I’m an Advice Columnist, not an accountant.
:rolleyes:
Dear Squicked,
You live in the fast lane.
Regards,
CP
Dear CP,
What the heck does that mean? I really need your advice! Why did I skip the MMP yesterday? It makes no sense!
Sincerely,
$2.99
In light of the fact the ad has been in at least 3 threads here, I have to ask:
“You skipped your Plant?”
Dear Afraid,
I Nice Jewish Girl like Rosie would only smear mayonnaise on her guests that was certified to be Kosher, (K) free of anything Jewish folks are not allowed to eat.
However, mayonnaise is made from egg whites, which are used to grow various bacterial cultures for the pharmaceutical industry.
Refrigerate yourself after opening.
Regards,
CP
Happy Toosday!
It’s 14 degrees above freezing, grey and dreary outside.
As I look outside I see that the neighbor cuts his grass on the diagonal and the neighbor with all the cars just added a taxi cab to the mix.
Dear $2.99,
I strongly suggest that you speak with your Clergyman, Physician or Accountant as soon as possible.
Regards,
CP
That didn’t even blip a squick; this on the other hand…
Mooommm expects a minimum amount of TP on hand; however, Swampy requires a maximum amount of brain bleach at all times!
(OTOH, he is a bear after all ;))
Dear CP
Blurf
signed
Blury Blurfington
I am enough April Sunshine for every body 
Today is one of those days I just want to watch the world burn.
I strongly suggest that you speak with your Clergyman, Physician or Accountant as soon as possible.
I have matches, lotsa matches
Missed Monday cuz I was lurking and in pain, had a bicycle incident and now I have a giant bruise around my right kidney. So…
Dear CP,
Why did I do that to myself?
Regards,
Jim the Destroyer of himself
Nope - **swampy **is the one with the TP obsession. I do ensure that I always have an adequate supply on hand, but unlike some Mumpers, I consider toilet matters to be private and not fit to be shared in polite company. OK, yeah, this is the MMP and we don’t necessarily require polite, but someone has to class the place up! 
Woohoo! It’s back up to 46°!!! :rolleyes:
Dear Jim,
I strongly suggest that you speak with your Clergyman, Physician or Attorney as soon as possible.
Regards,
CP
Dear CP,
I am thinking of driving 12 hours round trip on Thursday to hear a friend sing in Philadelphia who I will also be hearing again when she will be singing only one hour away. How crazy is this idea?
Sincerely,
Lincoln Highway Groupie
Dear CP,
When I link the Electro-Magneto-Positron to the Eclectically Recycling Decalibrator, it hums “Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair”, but in the wrong key. How can I modulate it to the key of D#?
Urgently,
Prof. Pepperwinkle
Dear Prof.,
Adjust the resonant frequency of the Zilch coil to 311.127 Hz.
Regards,
CP
Dear Lincoln,
Isn’t there a Jazz club within walking distance?
Musically yours,
CP
To whom it may concern,
What is that hot glowing thing up in the sky, and what has it done wth the clouds?
Yours confusedly,
Nuts
I went shopping for fisheses today- the purty wrigglng kind, not the dinner kind. Hopefully, my tank should actually look half decent soon!