lol Isn’t that a website? (Am I Hot or Not?)
Alright, alot of people chiming in to say “Hey! I’m an ungly Joe and I have me a pretty woman.” (why does this not suprize me?) I like to stress the fact that I am speaking in general terms.
Also I am not saying you shouldn’t go for that really “hot chicktm” I’m just saying you shouldn’t go for them exclusively.
Further more, guys who do this are screwing themselves becuase yeah they might once in a great while be able to actually pick one of these chicks up;but they are doomed from the word go even if they do becuase they lack so much inexperience with women that they don’t really know what a woman wants. By that I mean their are certain things that you need to learn to do for a woman in order to keep her happy. These are things you just wont learn untill you’ve been in realationships with women. So in order to increase your probability and gain experience; go for the girls who have the same level of attractiveness as you.
I know this isn’t a pretty part of reality but its true. And all the sugar coating in the world isn’t gonna change that.
I asked out a guy once who initially thought to himself why is she asking me out, what does she want from me and admitted it was his own insecurities. I was nervous myself about asking him out on a date but thought what do i have to loose, all he could do is laugh at me and say no. I dont think there is this in your league thing for who I choose to date, just who I find interesting and hopefully they will agree to have coffee or something like that. But the majority of the guys I’ve dated, I’ve had to ask out. And apparently in dating books thats a no no. Oh well. I was wondering if any of the ladies were Rules girls and if that worked?
Or, y’know, you can ask, rather than presume that the next woman wants the same stuff as the last one.
I, too, lack inexperience with women.
I geddit! So, relationships are like when you’ve just created a new character in Neverwinter Nights, and you have to wander around killing off all the weak little lameass goblins and thieves and performing menial tasks and mini-quests to gain experience points, then when you level up you can tackle bigger, meaner creatures!
Damn, now everything makes sense!
/sarcasm
Yeah, and the best I can ever come up with is ‘fluffy snoogle wabbit’ or somesuch mind-numbing nonsense.
But I’m the pretty one, so who cares? 
Your right about that**Lilairen ** I believe thats one of the first things I learned when I entered the dating world. One has to learn how to talk to their women. By that I mean; don’t assume you can read their mind and know what they want becuase you can’t. Again this is something you can only learn by being with women.
And btw its not always so pragmatic as to say “you can always ask” Sometimes they need you to be right on target with out them holding your hand the whole way through. But yes in general terms you can almost always ask. Case in point; sometimes my girlfriend needs me to be funny to cheer her up when shes down, and sometimes she needs me to be serious to help her sort things out, and some times she just needs me to sit there and and listen to her and not say a word becuase she just wants to vent about all the bs in her life. Its things like this where its not always so easy as to “just ask”
Also after rereading my last post I realized that it seems a little one sided. A man has to date a few girls before he knows what he wants as well. Which ties into my last post; your never gonna know what the hell you want unless you date more often than once a year or so.
What your friend needs is an escort. He’s an average guy who wants a supermodel. For a couple hundred he can find a cutie who will say the right things, and teach him a thing or two.
Something to “tide him over” while figuring out that having a good circle of friends of both sexes, and not appearing so desperate, will give him opportunities and make him a more rounded person.
Personally, I want to lose about 30 lbs. But I do better with women now than before. Yes, I am more confident, but many girls like a big guy.
I still want to lose 30.
Perhaps it’s fundamentally different for someone who isn’t interested in “being with women”, but I rather doubt it.
The skills for learning about people are generalisable. For learning what they want, what they need, what sorts of relationships they’re interested in, what sorts of things set them off, whether or not they’re psychotic and not really good date material in the first place. People can start to learn them from their families, develop those skills with their friends, and by the time they hit “dating age” may very well be entirely capable of figuring out that people they’re attracted to are a lot like other people.
Learning things about a partner is not some weird and arcane ritual spell; it’s just the accumulation of data and applied brainpower. There isn’t a mystery. This isn’t something that necessarily needs “dating experience” to develop – I should know, I’ve been with my husband since I was sixteen. I think glamourising it as something fundamentally different that requires other skill-sets is quite likely to create problems, not solve them.
I saw an ad for that exact idea a while ago. Supposedly you could send a picture of yourself (and $10) to some address in London, and they’d “objectively” respond with an attractiveness rating.
If the relative attractiveness theory is correct then I am definately the best looking man who ever lived. They should have picked me as the world’s sexiest man… not that Ben Affleck.
