Alex: I’m sure you get hit on all the time.
Leonard: Right. Because girls are always like: “Oooh, that guy owns two Star Trek uniforms and gets lots of ear infections. I gotta get me some of that.”
Leonard: You convinced me. Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet?
Sheldon: You don’t think that crosses a line?
Leonard: Yes! For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?
Shouldn’t you be out with your gang spray painting equations on the side of buildings?
My my, the plot like my gravy thickens
Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I’m standing right there. And they’re all taller than me. WHY IS EVERYONE TALLER THAN ME?
Old, broken things are so much better than new things that work.
Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you.
Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative - Oh, it’s a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.
Howard: [talking about his new car] It’s parked in 294.
Sheldon: I’m sorry, 294 is my parking spot.
Raj: You don’t even drive.
Leonard: Maybe they’ll reassigned it because you don’t use it.
Sheldon: I don’t use my nipples either, maybe they should reassign those.
Sheldon (to Leonard, who has decided to give up on Penny): Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted, smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so you don’t crash into Geek Mountain again.
Bernadette: Gosh, Amy, I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?
And he really does have [a girlfriend], you jerks on the comment board.
Sheldon: [he picks up the tub of VapoRub and sits on the couch opposite Amy] Now, you may notice some tingling…
Amy: Oh, I’m counting on it!
Just remember with great power comes great responsibility
You w-want to (voice cracks) rub something on my chest?
I can’t return these things if there’s chunks of duck all over them.
Do you think we an out run him?
I don’t need to out run him, I just need to out run you!
I’m not a stranger to dice games. I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
Your desperate need for friendship makes you weak
**Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
** Leonard: Little bit, yeah.