One of the shortest standup jokes I know, from Emo Phillips:
“I’m a great lover, I bet.”
Slightly longer, from Steven Wright:
“You can’t have everything; where would you put it?”
Shit, I forgot about that. Funny thing is I thought several times, “Hey, that’s longer than 10 words!” and then cheated myself. :smack:
Edit: Gang rape joke is hilarious!
Edit x2: Divide a pumpkin’s circumference by its diameter: pumpkin pi! There, I did it without cheating.
“Sorry for the convienence.”
Man, Jimmy Carr is brutal and very very funny.
2x10
“Did a helicopter and rhinoceros mate?”
“Hell if I know.”
(insert so many joke questions here)
“Fuck if I know.”
Name of man laying at your door?
Matt.
Name of man hanging on wall?
Art.
Name of woman with one leg?
Eileen.
Name of Japanese woman with one leg?
Irene.
Shovel through his head?
D(o)ug
I was superstitious until I learned it was bad luck.
Lots of good “bumper sticker” humor here… I’ll add a few…
Give me immortality or give me death!
Imagine if there were no hypothetical situations.
I heard a variation:
What do you call a half-elephant, half-rhinoceros?
Elephino.
“Women, can’t live with them, pour me a beer”
Norm on Cheers.
Q. What’s the ultimate Jewish dilemma?
A. Pork on sale.
I’m going to have to tell this one to everyone at my shul.
I have one that’s in POOR taste. I will post with the OP’s permission…
You should have halibut tonight. Why? Just for the halibut.
I said nothing regarding taste, so that is entirely your call! (My original one wasn’t in the best of taste either.)
In what language?:dubious:
I said it was pronounced like it, not exactly like it. Many puns are not exact homophones.
Oh, come on, it’s not *that *far off, when you think about it…
Okay, here’s another one:
“The Detroit Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.”
-- Emo Phillips
Heh. Always loved that.
Roses are red.
So is bacon.
Poetry is hard.
Bacon.