I’d like to make an official Freedom of Information Act filing so that someone tells me what the hell happened that weekend. So far, all I’ve gotten is that TwistOfFate bought some porno and proceeded to fall off a curb, where he may or may not have wanked himself. Right?
You’re not that rich John… 
laughs
That’s IT! I so need to come over and do a Dopefest with you clowns. Anyone want to contribute to the “Send Falcon to Europe” fund?
And I’d watch it…Corrado might invoke his mighty Mod powers to MAKE y’all tell what happened!
I most definitely did not do the above act mentioned. Yes, I fell over a curb, and I bought the afforementioned magazines, but I definitely did not have a crafty shuffle.
And there is more scandal, but I’m not at liberty to discuss.
Lets just say Spiny’s signature is more than meets the eye. 
Yep, this whole Court Room thing stems from my quotation of Coldie – one of the few I can actually recall and there were many. Everything else about Twistof Fate is just fun.
I suppose the thing is: The Dopers who were there are now just having a little fun (in this thread) while those who weren’t there, quite understandably, want the juicy bits.
Falcon, John Corrodo et al - I guess it all went pretty much like a stag weekend but with feminine quality adding to the mix. Aside from the cultural things we did (and there were several), Saturday was about a 10 hour very earnest drinking session with all the usual unpredictable malarkey thrown in. Friday: about 8 hours and Sunday the same.
As I understand it, in the general run of things EuroFests tend to be a little different in character from their North American counterparts so perhaps it’s enough to say that no one got hurt (physically or emotionally), no one was arrested and, I think, there are no regrets whatsoever and everyone had a genuinely great time.
So, an awful lot of ‘things’ happened and while, from the point of view you’re probably interested in, there is a little more gossip it’s only a little.
That’s my two Guilders worth.
Apparently we won’t get Twisty to admit to wanking, so to keep the view counter ticking:
The reason yours truly missed most of the canal ride was - well - that all of a sudden I found myself sitting very close to one of the most beautiful (likely the most beautiful, but I’ll admit to being biased) and smartest ladies of the SDMB. Actually, Shayna was sitting very, very close.
So we kissed a bit. And a bit more. And then some more. Actually, I seem to remember quite a bit of kissing over the next couple of days. And perhaps a bit of serious falling-for-each-other as well.
So - ehm - well, that’s really all there is to it. Except of course the fact that I’ve just called in all favours to get an unplanned vacation and ebookers just confirmed my reservation, Air France Hamburg - LA.
Shayna: I miss you terribly, sweetheart.
You may now post congratulations and smart-ass comments. But keep those photos off the web, OK ?
S. Norman
You know, the part where you say “And we owe it all to tater.” I’m thinking of becoming a professional matchmaker and your testimonial could be quite helpful…
Seriously, I am soooooo happy for the two of you and now I get to tell everybody!!
HooAhh!
Well, at least the initial shove in the right direction. I do believe his charm, wit, brilliance and exceedingly good looks had something to do with it as well. 
Thomas, sweetheart, I miss you, too, and I can’t wait to be back in your arms next month.
(Yeah, yeah, stop pukin’ over there. I see you rolling your eyes and making faces. You just wish it were happening to you - jealous bastards :D)
Oh, and for the record, since all of you nosey putzes try to find more juice than there actually is in any given situation… I shared a room with fierra and only fierra for the entire trip. Hence, the above comment by London_Calling regarding Spiny’s, uhm, unfortunate discomfort in riding home as he did.
:Keith subtly sidles up to Tater and slips her a Twenty under the table:
Sooo…how much to retain your “services”, I’ve heard great things about your work .
Keith
P.S. A big thank you to the Amsterdopers for the postcard, I can’t wait until it gets here.
Well, now that its all out, I’d like to congratulate tatertot on a fine matchmaking! We all witnessed what was probably the entire Stanley Cup playoff and finals of tonsil hockey! Best wishes to Shayna and Spiny, hope to see you lip-locking again soon!
What the…
Spiny and Shayna kissed?? When did this happen?
Next case: Shayna vs. “All y’alls bones”.
Allegedly, the former declared on being of the intent to jump the latter. We call to the witness stand: mr Weirddave.
mr Weirddave, can you relate to us the events as they occured last friday night, at the well-known establishement De Prins, located on the Prinsengracht in the fair city of Amsterdam?
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Answer the question, mr Weirddave. Did or did not miss Shayna express her intent to jump “All y’alls Bones” on that infamous friday night, in the establishment described?
Well, maybe she said “all your bones are belong to us”, no, wait, that was…I dont remember. To be honest Mr. Clog Head, I think she was planning some nefarious scheme to capture a Great Dane the next day, but I can honestly say I saw no dogs all weekend. Maybe this is just the beer talking. Didn’t you brag about a pig with a SPH at some point? Something about “lonely nights between trips to England?” It’s all a blur…
The presiding judge is not the one being questioned, mr. Weirddave.
I note that while miss Shayna seemed to be rather indiscriminate on whose bones to jump on friday night, she became much more particular during the course of the early saturday afternoon boat ride. Would it be fair to conclude that it was the kissing capabilities of the Great Dane that narrowed down the field somewhat?
I know the messieurs London_Calling and Messiah were pretty pissed off that they never got around to showing their skills. Would you agree that Shayna’s sudden focusing on one target without sampling the others (whom she, as we know by now, wanted to ALL jump the night before) constitutes a breach of a verbal contract? I do not recall anyone vocally objecting to being jumped by miss Shayna, that infamous friday night. Well, maybe Agrhis would have expressed concern, but he wasn’t there yet.
I would like to invoke my rights under the 5th amendment to the US Constitution and decline to testify on the grounds that it might incriminate me.
Objection! Counsel is leading the witness…to conclude that he should have been given a fair shot too. Hey!
Damn straight, breach of contract! Class action suit! first thing we do, let’s call all the lawyers!
Miss Shayna, I am flabbergaster that I need to point out to you that this hearing is taking place under Dutch Law. In other words, this here judge tells you to stick the Fifth Amendment where the sun don’t shine.
Fine, then, have it your way, Clogboy.
The Dutch Supreme Court has generally said that “it would ill be in keeping with the spirit of the DCCP” if “the suspect would be compelled to contribute to his own conviction under threat of punishment” (HR 16 January 1928, NJ 1928 p. 233).
So put that in your pipe and smoke it!
In other news, Dutch Law has today incorporated a bit of its British counterpart. We’re re-introducing the oldfashioned caning! So, if you would be so kind as to assume the position, miss Shayna?