Who would have thought, Fuzzy Finger’s Fowler’s best friend’s with a bully!
Mrs. Wolowitz: God forbid you get one of those new fancy sex diseases!
Howard: Nobody has a disease!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope not! I share a toilet with you! Is that what you want!? To give your mother herpies!?
Penny: I don’t know what a “succubus” is, but it has “suck” in it, so it can’t be good.
Social protocol states: when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage.
It’s hard to say no to “YooHoo” the name literally beckons
And when they’re drunk what do you offer them?
Coffee.
And what do you offer it with?
(Sheldon assumes slightly creepy, maniacal grin)
I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
You went out and bought linen?
Don’t be silly. I borrowed one of your pillowcases.
Borrowed? Borrowed?
On Thursdays, everybody comes over here and has pizza… or a reasonable facsimile prepared by someone claiming to be Luigi, but who sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.
Wow 3 dates is Sex…who knew!
Penny: I spent two years trying to get Leonard to even go to the beach in the first place. He was so phobic about stepping on medical waste I’d carry him to the water.
Sheldon: Fine, what do you want me to do?
Leonard: Smile. (He does, exaggeratedly.)
Howard: Oh crap, that’s terrifying.
Leonard: We’re here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman.
Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I’m thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum’s the word. Gotta go.
How old are they?
Oh 50-55
Great menopause, nature’s birth-control
Penny: Sheldon, have you ever kissed a girl?
Sheldon: Other than my mother, my sister and my mee-maw, no. But in the interest of full disclosure, I was once on a bus and had to give mouth-to-mouth to an elderly nun who passed out from heat exhaustion. Every year I get a Christmas card from her, signed with far too many X’s and O’s.
And I don’t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up.
Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary and, based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.
Unless Leonard signs the new agreement in the next…[checks timer] 41 seconds, this computer will send an e-mail to your parents in India saying that you’re in a secret relationship with the whiter-than-Marshmallow-Fluff Leonard Hofstadter.
No one wants to do that to you, ma!
Sheldon: You’ve already signed something for me, Brent Spiner—your name on my list. From this moment on you are my mortal enemy!
Wil Wheaton: Don’t worry, it doesn’t take up a whole lotta your time.
I must say ever since you’ve been having intercourse, your mind is loosing it’s sharpened edge