Leonard:When the transvestite lived here, you didn’t care how he kept the place.
Sheldon: Because it was immaculate. I mean, you open that man’s closet it was left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses and his police uniforms.
Leonard: What were you doing in his closet?
This is from the first season. At that time, Jim Parsons had not officially “come out of the closet.” He is now out and has married his long time partner, Todd Spiewak.
“Look, Sheldon’s pretty embarrassed, so when he gets here, we should…”
“Make fun of him?”
“A lot.”
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not get lucky.
Amy: You and me both, brother.
Sheldon: So, first there was PlayStation, aka PS1, then PS2, PS3 and now PS4. And that makes sense. You’d think after Xbox, there’d be Xbox 2. But no, next came Xbox 360. Hmm? And now, after 360, comes Xbox One. Why one? Maybe that’s how many seconds of thought they put into naming it.
Amy: Can you get the butter, please?
Sheldon: You know, however, with the Xbox One, I can control my entire entertainment system using voice commands. Up until now, I’ve had to use Leonard.
Amy: Then get the other one. Pass the butter.
Sheldon: Get? Hang on. I don’t feel like you’re taking this dilemma seriously.
Amy: Fine, Sheldon. You have my undivided attention.
Sheldon: Okay, now, the PS4 is more angular and sleek-looking.
Amy: No way.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, it’s true. But the larger size of the Xbox One may keep it from overheating.
Amy: Well, you wouldn’t want your gaming system to overheat.
Sheldon: No, see? Well, you absolutely would not. And furthermore, the Xbox One now comes with a Kinect included.
Amy: Included?
Sheldon: Yes. Not sold separately. Although the PS4 uses cool new GDDR5 RAM, while the Xbox One is still using the conventional DDR3 memory.
Amy: Why would they still be using DDR3? Are they nuts?
Sheldon: See? That’s what I thought. But then they go and throw in an ESRAM buffer.
Amy: Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Who’s they?
Sheldon: Xbox.
Amy: You’re kidding.
Sheldon: No, I am not. And this ESRAM buffer should totally bridge the 100-gigabit-per-second bandwidth gap between the two RAM types.
Amy: This is a nightmare. How will you ever make a decision?
Sheldon You see? I don’t know. What should I do?
Amy: Please pass the butter!
“Why are you damp?”
“I was trying to peek in Wil [Wheaton]'s window and he turned the sprinklers on.”
"It’s not funny anymore, James!”
“Yeah, I had a crazy night. I went to the pharmacy. I like to be there when the new decongestants drop.”
Sheldon: In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so? The classic neener-neener? Or just my normal look of haughty derision?
Raj: You don’t know we’re wrong yet.
Sheldon: Haughty derision it is.
Amy: Excuse me. I’m Amy Farrah Fowler. You’re Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I’m sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I’m being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I’m unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I’m here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.
Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
Amy: I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.
Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.
Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?
Amy: Tepid water, please.
Howard: Good God, what have we done?
Oh, Leonard!.. ALREADY?
Oh, Leonard!.. ALREADY?
Howard: “You got sick from the Teacup ride at Disneyland.”
Bernadette: “Lots of people do.”
Howard: “We were still in line!”
“There are no Jewish hobbits.”
“Clearly, you’ve never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashana.”
“You blocked the number, right?”
“Relax. This is not my first creepy phone call.”
Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn’t spoken for long.
PLEASE PASS THE BUTTER!!!a
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: “What do you think, Leonard?”
Leonard: “I think this is the greatest day of my life.”
William Shatner: “It’s all right, buddy. One day you’ll meet a girl.”
Raj whispers in Howard’s ear
Howard: No, it’s not necessarily proportional. Shut up!
Bazinga!
“Uh, I dunno, it was Kareem-Something Jabbar.”
Of course I’m nice to you! I’m nice to EVERYONE!