I think Lola and I are a good looking couple, my pasty white skin and freckles really helps to set off her mocha skin tones while my straight lines help to set off her soft curves…
But seriously, once you get past the superficial aspect of appearance you’d find that we are as alike as any man and woman can be.
We chose each other because of what was within, and not because of what the wrapping looked like. In that respect we were both looking for someone who was in the same league and knew from experience that the cake isn’t always as good as the icing.
I just got lucky in finding someone who was as beautiful inside as she is outside.
Neither one of us really likes icing.
It isnt the same amount of pretty your looking for, its the same amount of ugly.
I dunno where i was when ugly was getting handed out, but i didnt get any!
Even though you are speaking in “general terms” it ought to set off the Clue-o-meter when quite a few people are chiming in with the “ungly joe”/“pretty woman” bit. I mean, ding ding ding, there are hot chicks who say they’ve dated plenty of less-than-desirable-to-lookist-snobs or even ugly men. They certainly haven’t all dated the same guys. This leads me to believe that a much more significant part of the population than you say is willing to give someone a chance who isn’t necessarily traditionally attractive. Not to mention that I personally have dated plenty of women/men who were much more attractive than me/much less attractive than me, and have seen plenty of others do the same.
Wait…this isn’t a pretty part of reality? Fuck that. I’m getting a reality with some big ol knockers and a modeling contract.
Great and mighty Cecil on Olympus’ highest spire, please tell me that word isn’t fucking real.
cherry,
How you doin’?
Which leads to the question, if this must be learnt, what did the guys think before? To sit around in sullen silence with their woman (“mah woman. maaaaaaaaaaaaaah wuuhmawn. not your woman, maaaaaaaahhh wuhmawn.” - Lea Delaria), and believe that they could read their mind and know what they wanted telepathically?
Good grief.
B Pants,
Yes, I agree, ugly men get pretty women; ugly women get pretty men…
But, I still find myself also agreeing with some parts of the OP…
The basic premise here is that some men (the OP’s friend) are ONLY willing to date the very pretty girls (with no regard to their own attractiveness). His friend has a very big double standard going on, it’s not fair to the women he is willing to date, it’s not fair to the women he’s not willing to date, and it’s hurting him.
It’s a double standard that I’ve seen in my circle of friends as well. I have dated many men who would NOT have dated me if I were as large as they themselves were…or as untidy…or as old…or just plain as ‘ugly’ as they were. It’s not a fair double standard that they have, and it didn’t necessarily make me feel good, and for this reason I agree with the OP. Sure, they were dating me because I fit their narrow attract-o-meter…but a girl wants someone who wants her soul first, her body second. (Or vice versa sometimes, but that’s only after a few glasses of wine)
People like me, willing to give everyone a chance, have a BIG pool to draw from… and maybe some of these men with their teeny, tiny pools will realize that there are more women out there, some pretty amazing women, with all sorts of shapes and faces and they may be missing out on something. 
If that doesn’t work, the OP should just remind his friend that there are more men than women in our age group in the U.S. so he better hurry before all the good women are taken. 
Perhaps a bigger scan on the issue.
Some people believe judging a person simply by appearance is shallow. I have a friend who interviews dressed like he normally dresses (slobishly), wears his hair long, tatoos exposed, and wonders why he never gets invited back for a second interview at corporate jobs. He has a stellar resume and is certainly qualified.
The “nice guy” whine is very similar. “I’m such a nice guy, she should be able to see beyond my having been beaten with the ugly stick.” I’m willing to bet that most of the guys who have posted in this thread with beautiful significant others didn’t have immediate success with their girlfriends/wives with a simple pick up line in a bar (if it was, then, like Zebra’s friend, they had some serious mojo - or one hell of a pick up line - or the technique my first husband used, with a 1% success rate, simply ask 100 women). Somehow, they established a connection that went beyond “wow, he looks like Brad Pitt.”
Judging a person long term by appearence alone IS shallow. Judging a person short term by apperence is what a first impression is (unless you meet and fall in love at the SDMB).
I love that the phrases “hot chicks” and “lookist snobs” are used in the same sentence here. That’s great.
I work with a guy who hits on girls out of his league all the time. He picks out the hottest young women in the company and makes them miserable for a bit while he tries to set up dates with them.
The sad thing is not the fact that he hits on women “out of his league”. The sad thing is the huge onus he places on women to look wonderful, while he himself is a flabby slob. The other sad thing is I believe he wants to date a hot chick because it would make him feel better about himself. The flabby slob/low self-esteem has to be the most unattractive combination I’ve seen in a long time.