was really nice the first time but no, you had to come back and be an even bigger asshole. No, I’m not going to waste my time and cut and paste your comments. They do not deserve to be repeated.

Some people, big or small, love themselves. They like to wear revealing clothing. They feel they have it “going on”. Wether or not they do is up to them and those who see them. You saw this on a talk show? Interesting that you watch this shit in the first place but okay. So, she’s big and loves herself and has no problem showing it off. For every one of you, hating it, there’s another handful of guys loving it. So, would it be okay for a skinny woman with big boobs to do this? According to you, yes. Only certain women should be secure enough in their own sense of self to do this. Apparently, only the ones who fit what you deem acceptable should be ALLOWED to do this.

You wouldn’t prance around but I’ll bet there is a woman in your life that feels you shouldn’t be ashamed to do so. She probably finds you sexy as hell. No problem there. But you are so wrapped up in judging others that you cannot let others have freedom of expression.

So what if some woman wears pants YOU find too tight? Isn’t that HER never mind? And her hair is too short? Again, isn’t that her never mind? And a beard made you look like a jerk? Are you sure it wasn’t the shit flowing from your mouth or fingertips? To me, THAT makes you look a total jerk and jackass. Your comments on this thread have shown me that we have a long way to go.

It’s okay to be fat but only if you cover it up? That’s absurd! You can no more “cover up” the fact that you are fat than you can “cover up” the fact that you are white. Or no more than you could ever even hope to “cover up” the fact that you are a major asshole.

43

I’m 5’1" and 100 lbs. (and I have gained 15 lbs over the last few years). I have been called some of the most insulting names TO MY FACE by complete strangers! I don’t see where anyone gets off making comments about anyone’s weight, in person or on this BB. If you don’t like someone’s appearance, keep your comments to yourself and shop for someone who fits your twisted image of “acceptable.” It is rude, insulting, and downright mean to make any of the negative comments I’ve seen in this thread…I don’t care what your personal friggin’ preference is. Keep your shitty attitude to yourself. Show some kindness, exhibit some compassion, and use your head for something besides a friggin’ hat rack.

44

MarkSerlin
Quote:
(Kind of like that stupid Texas thing of wearing cowboy boots and shorts on the beach.)

I don’t know when the last time you were on a beach in Texas,but in over 40 years of living on the Texas gulf coast the only time I have ever seen cowboy boots worn with shorts was when they were worn by a tourist!
T LION

45

Well, I might as well chime in and make some enemies. Damn poor impulse control again.

First, the obligatory discertation on my appearance. I’m 6’3" and weigh 215 lbs. I used to be very athletic, and in college developed the traditional beer and pizza gut from partying and stopping exercise. I’m out of shape, and lost my muscle tone, but still am very comfortable with myself. I however am fat by my standards, and will lose weight and get into shape.

Now, it’s obvious that it is in poor taste to critisize anyone for their appearance, intelligence, race, religion, sexual desires, haircut, or sports affiliation. But lets face it, jokes are jokes, and they are here to stay. I’m happy for it too. I enjoy humor pointed at me, and at others. Its just jokes to me. Obviously others don’t like jokes at their expense. This is understandable, but quit blaming society. The problem is with yourself. Not that your fat, bald, ugly, or whatever, but that you have zero self esteem. People would rather change society and dictate the opinions of billions than change themselves. Does this sound ricockulous to anyone else. How you change yourself to adjust to society is up to you. You can lose the weight, get a rug, shop at the Gap, or you can boost your self esteem. Maybe a combination of these is necessary, but whatever you do the change must come from within. Happiness isn’t society’s responsibilty, its yours to take, and can only be done through internal change.

