Lol!
My son decided to wear a red MAGA hat for a week and record the reactions from other people, for a college sociological experiment.
So far, he’s been repeatedly cursed at, and told in no uncertain terms what a stupid, gullible moron he is, dozens of times.
I’m curious about what will happen when he finally works up the courage to leave the house wearing it.
If ever there was a “username checks out” moment …
Heh. I have a Diamondback ball cap in their current Colorado red. I don’t wear it, even to games, preferring the older black cap I have.
From the Polls Only thread:
I like my men/women like I like my coffee:
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Sweet and stimulating
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Hot and all over my crotch when I’m driving
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Dark and bitter
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Several in a row, one right after the other
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Strong and essential to the workforce
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Bold and rich
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Irish
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Covered in bees!
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I’ve never had coffee but it smells nice
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From a third-world country
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Gone by 9am
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In excess until I’m trembling
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Waking me up and giving me shit all day
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Always getting my name wrong
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On a CostCo pallet
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Totally satisfying for less than five bucks
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Cold and unpleasant
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Ground up and in the freezer
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In a plastic cup
Bottomless.
Instead of water, I put Red Bull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home honey, please put the coffee maker on.”
After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?” She replied, “Yeah…”
“But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!”
What kind of coffee did Italians most enjoy during the 1940s?
Oppresso.
Why are stepfathers always an embarrassment?
They’re a faux pa.
Mom asks, “Are you going to take me out to a restaurant for Mother’s Day?”
Kid replies, “We have food at home.”
1-877-Kars for Kids
Think they’d give me a late model Toyota for a well behaved 10-year-old?
What if he’s a bedwetter?
Chose your wife carefully.
Can someone explain this one to me?
I can’t see that one without a login.
The joke is:
“I’m trying to save up $10,000 so I can finally hit a construction worker”
Presumably he lives in a jurisdiction where there’s a $10,000 fine for hitting a construction worker? And where there are signs to that effect in every construction zone? And in his specific location those signs are so prevalent that he just takes them for granted, and takes it for granted that everyone else takes them for granted?
No msg.
An acolyte is driving her Mother Superior somewhere in the convent station wagon. They come to a red light and stop then a few seconds later – whap! – a small demon lands on the windshield. It proceeds to leer at them while growling and making suggestive pelvic thrusts..
“Mother! Mother! There’s a demon on the car! What do I do?”
“Turn on the windshield wipers! That’ll knock it off.”
The wipers go back and forth buffeting the demon but are failing to knock its grip loose. “It’s not working!”
“Um… Oh! I filled the washer tank with holy water. Try spraying it.”
The streams hit the demon’s back making it smoke and causing obvious discomfort but still no dislodgement.
“That’s not working either! What next?”
“Show it your cross!”
The acolyte rolls the window down and sticks her head out. “Hey, demon! Get off the fucking car!”
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. They don’t have them here thus my confusion.
Ditto. The threat here is Fines Double but even knowing the background, it’s at most a momentary amusement. If it’s truly the best thing he’s ever written I predict a short career in stand-up. George Carlin could do better in his sleep.
Things you never hear: “Hand me that piano.”
Little known fact: Billy Joel’s song “Piano Man”
Is about a man who was bitten by a radioactive piano.
My kids are the sunshine of my life:
Over-exposition invariably leads to a burn out.
I’m applying for a job writing clues for Wordle.
They are asking for five letters of reference.
Recent studies have shown that 67% of women have used vibrators.
The other 33% have brand new ones.
Husband, leaving kitchen: “Darling, why is my whiskey bottle half full?”
Wife, slurring her words on the couch: “Because you’re an optimist.”
Reminds me of a Gracie Allen joke that included a zoo sign that said:
Do Not Feed The Elephants Peanuts
$10 Fine