Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really!
Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
Leonard: I don’t care. 2 millime–? That doesn’t seem right.
Sheldon: It’s true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.
Romance Ninja!! Let’s have SEX~
Do you guys ever use toys?
Toys? I have a model rocket next to my bed.
A wocket? You’re a fweak. I wuv it!
[after scaring Sheldon with a Halloween prank]
Howard: I thought he would faint.
Raj: I thought he would pee himself.
Leonard: Looks like everyone’s a winner!
Don’t ya wanna know how I figured it out?
No one likes a know it all Penny
If cats could sing, they’d hate it too.
Did you tell her half your porno’s are animated?
You’re not the first girls I thought were friends with me who ended up shunning me. It’s like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school, and that semester abroad in Norway all over again.
The answer by the way? JUNE!
Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship agreement - Section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.
Amy: I should’ve gotten a lawyer.
Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?
Congratulations Dr. Fowler, you just made the Fort!
Leonard: Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?
Althea: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn’t be here.
Sheldon: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater with a character like Stuart is repellent. No offense, Stuart.
Stuart: None taken. Though repellent…is kind of…kind of a strong word.
nm
Sheldon: Leonard, I don’t think I can do this.
Leonard: What are you, kidding? You’re a semi-pro.
Sheldon: No, we are committing genetic fraud. There’s no guarantee that our sperm’s going to generate high-IQ offspring. Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.
I help the weak. It’s yet another way I’m exactly like Batman.
Sheldon: (holding his crotch) Missy can date whoever she wants.
Stuart and Raj have just put dating profiles online:
Raj: “Jenny309 [is reading his profile].” I hope that’s not her weight.
Stuart: If it is, I’ll-I’ll take her.
Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparent manip… Ohhhhhh, it’s a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me.