This said, I hear alot of hypocritical comments and a viscious double standard. “How dare any of those pathetic, disgusting, sickly, bitchy thin girls think badly of me.” People in glass houses… Now its not right for anyone to maliciously verbally abuse another, and the ideal of not saying anything if you don’t have anything nice to say is reasonable. But that swings both ways. Not to mention that the defensive, bitter, hypersensitivity doesn’t do a bit of good to the beauty is on the inside claim. These traits are ugly on anyone.

To the fat issue. Now I’m going to get flamed for this but I’m in the group who believes weight is not a genetic abnormality. I’m a part of an obese family, and everyone who chose to lose weight has done so. No one has ever convinced me that they have done everything and still not lost weight. People frequently have dieted so sporadically over years that no diet can shed pounds, but these people are too out of shape to exercise effectively. Its a nasty catch 22, but the error is all the individuals. I believe no one is destined to be fat no matter what, if they form healthy habits at a young age they will stay healthy. If you let yourself go until your 45, and then wonder why the weight isn’t melting off, I’d accept you have a abnormally difficult road to tow.

The above opinion is the root of my disdain for the concept that obese people deserve special treatment. Obesity isn’t a disability, its a health issue. I compare it to a lifetime smoker. I will not offer public aid to emphasema patients, and provide for people who no longer have the stamina to do their job or get by in life because they abused their body. I don’t however take away from their unencumbered right to smoke 5 packs a day, just don’t ask for help when it bites you in the ass. I feel the same way about obesity. I don’t think you’re entitled to wider seats on planes, and equal representation on TV. This problem is of your own making. The causes are not always discernable, and the victims are unknowingly influenced by the media, but so were smokers in the 50s. The world is a minefield of dangers, its not society’s resposibility to catch you when you get burned.

All this said I whole heartedly endorse anyone who is fat to be happy that way. Its no ones business what you wear, if you are trying to lose weight or not. The only thing i say is be happy with yourself, and don’t burden us with your self esteem issues. I don’t believe its society’s fault, and even if it is you can’t change it. Be happy with yourself, you’re welcome to your choices and self image, but accept that I am too.

I want to shortly say that the media influence may not be a malicious cancer on society. The cause of the current perseption of beauty may be simply a natual reaction to whats healthy. It’s not clear that a 115 lb woman is healthier than a 140 lb woman, but one could hypothesize that the preference to thinner women may be the natural selection. This image causes eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum, but a large percentage of women carry the media expressed qualities. I figure that if the media image was 200 lb women that the average woman would be much worse off, than today. Its my theory, and i’m stickin with it.

One opinion that has been voiced that particularly angers me is the critisism of mates who aren’t attracted to the overweight people. These people are entitled to their preferences, no question. I choose to drink beer frequently, watch lots of football, and rarely dress “fashionably”. Thsi is my choice, I’m very happy with it, but i’m not so arrogant to belittle a woman who decides she’d perfer a man who loves art, opera, and italian suits. Its her choice, her loss, and my oppotunity to find the person who wants me for me. Why am I a bad, shallow person for not finding overweight women attractive. Beauty is not skin deep, but its not completely submerged either. The attacking of the mates who don’t find you attractive is a defense mechanism to try and bolster self esteem, I can accept that, but it doesn’t generate much support for the idea that I’m beautiful inside. Sorry hon, but that hate and anger is a sign of a less than beautiful inside.

You live how you please. I won’t tell you how to live your life, and I won’t critisize you. But human nature compels me surmise that your lifestyle choice, if different than mine, is wrong. If it weren’t wrong then it would me my choice as well. We don’t all need to agree, but we need to respect each others choices. The respect include not making fun of others, as well as accepting the fact that others may not agree with your choice. If you ask for, or become privy to, someone elses opinion of your lifestyle its not fair for you to hate them for their ideals, any more than it is for them to hate you.

The facts expressed here belong to everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is
yours to draw…
Omniscient; BAG

46

Yes, omniscient, and society used to think that bear baiting was the heighth of entertainment. Thankfully, though, our tastes have been refined. Making jokes of someone else’s difficulties is a cheap and heartless way to get a laugh. I’d like to think that we, as a whole, are getting over that, and I’ll do my best to challenge anyone who thinks that being cruel to people is appropriate humor.

