Pop tarts, breathe free tonight...

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

As a conisseiur of the two-dimentional toaster pastery I have drawn a few conclusions:

Award for the all-around Best Toaster Pastery:
This goes to Kelloggs frosted strawberry pop tarts with red colored sprinkly thingies. Nice mouthfeel, both toasted AND raw. The combination of the passive, smooth frosting with the gritty red violence of the colored sprinkle thingies reminds us that the universe is built with equal, but opposite forces. Toasted yin-yang hermony, best served with cold milk. Used to be six to a box, now an astounding eight (note: In small, Korean owned groceries you might have to dig farther back on the shelf for the eight-boxes, as they are deliberatly hidden behind the older six-boxes).

Second runner up: Kelloggs frosted blueberry, who will take the winners place should it fail to fulfill it’s duties.

Best Tart Packaging Structural Integrity award goes to:
Toastettes pasteries. These come in a classic cold-war style radiation proof solid lead foil, and feel like something designed by the Soviet military. Much meatier than the flimsy electro-static discharge preventing silver mylar thet Kelloggs pop tarts come in. Nice job!

Worst All-Around Toaster Pastery:
The sickening Kelloggs “Wild Berry” pop tart, with its Play-Dough Fun Factory color scheme frosting, and it’s disgusting two-toned mystery filling (note: the exact berry or combination of berries is suspiciously never revealed in the packaging or the ingredients).

The second runner up for worst is the Kelloggs “S’Mores” pop tarts. Many thanks to all who participated.

Final Note: The judges concluded that Pilsbury Toaster Strudel was inelegable for consideration. It simply looks too girly, and having to use a seperate pouch of liquid frosting is far to much like actually cooking.

Inkz

#2

Proof positive that people should not be left alone with a computer and a whole shitload of pastries.
On a personal note, I am a frosted strawberry man myself

I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book.- Seth Gecko From Dusk Till Dawn

#3

Proof positive that people should not be left alone with a computer and a whole shitload of pastries.
On a personal note, I am a frosted strawberry man myself

I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book.- Seth Gecko From Dusk Till Dawn

#4

Your points are well taken, Inky. However, I must submit the new Kelloggs Pastry Swirls, available in three flavors–Cheese Danish, Apple Cinammon, and, of course, our beloved Strawberry, which I am eating at the moment. IMHO, these are far superior to our run of the mill, “rectangular” pastries.

#5

An interesting bit of useless trivia…

Pop Tarts were invented at my alma matter, the Illinois Institute of Technology in the 1960s as part of a government contract to develop packaged foods for the space program.

“no comment.” -anonymous government man.

-Dorjan

#6

Pshaw! You don’t know from PopTarts. Brown Sugar & Cinnamon is where it is AT!

–
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

#7

What–nobody likes frosted cherry Pop Tarts around here? I think the three best are cherry, brown sugar/cinnamon, and blueberry.

And Toaster Strudels? Not only are they frozen, you have to put the icing on them, too. Doesn’t sound like a convenience food to me…

#8

The frosted chocolate Pop Tarts are the only choice for rational people. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

Catrandom

#9

Go Opal, go Opal, go, go, go Opal!

But to prove I’m my own man and not just Opal’s pawn, I’ll say Kellogg’s frosted brown sugar and cinnamon. Accept no substitute.

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik

#10

::slipping a crisp 10-spot under the table to DoctorJ::

–
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

#11

My vote goes to the brown sugar cinnamon ones too… I am an avid chocoholic, but the cinnamon ones take precident over the chocolate and that is a feat in itself.

“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good
things.” --Edgar Degas

#12

The best use for PopTarts ™ is to write the address of someone you don’t particularly like on the non-frosted side, affix sufficient postage, and drop in the nearest mailbox.

#13

Something I failed to mention…

Am I the only person to notice that an uncooked pop tart is flat, yet after cooking they become curved, and look reminiscent of a woman arching her back in the throes of orgasm?

Or have I just been alone with pop tarts too long…?

Inky

#14

Inky, are you supplying your own frosting?

#15

Uh, Inky, you are starting to scare me.

Now to the OP, brown sugar and cinnamon are about the only pop tarts I will eat.

Now the toaster pastry that you get in the frozen food section, those are a diffrent story ! Give me anything with cream cheese and I’m almost orgasmic.

Ayesha - Lioness

There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)

#16

Frosted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon are kickass, but my favorites are definitely the Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Creme ones. Yum!

Both require copious amounts of milk, though. I think the fruit ones are a bit less heavy, but they taste too fake.

#17

Inky… shouldn’t that last comment be in the Toasty vs. Pastey thread? =)

“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good
things.” --Edgar Degas

#18

We buy the Pop Tarts Variety Pak (or something like that) at Costco. The frosted brown sugar and cinnamon pop tarts (12 each) are gone the next day. The blueberry and strawberry hang around for a couple of weeks.

Opal, Doc Jackson, PCW, Ayesha rule! (With an honorable mention to Drain Bead.)

Hey, is this now a favorite posters thread? Favorite toasters?

“Vandelay!! Say Vandelay!!”

#19

No. Pop Tarts do NOT require milk. In fact, milk would totally ruin the experience, similar to the way that lapping up dog diarrhea would ruin the experience.

–
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

#20

I like the purple ones!

The poster beneath me is not wearing pants!