You know what I meant. But yeah, that was a real Mencia moment.
If I was going to do it over again, I wouldn’t have drunk more than the glass of champagne at midnight or allowed anyone to buy me drinks, first off. I’d also have told one of the bartenders about the man harassing me, if I could have gotten the attention of one. And I also wouldn’t have gone out with that particular friend, since she’s shown herself to be pretty unreliable and unsympathetic to situations like that. Also, after a lot of thought, I feel like maybe calling the police wouldn’t have been such a bad idea after all.
I don’t think responding with violence would have been a good idea except as a very last resort. A man willing to shove his hand up my shirt is also probably not going to have many qualms about hitting me back. I’m very grateful to the guy who helped me out that he didn’t escalate things by picking a fight with the creep.
Frankly, I think the police should have been called immediately. This is flat out sexual assault.
It doesn’t have to be a “rape” (by definition) to be assault. And i would imagine being slapped with a sexual assault charge (and ultimately being listed on a sex offender list) will make that guy think hard and long about his drunken actions… hopefully to the point of him obtaining help both with his drinking AND his views on women and approprate/inappropriate boundaries.
You let it slide… that’s fine, but if this happens again you need to pull NO punches.
And that goes for anyone here. There’s no reason why you ladies have to put up with this bullshit.
Cool. Sounds like you’ve learned some things from this unfortunate event that you will be able to apply in the future. As ugly as it was to have this happen, you can always be thankful that it wasn’t worse - as it easily could have been. And I think sometimes it is ugly and unfortunate events that have the most likelihood of forcing us to learn and grow.
Hope the rest of your year is sufficiently awesome as to make its unpleasant beginning recede into your memory.
I agree, but his refusal to back down is worrying.
Not to be unduly critical, but wanted to point out the bolded portion.
IMO when someone transgresses the rules of civil society as significantly as you described, then you have every right to be as assertive as need be, and your concerns certainly take precedence over someone else’s drink orders.
Sorry if that seems like an overly critical nitpick. Just trying to help you clearly see all of your options and personal capability.
A swat to the face would be appropriate in that case. It’s possible the guy could hit you back, but the slap would attract enough attention that he probably wouldn’t. Of course, he would laugh about it later, most likely.
And as the recipient of same (many many moons ago), am I to understand that the time-honored drink-in-the-guy’s-face has gone out of favor?
Why would anyone do that to a perfectly good drink? Will no one think of the liquor?
Putting his hands inside your clothes is sexual battery. He gets his name on the sexual offenders database. Tell the next jerk exactly that.
Drunk, and naked, and really wanting to have sex bad, and you still are not necessarily asking that looser for it.
Tris
As a former bartender working some damned busy nights - PLEASE get our attention. Let me put this into crass business terms
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We LIKE having attractive women in our bar. They lead to more drinks bought. They are also nice to look at. They can be difficult to bring inside, which is why we have ladies’ nights, etc. They are a minority, and a bar with a reputation for having a higher percentage of attractive women dancing is a bar doing good business.
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Assholes, on the other hand, are cheap. they drink cheap beer, tip poorly, and we often would love an excuse to cut them off and throw them out.
Many of us will happily take a break to escort someone out of the pub. It also lets us be manly, in hopes that we will get the attractive female to glance BEHIND the bar when she is seeking targets as well.
I don’t care if you were topless or completely and utterly naked. Nobody has the legal right to touch you without your permission. Touching someone wihout their permission is legal battery; touching someone’s breasts and/or genitalia without their permission is legal sexual assault.
The rape statues were changed because penetration had to occur to charge anyone with rape. Anything else was considered assault and less serious.
Use one of those unsolicited drinks foisted on you by strangers. You know, the ones you’re not going to drink because you don’t know what is or isn’t in them.
I don’t think his name would go on the database unless she pursued it to the level that he got convicted for the crime. In reality, it would be her word against his and I seriously doubt they’d even arrest a guy over it unless there were several witnesses or she could somehow prove what happened. Seeing as how she was drinking and this was all going on in a crowded bar on NYE, I don’t think much would come of calling the police.
Caerie, I’m sorry that happened to you. It sucks that we have to be on the defense as a default position when out at bars and other crowded places. Its one reason that I don’t go out much anymore. Its too easy for random assholes to try and grab my ass as I’m standing there.
Timeliness Alert. A female friend of mine just got assaulted at a bar the other night. By the bouncer (he went for her crotch rather than her top). She called the cops. They did nothing. They didn’t even speak to the bouncer, just told her that he was allowed to use ‘force’ if she was being disruptive. She was not. Also, she’s just shy of five feet tall and he was easily 300 pounds. Yay justice.
ETA Sadly this was in a major city, not a hick town.
No reason other than a plentitude of assholes in the world.
Seriously - the older I get the less I want to go out in public because of shit like this. And I’m not even that frequent a victim. Apparently there really are a slice of men who view any woman as truly fair game and if we don’t play along with it/put up with it we’re bitches or worse. We’re supposed to LIKE getting pinched hard enough to leave bruises, having our most intimate anatomy not only touched but twisted and manipulated hard enough to make our eyes water, and oddly enough, these same men seem most likely to go ballistic if another man even LOOKS at their “property”.
Some days, makes me want to go on a killing spree, it does.
(Yes, I know the vast majority of men are not like that. Problem is, it only takes that one of ten, or one of twenty, or one of fifty to ruin a girl’s day)
If you can stomach the thought, maybe next time someone pulls that shit you should return the favor.
Reach down at his package, and grab as hard as you possible can. After all, wearing those pants? He was asking for it. Top it off by staring at him expressionlessly while he writhes around. That should send a clear message to whomever else might be watching.
Mace… and badge numbers. She should get a lawyer and find out what her rights are regarding such a blatant miscarriage of justice.
If he’s wearing trousers that will show it, throwing the drink at his crotch might be more fun, if it makes him appear to have peed his pants.
Unless the female patron in question was actually being drunk and unruly and had to be removed by force.
We only have Cat Fight’s version of events, which do not include whether or not Cat Fight was actually there, and which in any regard are only one side of the events. We have not heard from the bouncer or any other witness to the events.
Hard to call it a ‘blatant miscarriage of justice’ from this re-telling.