They aren’t strangers. They have been watching games together for months. They live in the same building. It was her birthday on one occasion, a big windfall on the other. This is in the range of normal niceness for a lot of people.
You are reaching pretty hard. He won $50 and gave her $20. That’s not a big windfall you just gotta spread around. And when was the last time someone other than your grandma gave you $20 for your birthday? If these things don’t arch your eyebrow, that’s your problem. I am not being overly cynical here.
I have known people that generous who did not have exterior motives. Our office manager, who makes probably half of what I do, gives me (and others) gifts in that range. She just likes making people happy. My brother is actively uncomfortable being happy if the people around him are not; he’d have split the scratch off, because he would have been embarrassed to have good fortune in front of someone else who did not.
Ok, you can think this is something remotely close to an office manager handing out knickknacks if you want.
Not to derail this thread, but at least one study has shown that many women are attracted to men who possess the “Dark Triad” personality traits (narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellism).
My sister is one example of this. I don’t think she will date a guy unless he has a rap sheet. She likes “tough” guys who get in fights. She finds nice guys boring.
People who gamble can be very superstitious. Not sharing your winnings can bring the wrath of the gambling gods.
Beyond that, sharing a windfall is way of celebrating. It probably would have been more appropriate to suggest ordering a pizza with everything on it and offering to pay for it.
My perspective on this is very likely affected by the fact that I found it so screamingly obvious that he wasn’t trying to be a platonic friend. At least not in order to be a platonic friend, if that makes sense. He was courting her.
I wouldn’t even characterize this guy as a “Nice Guy”. Because he didn’t do what the stereotypical “Nice Guy” does, which would be to keep up the act after she made it clear it wasn’t working, or to act like she was obligated to date him. Yes, he’s pissed off at her, but he isn’t trying to court her either.
There is a piece of advice that the Pick-Up Artist gives that the “Nice Guy” needs IMO to follow. If you aren’t going to close the deal, move on.
She wants a platonic friend. He wants to date her/get into her pants/have her bear his children and die in her arms. However you phrase it, they have different and irreconcilable goals. She isn’t wrong, he isn’t wrong. They have different goals - move on.
Regards,
Shodan
ph
We dont know how she phrased it, he just may be temporarily angry and will go back to being friends.
Maybe he will have another go at it. If I were him, I wouldn’t bother. The smart as well as polite thing to do would be to wait for her to come to him, if and when she changes her mind.
Plenty of other fish in the ocean. He spent three months chasing one particular fish. That’s more than enough, IMO. Cut your losses.
I haven’t dated since the Jurassic period, but I always heard it as more or less a game of percentages. You hit on every one you find remotely interesting. 90% of the time you get nowhere. Which means you need to ask out ten women. You tend to get more dates spending three months chasing ten women, than three months chasing one. IYSWIM.
Regards,
Shodan
Any time I’m invited out, I offer to pay my share. Be it male pride or whatever the reason, my offer is declined. From that point on, I feel I did my duty and feel no guilt in accepting what is bestowed upon me.
Like I said, I won’t make that mistake again. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, although Miss Manners would say it was improper.
My bosses at work gave me a $100 visa gift card for christmas. You can call it a bonus, but it was pretty explicitly not presented as one - it came in a christmas card the same way the gift cards I get from my extended family do. (Not my grandma, though: I’ve run out of grandmas.)
And seriously, for people over a certain income $20 isn’t much. I’ve “loaned” a friend a thousand times that much - but he’s a longtime friend and was in dire straits. (And it was only a “loan” because there was no way in hell he’d take that as a gift.) So I can easily see giving a person I was a casual friend with $20 if I had gotten the impression they were in strained financial circumstances. I might even be looking for excuses to do so when the offer wouldn’t offend them.
Considering there to be some kind of obligation accrued when you give somebody a ride is a total ‘nice guy’ move.
You do realize “wanting to make friends with someone” is a perfectly normal thing that millions of people engage in, right? Even if it’s unusually friendly, there are millions of unusually friendly people out there. And also millions who are less knee-jerk suspicious of them than you.
You should not have accepted the money. That’s not an appropriate gift for someone you just know in your building.
This guy sounds like bad news anyway. Giving a woman money and things and later expecting romance in reciprocation? No, no, no no no.
I went to the lobby last night to watch news as something bad happened (missing boy body found) and he was there watching basketball. I sat behind him, and not 5 minutes later, he got up and left!
It seems that his absence from your life is bothering you more than you let on.
Maybe he doesn’t like the smell of coconuts.
Hmm.
Option 1: He’s mad at you, noticed you coming in, and decided that your presence disgusts him and departed.
Option 2: He’s aware that he crossed a line and broke your friendship and trust, is uncomfortable around you as a result. He noticed you come in, and left.
Option 3: He didn’t see you and had to take a pee.