Jokes: 10 words or shorter

[denquixote]

Play review (Dorothy Parker on I Am A Camera): No Leica

[dnooman]

Title of a black guy flying a plane?
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Pilot .

… racist.

[Annie-Xmas]

@annie-xmas

what blows and sucks at the same time?

@picunurse

unless the answer is 2 words or less, it’s disqualified. What’s the answer?

blow job!!

[Ludovic]

An ICP fan was just stabbed in the juggalo vein.

[Malacandra]

@I_Love_Me_Vol.I

I give you: A Limerick (by the world’s laziest limerick writer)
There once was a man from Nantucket
…ahhhh, fuck it

Ha! I’ve got you all beat! Not only a joke in 10 words or less, but a limerick in 10 words or less. You won’t find too many of those!

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

Ah, you’re right, it’s harder than it looks. Try again:

There was an old maid from Saigon

[Beware_of_Doug]

My dick is so big, we’re standing on it.
My dick is so big, I can’t carry it on.
My dick is so big, it has its own dick.
My dick is so big, it has two time zones.
My dick is so big, my urologist is a Sherpa.
My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
My dick is so big, I’m not zoned for it.
My dick is so big, it creates its own gravity.

[3trew]

What’s red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@Malacandra

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

Ah, you’re right, it’s harder than it looks. Try again:

There was an old maid from Saigon

Then there’s the one about Emperor Nero…

[Malacandra]

Booster cables walk into bar; warned not to start anything.

“It’s only hardened skin,” Tom said callously.
“These short notes are difficult!” Tom quavered.
“I finally shut that pig up!” Tom said, disgruntled.
“Leylandii, cut to shape, make a good fence,” Tom hedged.
“Erato, Calliope, Melpomene - who are the other six?” Tom mused.

[Autolycus]

@cjepson

And this one was a family favorite when my daughter was small:

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting cow.”
“Interrupting cow wh–”
“MOO!”

Ah yes, a beloved favorite. The interrupting starfish edges it out a bit for laughs, but alas it is impossible to demonstrate in text.

[enomaj]

Shirley Temple walks into a bar.
“We don’t serve Blacks.”

[Sunspace]

@Malacandra

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

Ah, you’re right, it’s harder than it looks. Try again:

There was an old maid from Saigon

I know those two as:
There was a young man from The Soo
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There was an old maid from Verdun.

(must remember to mention Emperor Nero afterwards)

[listedmia]

“Whatcha call a reptile that stays up all night?
Nocturtle.”

Got that one published on the comics page when I was a young’n.

[Malacandra]

f(x) enters bar, is told “We don’t cater for functions”.

[WordMan]

@ianzin

“Conscience”: Astrology.

Conjugation suck.

I only like puddings that are white. I’m ricist.

“Hoist”: a device for lifting things that are quite damp.

‘Jugular’: a major blood vessel found in street performers.

“Awning”: yawning for no reason.

“Optimist”: just the right amount of fog.

“Carbon”: to abandon one’s slimming programme.

“PUN”: Almost fun.

I don’t eat dates. I’m cutting down on diary products.

Human evolution, very briefly. Start: Biped. End: Buy iPad.

“Harmony”: What comedians earn.

“Shame”: Similar to Sean Connery.

“Jargon”: Improvement made during re-edit of ‘The Phantom Menace’.

“Succulent”: slang expression of contempt towards Lent.

“Larva”: Immature volcano.

“Guest”: a visitor whose name you were unsure of.

Sometimes I can find erogenous zones. Sometimes not. It’s eratic.

“Defer”: To put off gradual hearing loss.

“Denizen”: Small room used for Buddhist meditation.

Apparently, writing ‘tReAsOn’ like that is a capital offense.

What’s unspecified, fragrant and Italian? Aroma n.

I like well-written jokes with a surprise en ding!

People with toothache, they’ve got a nerve.

(All my own work, I thank you.)

And good work, indeed - some of these are hilarious. And I find

Human evolution, very briefly. Start: Biped. End: Buy iPad

a bit more profound than I am comfortable with

And why do I hear this in the voice of Homer Simpson?

[QUOTE=Ethilrist]
Roses are red.
So is bacon.
Poetry is hard.
Bacon.

[/QUOTE]

I love it.

[Jake]

“Farts smell so deaf people can appreciate them too”!
“He who has the most birthdays lives the longest”.

[AaronX]

Inspecting mirrors is a job I could see myself doing.

[Khristy]

What food do lesbians cook?
They dont, they eat out!

[Uosdwis_R.Dewoh]

I knew a man named Glasscock. Always saw him coming.

How many potatoes to kill an Irishman?

Zero.

[CookingWithGas]

@Malacandra

“My wife’s gone to the Caribbean.” “Jamaica?” “No, she volunteered.”

That joke was the inspiration for the title for the Led Zeppelin song D’yer Mak’er.