Mom smokes in the car; Jesus is OK with it, but we can’t tell Dad.
BTW, haircut records do exist. The place my son gets his hair cut can look up what guard they typically use on his hair if he gets a barber he’s never had before. They look it up in a computer.
Penny: Hey, Leonard, is your Wi-Fi down? I can’t get on.
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It’s now “Penny is a freeloader”… no spaces.
Trent Monocle
You are my heart
My universe
You are my heart
My universe
Dance number aside, I am so not gay.
God forbid you get one of those new fancy sex diseases!
Oh, Bernadette,
Please play my clarinet!
Social protocol states: when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage.
*Someone insults *Star Trek.
Wil Wheaton: Yeah, “Live long and suck it!”
Penny: Sheldon, have you ever kissed a girl?
Sheldon: Other than my mother, my sister and my mee-maw, no. But in the interest of full disclosure, I was once on a bus and had to give mouth-to-mouth to an elderly nun who passed out from heat exhaustion. Every year I get a Christmas card from her, signed with far too many X’s and O’s.
Sheldon: I so loathe you.
Wil: That’s right, Sheldon. Embrace the dark side.
Sheldon: That’s not even from your franchise!
Priya: Sheldon’s a bit quirky, isn’t he?
Howard: Oh please, that crazy bastard is looking at quirky in the rearview mirror.
Unless Leonard signs the new roommate agreement in the next… [checks timer] 41 seconds, this computer will send an e-mail to your parents in India saying that you’re in a secret relationship with the whiter-than-Marshmallow-Fluff Leonard Hofstadter.
There once was a brave lad named Leonard
With a fie-fie-fiddle-dee-dee
He fought a fearsome giant
While Raj just wanted to pee
Why is it never Angie Dickinson’s bedroom?
You may have gone to Cambridge, but I’m an honorary graduate of Star-Fleet Academy.
Amy did soften my life, she’s like the dryer sheets to my heart
Leonard to Penny: Am I the dryer sheets to your heart?
Your the lint trap of my love
Oh, word of advice, do not doze off, you’ll never hear the end of it.
My Mother praying for forgiveness when she puts glass chips in my Father’s meatloaf.
And my Father skeet shooting Mother’s collectible plates
[Bernadette has just been yelling at Howard, just like his mother]
Howard: [to Leonard and Raj] Is it just me or does she sound sexy when she’s angry?