As a conisseiur of the two-dimentional toaster pastery I have drawn a few conclusions:
Award for the all-around Best Toaster Pastery:
This goes to Kelloggs frosted strawberry pop tarts with red colored sprinkly thingies. Nice mouthfeel, both toasted AND raw. The combination of the passive, smooth frosting with the gritty red violence of the colored sprinkle thingies reminds us that the universe is built with equal, but opposite forces. Toasted yin-yang hermony, best served with cold milk. Used to be six to a box, now an astounding eight (note: In small, Korean owned groceries you might have to dig farther back on the shelf for the eight-boxes, as they are deliberatly hidden behind the older six-boxes).
Second runner up: Kelloggs frosted blueberry, who will take the winners place should it fail to fulfill it’s duties.
Best Tart Packaging Structural Integrity award goes to:
Toastettes pasteries. These come in a classic cold-war style radiation proof solid lead foil, and feel like something designed by the Soviet military. Much meatier than the flimsy electro-static discharge preventing silver mylar thet Kelloggs pop tarts come in. Nice job!
Worst All-Around Toaster Pastery:
The sickening Kelloggs “Wild Berry” pop tart, with its Play-Dough Fun Factory color scheme frosting, and it’s disgusting two-toned mystery filling (note: the exact berry or combination of berries is suspiciously never revealed in the packaging or the ingredients).
The second runner up for worst is the Kelloggs “S’Mores” pop tarts. Many thanks to all who participated.
Final Note: The judges concluded that Pilsbury Toaster Strudel was inelegable for consideration. It simply looks too girly, and having to use a seperate pouch of liquid frosting is far to much like actually cooking.