**What were Hitler’s long-term goals?
Poison Ivy exposure
**
He definitely preferred it to poison gas exposure.
** What were Hitler’s long-term goals?
Scotland leaving UK? **
“I annex Scotland, and ultimate control of the world’s haggis is mine! MINE!!!”
**Tell me about great lengths you’ve gone to to avoid irritating people
E. Coli-tainted Vegetables
**
Yup, I don’t have to wonder if I’m too loud if the downstairs neighbors are dead.
Is this joke funny?
Whatever happened to that guy?
Ha ha ha! That is a real knee-slapper.
Funniest thing said without an audience to appreciate it
Gah! GAAAAAH! (the biggest ant I’ve ever seen)
Please tell me you don’t do stand-up for a living.
**Sarah Palin: Paul Revere warned the British
Spiders. Hundreds of spiders.
**
They may be your mortal enemy, but it’s just common decency to warn them about things like that.
Congressman Anthony Weiner: My Twitter account was hacked! The weiner photo is not mine!
Funniest thing said without an audience to appreciate it
No audience? There were reporters and everything.
**What were Hitler’s long-term goals?
Human evolution
**
Yeah, basically.
**No-touch male orgasm/ejaculation, how does it happen?
How to clean car windshield? **
You must REALLY like driving!
**Your cures for constipation? No jokes please
Ben Stein’s new movie Expelled **
**Tell me about great lengths you’ve gone to to avoid irritating people
“You Are Currently the Only Person in this Country” **
yep, that’d do it
** When are all of us good people gonna finally get together and murder all the bad people?
Poll: Do the surnames Farrell and Ferrell sound the same to you?**
Close enough! We need to knock off all of 'em to make sure of getting Will Ferrell.
**Jerseyisms
When are all of us good people gonna finally get together and murder all the bad people?
**
Yeah, me and da boys are good people, does other guys? Fuggeddaboutit.
Dark pop songs
Why the American desire for happy endings?
By popular demand, here’s the revised version of a golden oldie classic:
I pulled her out and she was safe
But she went running back
Fortunately, the train broke down.
Sorry, but that sucks.
**How do restaurants keep their ground beef clean?
55 Gallon Can Dispenser **
** Dick with a time machine in an alternate timeline.
You got your doctorate in what?**
Dickitude. I’m a PhDick. Got a problem with that?
Weiner’s wife is Pregnant!
Is Weiner finished?
I guess it depends on if he and his wife want more kids or not.
Master chefs; How would you prepare human meat?
Casseroles for the bereaved
The funeral was sad. But the cold cuts were great!
**How many slang terms we think of for being on drugs?
Ask the Pastured Poultry Farmer
**
Man, I did so many lines of milk the other night, I got totally pastured!
What’s this swishing sound coming from my new (used) computer?
Male sex drive INcreasing with age?
Overstimulation of your computer’s sex drive is common in older Gateway models, especially if you visit lots of porn sites. Reboot and you’ll be fine.
** Is Weiner finished?
Should Victims of Adultery Be Favoured?**
I’m waiting on Mrs. Weiner divorce settlement