You know, you’re right. I catch myself doing that, and I try to stop myself. It’s hard not to have a case of sour grapes when society idolizes one extreme end of the weight spectrum and villifies the other. Mostly though, when an underweight woman and I talk about our troubles, it’s with a bemused shaking of our heads for just how insane today’s standards are.

And of course, you’re a degreed geneticist with the knowledge and experience to pass this judgement on all overweight people. I see.

Hey, way to boil a complex situation down so you can blame all the fatties that so disgust you.

Who here is asking for special treatment, Om? Silly me, I thought we were asking for fair treatment: not to be mocked, not to be insulted, not to have others assume that we are lazy, face-stuffing pigs because we are overweight.

It is always the second, and sometimes the first. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive.

You mean, you compare the causes of obesity to the complex and poorly understood mechanism of addiction? Gee, that’s mighty “white” of ya.

I’d love to be compared to a lifetime smoker. The government would give me a tax break for going to Weight Watchers or another weight reduction program, strangers on the street would give me support in my efforts to exercise and lose weight instead of yelling things like “cow” out the window as they drove past. There would be programs in school to specifically address the causes of obesity and educate young people as to its dangers . . .

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

All things being equal, if a woman is healthy at 140 pounds, she probably won’t be healthy at 115. Ammenorrhea, osteoporosis, depressed immune system . . . these are all consequences of being underweight that spring to my mind.

You’re not. Who said you were? The problem comes if you decree that an overweight woman could never possibly be attractive to anyone.

So glad you could join us! Hi, my name’s phouka. All lot of other women and I were discussing who much we wish society in general and some individuals specifically would stop using someone’s weight as the butt of their jokes.

47

Growing up,I always found that the nicest females to be friends with with the ones considered overweight. They had been ostracized for their looks,as I had,and they developed compassion.Amen.

48

Hmmmm! Fascinating. Hey BIG ‘BOLD’ and BELLIGERENT people, did I swear at any of you? Did I single any of you out and make sarcastic or denigrating comments concerning your size, attitude or opinion?

'Kay. Rikki Lake: I did not finish watching the episode. It was more than my stomach could take.

Tight spandex pants: Rubbing thighs? Man! I could make scores of comments about that but I won’t. Of course a light skit worn over these modern versions of body paint just might make the large wearer a touch more attractive. Down here in Florida, I’ve come across these BBW’s at about 3 to 350 pounds - most of it packed into the area from the lower buttocks and up - wearing spandex pants and a loose, floppy shirt that barely covers their stern parts. Hey! Being heavy doesn’t mean loss of taste when it comes to clothing. (Should I mention flip-flops on flat, wide, pudgy feet?)

Insensitive? Hmmm. Probably but then, this is ONLY my opinion.

I will note here that, after the acceptance of that moronic Dr. Spock’s book – the one which started the current no hit child rearing craze – which started the children’s rights movement – which gave kids the understanding that they could throw any adult into jail who touched them (non-sexually) – which indirectly brought about the termination of mandatory physical education in some schools – which went along with parents no longer encouraging kids to play outside - I observed the increase of young, overweight children all over the place.

When I was a kid, spotting another kid with a ‘beer belly’ flabbing away on his 10 or 11 year old body was rare. Not any more. Even doctors I know have commented on the increase of weight in kids.

I don’t think this is ALL genetic or psychiatric.

Plus, I have known several BBW who dressed well and looked good. (No short shorts or skin tight T-shirts strained all out of shape, no shoes with the bare heels hanging over the back and no sneakers with the heel crushed down to make a ‘loafer’ effect.)

Now, cretins, observe that I did not swear at, to or about anyone. I did not specifically single anyone out for sarcastic and direct comments. I did not single out any specific race nor creed nor nationality.

