Are you sure the clockwise / counter-clockwise merry-go-round difference is not between North America / Europe and Australia? 
(Yes, I know the widespread belief that toilets and sinks drain with an opposite rotation in Australia due to the Coriolis effect is a myth)
Well, what are you taking for it?
Ground pepper!
Jews get really angry, but Christians only get a little cross.
The retail price of the Beast.
Yes.
This is Ollie Miller. My wife, Lena, has passed away.
I’m very sorry to hear that. Give me your address and I’ll have her body picked up.
2011 Eucalyptus Drive.
Can you spell that?
Uhhh… how about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?
Husband: Oh, my. Did he get anything?
Wife: Yes, but only because I thought he was you.
If he lived in New Orleans, his address could be on Tchoupitoulas Street.
What is 668?
The Neighbour of The Beast.
(In some areas, 667 would work better, apparently - IDNKT!)
So 666i is the number of the imaginary Beast? Or the imaginary number of the Beast?
999 upside down beast.
He turns wine into water.
Like there’s no tomorrow.
I identify as a comedian.
Makes it easier to slide it right into the trash.
I’m ambi-dextrose.
I turn wine into water. Does that make me the Antichrist?
Remind me never to accept a drink of water from solost.
Hey, I didn’t say I turned wine into potable water.
Some people will use any Port in a stream.
The question was a simple one: “There is a scorpion in your tent. What do you do?”
Army: “I would crush it with my boot and throw it outside.”
Navy: “I would pick it up by the tail and throw it outside.”
Marines: “I’d bite its head off before cooking and eating it.”
Air Force: “I’d call down to the front desk and ask why there’s a tent in my hotel room.”
“Bring me a beer and I’ll tell you.”
“But mummy says you shouldn’t drink!”
“Get a nice ice cream as well while you bring me beer.”
“Oh, okay!”
The wife answered, "No, of course not! I’m going to go live with my sister. What about you, are you getting married again when I’m gone? "
He replied, “No, same as you. I’m going to go live with your sister.”
I said, “How can you even say that?”
A bark-analia.
That’s one of those words you had to know when you were a kid. It made playing Hangman easy once you caught on.
They have the Krewe of Barkus parade in New Orleans at Mardi Gras.
Wrong: Still 666 but now the new improved BEAST
An even more amazing deal! If you act right now and are within the first (12 million) 10 callers; we will include, for no extra charge, a second Beast*.
*ᴶᵘˢᵗ ᵖᵃʸ ˢᵗᵃⁿᵈᵃʳᵈ ˢʰᶦᵖᵖᶦⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵃⁿᵈˡᶦⁿᵍ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉˢ, ˢᵘʳʳᵉⁿᵈᵉʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿᵃˡ ᶦⁿᶠᵒʳᵐᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵈᵒᵍᵍᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵈʷᶦⁿᵈˡᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦᶠᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵒᶠᶠᵉʳˢ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ.
They’ve left no tern unstoned…
I got to see it, and I must admit, it was pretty dope.
I mean, the definition of arthritis is “inflammation of the joints”.
…you have less weed.
He’ll be…rolling in his grave.
Reminds me of a joke some comedian did back when only medicinal cannabis was available in his state of California. “The doctor asked me what medical condition I had that could be alleviated by cannabis. I said it was to relieve the acute anxiety I get…
…when I run out of weed”.
My daughter pointed out this isn’t just 420 day. Its 4202024, which is a palindrome!