Well, that’s it. That’s the end of Roger Abbot.
And we still don’t know who framed him.
Before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower. But look at me now. I’m like some kind of downtown hipster party girl! With a posse, a boyfriend, and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things!
Sheldon: What if she ends up with a toddler who doesn’t know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I’m sure she’ll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn’t.
You don’t have access to my haircut records.
O gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
Amy: There’s not a hair on my body I wouldn’t let this woman trim.
Raj: So, uh, what are you guys talking about?
Claire: Well, your friends were just telling me about all the other girls you’re dating.
Raj: Why would you do that? I specifically asked you not to do that!
Penny: We didn’t.
Amy: You just did.
Zack: Wow, maybe none of you guys are smart.
** Leonard:** Once you open the box it loses its value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, my mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.
Amy: Say, Betsy Ross, whatcha working on?
Sheldon (in falsetto): I have no idea, because the story of me sewing the first American flag is unsupported poppycock.
Amy: Then who did sew it?
Sheldon (falsetto): Don’t ask me. I’m just a simple seamstress whose descendants (drops falsetto) are out to make a quick buck.
Sheldon: I have my transporter swapped in Leonard’s box, and now he won’t know that his is broken. Everyone’s happy.
Tiny Spock: I’m not happy.
Sheldon: But I thought where you come from, they don’t have emotions.
Tiny Spock: I come from a factory in Taiwan.
This is the best Top Ramen you have ever made
I discovered a secret, the flavor packet
Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it’s an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Stephen Hawking: I know.
Where does your mom keep the Crisco?
Oh I don’t know, maybe in a wad in her cheek
Oh, gosh, golly. I made a boo-boo, and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Penny: Yes, I know men can’t fly.
Sheldon: No, no, let’s assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
If he really loved her, he’d let her hit the pavement; it’d be a more merciful death.
Howard: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That’s fine, you win.
Howard: What’s his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!
Great. Another fainter.
** Sheldon:** [about Stephen Hawking] He’s a famous physicist.
Penny: Hang on, I know. He’s the wheelchair-dude who invented time.
Sheldon: Close enough.
Penny: Sheldon, we [women] are just people. We talk about the same things you talk about.
Sheldon: You talk about if werewolves can swim?