By the way, there was a difference, when I was a kid, between the hefty kids I met then and the flabby ones I see all too often now. I knew fat 10 or 11 year olds and they were big all over. NONE had ‘beer bellies’ like I see today.

I will observe here that many of the large females of the previously described type - those discussed in less than complimentary tones - all seem to have one thing in common, aside from bad taste: they have a real good command of obscene language and rarely hesitate to use it

Mark
“Think of it as Evolution in action.”

49

::stands up::
Hi, I’m dingle, I’m 5’2" and I weigh 175 lbs.

Mark and Omniscient:

I had planned to start off by calling you fucking assholes who disgust the hell out of me, but I won’t. And it would be pointless to reiterate everything stated by the BBWs who have posted in response to your ignorant “opinions”. (Yeah! What THEY said!!)

Anyway, the reason I put “opinion” in quotes is because it is men like you who are told by the media who to find attractive. When Marilyn Monroe was worshipped, size 14 women were “in style”. Now the media has deemed Ally McBoneys to be the ones worthy of your worship. You men can’t think for yourselves! How sad that is. Evertime the body style changes, men, in general are told what is supposed to be attractive. And they believe it!

Luckily, I found a real man, who can think for himself and loves me and finds me very sexy and appealing! He doesn’t let the media to brainwash him into having your twisted opinion. Physical attractiveness is not all it’s cracked up to be. If you base a relationship on that or if your wife “lets herself go”, so you cheat or divorce her, then you never loved her to begin with, you only loved her body and maybe the personality was just a nice bonus. It should be the other way around.

Did I mention you guys disgust me?!? (This is the Pit. I can get away with that!)

I wanna give a shout out to all of the intelligent, beautiful, pleasantly plump, sexy women who have contributed to this thread. You made my day! Love ya lots!

50

Mark, I just read your last post and you get more and more obnoxious each time. I don’t normally swear. It’s not just heavy people that swear. When you piss anyone off, fat or thin, expect some strong language. So if we’re fat, we’re not allowed to swear, too? I guess that’s not attractive on us, either. You must be right, since you’re the expert on what we should do, say and wear.

51

The “fat bashers” in this thread need to lighten up. This has gone way beyond “poking fun” and “making jokes.” What you consider funny is painful to people you’re supposedly joking with. The fact that you don’t like what a person wears in public is just too fuckin’ bad. The whole country has gone entirely to casual as far as I’m concerned. I saw a woman in bedroom slippers at a restaurant the other day. PEOPLE DRESS FOR COMFORT. It’s not just heavy people. Shorts at funerals, barely there t-shirts at the grocery store. Why should the heavy folk dress differently than anyone else? Christ! If you dis one, dis 'em all! The only place I see the general public dressed appropriately is at work, and it’s a crap-shoot there, too.

52

Anybody else find this the scariest and most offensive paragraph in this thread?

Leslie Irish Evans
http://leslie.scrappy.net

53

Yeah, that’s the spirit…beat the fat outa them! Pretty creepy.

54

ok, here is what I have to say to some of the hateful persons who have posted here…

Kiss the fat part of my ass, and pack a lunch, it will take you a while !
Ayesha

We will get along fine, as soon as you people learn to worship me in the proper manner !

55

Okay…time to weigh in, as it were.

First, the pertinent information:
I’m 5’7, and I weigh 270 pounds. I’m anywhere from a size 16 to 22, depending on the day, the cut of the clothes, etc.

Now, moving on…Mark, shut the fuck up. Yes, you are allowed to have your opinion. However, don’t you DARE tell me how to dress. Live for one day carrying around the equivalent of two people, then tell me what you want to wear. Opal is right…you go for comfort, dammit. Thank GOD I work in a casual office, where I don’t have to wear a suit every day. And as for this comment:

Oh please, go ahead. I’d love to see what your ignorant mind comes up with. News flash for you, Sparky. AT MY GOAL WEIGHT, my thighs rubbed together. It’s how my body is made up. And no, it’s NOT comfortable! You think I enjoy this? You think I like having to replace my lightweight pants because I wore through the thighs and I can’t patch them any more? Leggings are the only thing that won’t wear through!

