A harp is a naked piano.
“More cookies, teddy bear?”
“No thanks, I’m stuffed”
Ever heard the “three wells” joke? No? Well, well, well…
This may be my new favorite joke.
not really a funny joke submission, but for you esoteric dopes, there is this historical one-word joke:
Good one! I think of that whenever I hear “Sind region” (formerly province) of Pakistan mentioned in the news.
Oh, those Eton-educated imperialist cutups…
Similarly:
FOR SALE: Parachute. Used once, never opened. Small stain.
“Looks like you’ve blown a seal!” – “No, that’s ice cream!”
Tom Swifties work a treat, of course:
“Cocaine? You’ve got more money than sense!” Tom snorted.
“Looks like that came from an alchemist’s laboratory!” Tom retorted.
“I skinned my shin climbing that damn tree!” Tom barked.
“Feels like I’m stuffed with bitter herbs,” Tom said ruefully.
“This place is a regular hobbit-hole,” Tom smiled.
And just for a slight change of pace:
My teacher said "Recursion is like saying ‘My teacher said…’ "
“I don’t get this one,” Colophon said pointlessly.
“It’s not as obvious as it once was,” Malacandra explained.
Two nuns in a bathtub. “Where’s the soap?” “Sure does!”
Read a book about helium.
Good?
Couldn’t put it down.
mmm
Huh. And here I thought a hobbit-hole was a euphemism for where to cram a Bilbo.
“What do you call a blind deer?” “No idea.”
“What about if it is paralyzed?” “Still no idea.”
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
I haven’t slept for weeks… that would be too long.
A baby seal walks into a club… honest
What do you do when radiographers die? Barium
Egg McMuffin walks into bar. Bartender: “We don’t serve breakfast.”
“My wife’s gone to the Caribbean.” “Jamaica?” “No, she volunteered.”
Once there were three waterholes… well, well, well!
What would you use a nasal condom for? Fuck knows.
Cross a sheep with a kangaroo… get a woolly jumper.
“What do English billiards players call english?” Tom sighed.
What did the snail say while riding the turtle?
YEEEE-HAAA!
(Just made it in with 10 words on the nose!)
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
That’s it. Thw whole joke… Think man, Think!