Thanks again. I got some new joke books for Christmas. 
And… you all know about this other thread of DorkVader’s, right?
I’m dense and tired today. Explain please??
There was someone in the closet. Assumedly, the wife’s lover.
Sou desu ka, arigato.
Sounds to me like that should be in the Nerdy, Geeky Jokes thread !
I can’t see why Jesus would have a problem with Trans people…
After all, He identifies as Bread.
A husband and wife wake up one morning, and when the man leans over to kiss his wife, she yells in his face: “Don’t touch me! I’m dead.”
“What are you talking about?” the husband asks. “We’re both lying in bed. You can’t be dead.”
“I must be dead,” the wife responds, “because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"
A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.
Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
“Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”
He’s trans substantiated.
[applause]
Here’s one I came up with today (though I doubt it’s original to me):
What do you call a lace cloth that only works for 8 hours?
Doily Parton
Or perhaps trans acting or trans parent?
Similar old joke about U2: at a concert, Bono stopped the music, hushed the crowd, and then began clapping, once every two seconds.
CLAP.
CLAP.
CLAP.
“Every time I clap,” he said,
CLAP
“A child dies of poverty in Africa.”
CLAP
CLAP
Someone in the audience yelled, “Stop clapping, asshole!”
Bob Hope goes to see a plastic surgeon and says “Hey, I need your help for a gag in my new show. Can you attach some false teeth to my chest?”
“Of course,” the surgeon replies, “Fangs for the mammaries”.
My son asked me, “Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?”
I smiled and said, “Sure…"
"But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.”
What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?
I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.
For sale: George Foreman grill set and Mohammad Ali DVDs.
Both boxed.
Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country
They want to Make America Grate Again.
What do you call hookers in the winter?
Frostitutes
My friend is a Magician & a Chef.
The food is TA! DA! for.
I can swallow two pieces of string and several hours later they will come out tied together.
I shit you knot.
Love it!
Flat tire paw on sled team.
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit in the back seat of my car so…
I had to pop the trunk.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body ?
Nobody knows.
Shouldn’t that be a person with a face that is mostly Nose and no body.