A friend of mine had the opposite problem. He became very attached to his GF"s kids. He spent a lot time with them for a couple years.
The relationship with the GF ended and he was more broken up about not seeing those kids again.
He’s in a new relationship now and constantly talking about starting a family.
This is one of the most depressing posts I’ve ever read on this board (or anywhere else).
I had a friend who took great pride in ending relationships right before xmas, thus saving money on gifts and avoiding spending time with a gf’s family.
I just hope that they live long and prosper.
But does she know that he knows that she doesn’t want to break up? Does she actually want to break up and the OP is just wrong about the pretext for getting her stuff? STAY TUNED…
“You’ll do.” So romantic. 
But we talk about it a lot, a relationship is about so much more than passion. Sometimes people can literally only get passionate about people who are bad for them. That’s why people often have the same bad relationships over and over. THAT’s truly depressing.
Should I tell a single mother I’ve been dating her KIDS are the reason I want to break up?
NO
Why would you want to hurt her feelings like that? Don’t do it, please
If her kids are actually problematic, if it’s not him it will be the next guy. If her kids are being raised that badly she shouldn’t be dating in the first place. Her search for male companionship might be the primary distraction keeping her from focusing on her children. Some people are just not ready to have relationships but really want relationships. Telling her the truth makes her more likely to recognize that she should probably stop looking for a man.
It could be they just have fundamentally different ideas about parenting, and what to the OP is “foul-mouthed and ill-mannered” is fine with her. I mean, I suspect I would also disagre with the way she’s raising her kids, but that’s a reason they are a bad match–not a hard truth she needs to hear. This is especially true if the one son is special-needs.
I think part of the problem is our culture indoctrination - the endless TV shows and romantic comedies that have been filmed - always preach “total honesty”. In these shows, anyone who chooses to lie to their partner always ends up in a worse place than if they told the truth.
This is of course total bullshit. Doesn’t mean you should lie all the time, but at a minimum your romantic partner does not need total disclosure, and if a lie will keep the peace and there’s no real chance it’s going to be discovered, keep it zipped.
I’m not sure she perceives a problem. I’ve told her I didn’t like who she morphed into around her kids … she becomes a mean, angry b*tch around them. And they’ve clearly gotten used to that, so yelling is the only thing they respond to anymore.
I dunno. Marrying for love is a relatively recent, and Western, concept. We find it depressing because we believe in the romanticized ideal despite its rarity. Research indicates that arranged marriages are just about as happy as ‘‘for love’’ ones and that’s because once the endorphins wear off, you’re stuck with the person, not the ideal, in both cases. In both cases, you are facing practical challenges together, in a way that has nothing to do with how good the sex is. I think there is a difference between settling - ‘‘this is as good as I’m going to find, and I am desperate, so I might as well give in’’ and making the rational choice - ‘‘I care about stability and dependability more than smouldering bedsheets and that’s why this person is right for me.’’ The latter is more, I dunno, empowered.
I was in a can’t-lose situation with Sr. Weasel because the thing I was most looking for was stability. His dependability and responsible nature is a huge chunk of what made me love him. My checklist of ‘‘perfect man’’ was less ‘‘blue eyes and really tall’’ and more, 21 Things. Compared to the bad-boy red-hot lover stereotype I guess he is boring, but there is passion in boring, for me, because consistency and safety are what my soul most needs. The dude is a fucking rock. And his parenting is going to be off the hook, I can just tell. I had my cake and ate it too, but if I couldn’t find that, I was content with being alone.
Methinks you dodged a bullet, Lizard. There are worse things than being alone, and being at the center of a continuous screaming parent-kid drama is one of those worse things.
Having to deal with extended family is another issue when somebody dates/marries a person with kids.
Lizard, is the kids’ dad(s) in the picture?
Actually no, he’s dead. But she has no real relationships with her immediate family, even though live just across town. That was kind of a red flag too. Not that they’re bad people, exactly … but that’s a relative measure. She describes her brother as always drunk and extremely negative. Her mother is also deceased, and her father has remarried. HE chose to not have any of his kids/grandkids over for Christmas, and hang out with his wife’s family. I’m not terribly surprised, but that doesn’t sound good either.
Has she chosen the kids yet?
We’re looking for kids into cooking and heavy metal who like to read.
In all seriousness though, one of the benefits of adoption is that you do have some control over the type of child you adopt.
So, yes.
Its ok for you to sign up for a loveless marriage, you’re a grown man. I’d be careful bringing kids into it though.
What about a lust-less marriage? How do you tell the difference between ‘love’ and obsession with and fondness for your hot sex partner…
There’s love and then there is ‘love’. A settled, comfortable and peaceful existence is what I was after. I grew up in a large chaotic family. Lots of drama and movement. It is so nice to not have to compete for every word and crumb of attention. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Don’t chose drama for dramas sake. Fireworks can burn.
hardly loveless. Did you fall in love with your siblings or your parents? You can love someone without falling in love with them.