More Jokes

Let’s not post misogynistic jokes, please. (Nor racist…)


Probably best to avoid jokes about race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, sexual orientation, or gender identity), national origin, age (40 or older), disability and genetic information (including family medical history).

A joke that is better live:

How can you tell the beginning of an off-color joke?
(Joke teller checks behind to the left)
(Joke teller checks behind to the right)

Q: What is a polar bear ?

A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

I LOLed. :laughing:

What’s worse than that? Finding a live one in the pile.

This one is for my Catholic friends:

There was a Lutheran named Alice,
Who pissed into the Catholic chalice.

‘I do this,’ said she,
'Of great need to pee

And not sectarian malice.’

I have to wonder why, if racist and misogynistic jokes are verboten, dead baby jokes are ok? They certainly are equally offensive.

Clearly, @puzzlegal was joking.

And epileptic/paraplegic/quadriplegic/amputee jokes. Pirates, too. ‘Arrrrlene.’ And I see at least one misandrist joke here.

Anyway, two human beings who have different beliefs and cultural backgrounds, and a small anthropomorphic mammal, walk into an establishment known for selling a certain product… The anthropomorphic mammal says, ‘No, I’m not in the wrong joke, person who was born in a time period after a world war.’

The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’

The guy replies, ‘I’m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.’

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the priest’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.’

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

‘Just a minute,’ says the good father. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?’

‘Up here, we go by results,’ says Saint Peter. ‘When you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.’

How many Grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb?


Obviously a light pendant

A monk named Canyas came up with a whole new way of thinking about how to solicit donations. It’s now called the “Brother Canyas Paradigm

Q. How do you console a troubled grammatician?

A. “There, their, they’re”.

A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.

Our three cats did the rest.

If my brother was on Death Row his last meal would be

“I don’t know. What do you feel like?”

If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor…

…Then Who is.

Less chance of a dead baby being offended?

An alien from another planet lands on earth. He’s friendly, and wants to learn more about our spiritual side of life, so he asks to meet with the pope.

The Pope says, “let me tell you about our Lord Jesus Christ.”
And the alien answers immediately: “What—Jesus came to earth? that’s amazing… He came to our planet too… And just recently he came back.”

The Pope says, "wow–Jesus returned!!! How did you react?
The alien answers: " It was really wonderful. We greeted him with hugs, fancy celebrations, feasts with great food , a really happy occasion. Just like the first time he came to us.
So how did you earthlings treat him?

An alien lands at a gas station late at night. He walks up to a pump with nozzles on each end and says, “Take me to your leader.” Naturally he gets no reply, so he repeats a little louder, “Take me to your leader.” Then the alien says, “You could hear me better if you took your fingers out of your ears.”

Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?


Warrior: I swear I will have my revenge for the death of my brother!

Elf: You have my bow.

Dwarf: And my axe.

Necromancer: And your brother.

The IRS is disbanding!

I just received a letter from them titled “Final Notice”.