There are two things we’re sure of: death and taxes.
Now, if only we could get them in that order.
Two old guys wonder if there’s baseball in heaven,
and promise each other that the first to die will somehow let the other one know. A week later, one of them dies. And a week after that, his friend recognizes his voice coming down from the clouds.
“Joe, I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” the disembodied voice reports. “The
good news is that there is a baseball team in heaven. The bad news is that you’re pitching on Friday."
Superman goes to a bar on Halloween. One guy is dresses as Bitcoin, another dressed as Ethereum, another dressed as Cardano, and another guy dressed as Dogecoin. Superman started getting sick and had to leave. He didn’t know that it was Crypto Night.
Reminds me of one. A traveling businessman is visiting Chicago, having a drink in the bar on top of the Hancock building. A guy at the bar next to him strikes up a conversation. “This your first time in Chicago? You know why it’s called the Windy City? The wind blows off Lake Michigan and is channeled between the tall buildings in such a way that you could actually jump off the balcony here, and the wind will blow you right back safely onto the balcony again.”
The businessman says no way, impossible. So the man says “here, I’ll prove it”. He takes a running leap off the balcony. The businessman watches him start to fall, then slow down and loop back up, finishing in a graceful touchdown back on the balcony. The businessman says that’s amazing! His new friend says, give it a try, it works every time!
So the businessman jumps, and plummets to his death.
The bartender looks at the guy and says “y’know, you’re a real dick when you’ve been drinking, Superman”.
This fellow hasn’t taken a vacation in years, so he treats himself to a lavish one. Mid-way through, he’s feeling great, seen the sights, eaten the food. He calls home to check up on things, talking to his slightly dim brother.
“So what’s new?”
“Your cat died.”
“Cripes! You could soften the blow a little!”
“Whatd’ya mean?”
“Well, you could say, ‘The cat crawled out onto the roof and wouldn’t come down. We had to call the fire department to rescue it, but the cat ran up the nearest tree and when the fireman finally got the ladder re-positioned and got the cat in his hands, it wriggled out of his grip and dropped fifty feet to the pavement. So, we took it to the vet, but it was too late and now Kitty has gone to the Rainbow Bridge.’ You see? Ease into it.”
“OK, gotcha.”
“So, how’s Mom?”
“Well, Mom crawled out onto the roof and wouldn’t come down… .”
I really miss my uncle. He died recently from an accident-- he lost too much blood and the hospital couldn’t figure out his blood type in time. He was just so optimistic and upbeat-- in fact, his very last words were “be positive”.
It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage. The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.
Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin…
“I have two questions”
“Why did Russia take Crimea?”
“And why are we sending troops to Ukraine?”
Putin responds “Good questions” but before he can say anything else the bell goes and the kids go for lunch.
When they come back to the classroom, there is room for more questions.