As for the whole jokes thing…no, I don’t mind jokes. Ignoring me totally because I am overweight is another issue. I’m with phouka - I wish this was treated like smoking! The only support I get is from my online friends, who have never seen me. You know how much that hurts? The only people who love me are the people who have never seen me! All I get from everyone else is dirty looks and snide comments.

Sorry…didn’t mean to get so personal. ::slinking back into lurker’s corner::

56

One last thing though…Mark, I swore when I was thin, and I swear now that I’m fat. One has nothing to do with the other. Except for possibly now having more opportunities to swear at shitheads like you.

57

OpalCat wrote:

raised eyebrows
Care to elaborate on that last part? :smiley:

58

Oh. My. Gosh.

You poor delicate creatures you. You have to gasp! look at fat people. Avert your eyes. The sight of fat people may burn your retinas. You poor, poor things. My suggestion is that you not leave the comfort of your home. Too many scary things out there - like fat people! You are much better off never leaving the house.

And you assume that the sight of you is such a delightful sight? Yeah. Right.

Most of us here did not bash skinny women specifically. I, for one, feel sympathy for slender women who wish they had a bit more “meat on their bones”. They may not get the same amount of venom and abuse as fat women, but they get crap too - and it sucks. Women are all in the same boat - we get a huge amount of CRAP for our appearances. Do men get this? Not as much. Not even close. They seem to be the ones dishing out the crap, actually. You guys are two prime examples. Hey - you might not be yelling “Fat chick!” to us, but your intolerance and ignorance are unvieled.

How many women lean out car windows to hoot and holler at a fat man passing by on the street? How many women have “No Fat Guys” bumper stickers on their cars? Or “Save a Whale - Harpoon a Fat Guy” bumper sticker? These are all things that MEN do. I remember dreading walking down the street when I was younger (and I hasten to add, I wasn’t that fat, and I wore loose, baggy clothing.) I would get yelled at and insulted by strangers on the street. I was minding my own frickin’ business, but oh my gosh – I was DARING to be in public while FAT. (What was I thinking? Didn’t I know better?) The mere sight of me assaulted the sight of some men (the same type of men who have “No Fat Chicks” and “Save a Whale - Harpoon a Fat Chick” bumper stickers) so they felt entitled to yell at me from the street. What kind of person does this? Obviously a lot of people do this - scary.

Women can be catty too, but men are the worst. They really feel that they are entitled to “pass judgment” on me, and other fat chicks, because we don’t meet their “standards”. What arrogant bastards.

Not all men are like this - some men have varied standards. I know men who have had Big Fabulous Babes in their family, they know the struggles they go through, and are all compassion. My father had two sisters who struggled with their weight. He married my mom when she was thin. When she later gained weight - he didn’t like it, but he still LOVED her - the idea of DIVORCING her I’m sure never entered her mind. He saw how she struggled, and he knew it wasn’t a matter of her just not giving a damn - she struggled. And, no matter what size she was, she was always pretty. So my dad always loved her, no matter what size she was. But - gosh - he was from a different generation. A generation where men were honorable. Too bad those days seem to be in the past.

Well, I could go on, but that’s all the rant I have in me right now.

59

Ok Falcon, but how do you REALLY feel about
him ? Don’t be shy, tell us.

BTW, your post was great.

Ayesha - Lioness

You sound reasonable. Must be time to up my medication.

60

Falcon wrote:

You mean you want “no fatties” sections in restaurants? Gawd, I hope not.

(I got your meaning, though. I just couldn’t resist taking the analogy and running with it. :wink: )