Agreed. My natural social awkwardness and problems getting a date were not helped by my mom’s obsessing over whether I had a boyfriend or not… And I did eventually meet someone (another geeky type, FTR) and get married, and I’m now coming up on four years of being very happily married.
Not everybody who spends a weekend home alone is unhappy with that state of affairs. Some of us like that sort of thing.
I don’t like spending weekends home alone, but sometimes it actually is nice not going out drinking until 2am.
Anyhow, “lines” don’t really work on women. They’re cheesy and stupid. I prefer what I call “conversation starters”. Like going up to a bunch of girls in a bar and saying “hey! I see you guys like nachos! My friend here likes nachos! You guys have so much in common!” If the girls are friendly and like us, then we might get into a conversation. If they aren’t friendly and don’t like us, it doesn’t matter what I say or do.
And that’s basically the secret to meeting women. You just meet as many as you can, let her do the talking, casually try to guage how much interest is there and leave on a high note before she gets sick of you.
Let him be himself. I don’t know why you are anxious for him to develop a rap and a relationship. I want my kids to remain free and unfettered as long as possible. When he finally does find someone who likes him, let it be for who he really is and not for some rap he developed.
An awkward teenage boy doesn’t need the advice, “Just be yourself”. He is always himself, and it’s getting him nowhere. ‘rap’ is really just a crude term for ‘style’ and Dinsdale’s son is in need of some. Adam Corolla on *Love Line *used to get young guys asking this same question and I liked his strategy. He said, don’t actually ever ask them out at all. It’ll go down something like this:
Him:What are you doing this weekend?
Her:I dunno just hanging out with friends I think.
Him:Have you seen that new movie?
Her:No, but it looks pretty cool.
Him:Yeah, I think I’ll go see it Friday night.
Her:Oh.
There. If she’s interested she’ll show up and it’s a date. If she’s not interested or can’t, she wont, but at least his pride isn’t hurt. This is just one silly example, but there are plenty of like applications.
Has Dinsdale, Jr., asked for any help with girls? Is he bothered by his lack of girlfriends? If not, I’d say just leave him alone and let him figure it out for himself. Could it be that you are pushing him to meet girls, which is causing him to come off as awkward and creepy? My son, who is also entering his senior year in high school, also doesn’t seem to have any luck in the girlfriend department, but I figure he’ll find someone when the time is right. He certainly wouldn’t want any advice from me or his father.
At 18, where is he really trying to “get”? Growing up is often painful, but in the painful lessons he develops character. I think it is natural for parents to want to help kids avoid the painful lessons and help them short-circuit the harder parts of life, but I am not sure it is the right thing to do.
That said, I will bow out since I am not moving the OP forward.
You guys are right. I’m just regretting the fact that I didn’t get enough when I was in HS, so I want to make sure my kids gets his share. Especially when I read about prepubescent middle schoolers supposedly giving casual handjobs and more in the back of the school bus. After all, he’ll never again (legally) be able to ball a HS cheerleader, and I wanna live vicariously through him!
In fact, I fear he may be gay, so I’m trying to get him the pussy cure. Of all the suggestions so far, I think I’m going to recommend Rysdad’s.
A little more seriously, I wonder if at least some of you don’t have kids, and may not appreciate the concerns of a parent who, in the end, simply wants his children to be happy. There is a constant debate on countless issues whether or not to do or say something, and if so, what. And then after you act or don’t, you wonder if you made the right choice.
Just saying, it is a little frustrating to try to compose a succinct on-line message, and have at least some people eagerly interpret your concern as intrusive or “creepy.”
Thanks anyway for all the feedback.
What the fuck?!
Yeah…that’s a little creepy.
Oh no…not creepy at all. What the fuck was I thinking?!
For the guys above me who are freaking out, you DO realize that this is totally sarcastic, right??
I hear you - I worry about my son and his happiness too - and am always second guessing myself and the decisions I’ve made. Why don’t they come with a damn MANUAL??? 
I know. Hope things will look up for y’all soon or at least you’ll feel a bit better - my son and your son sound a LOT alike. 
FTR the record, it is possible for parental concern to be both instrusive and creepy.
Extreme concern about who your child does or doesn’t f*ck (beyond the “are you happy” level) is over the creepy line, IMHO. If he’s happy, leave him be. If he’s not happy, he’ll ask YOU for advice. If he’s unhappy and he doesn’t ask you for advice, consider that you make him uncomfortable in the way you communicate about it.
Uh - yeah. What she said.
(Good thing I didn’t mention the waterbed I bought him or the hidden cameras I installed in his room. My first plan stalled when I found you can’t buy Rufies OTC. Or perhaps I coulda included a smiley or twelve!)
Oh, right. I hadn’t read all the earlier posts, so it was a bit hard to know, although I of course should have.
Well, he did say he wasn’t serious IN that post. The dope is so into psychotherapizing and trying to “turn it back” on any OP.
I do think you’re just trying to be nice and make your son happy-as I said in my posts. I’m in a similar situation where my parents really really really want me to get married because they believe it would make me happy-and they are probably right. But some people are picky and you can’t rush them into things. Sounds like your kid is one of them. High schools can be tough places for kids, especially when one’s interests are marginalised as “nerdy” or whatnot. Pack him off to college, especially a larger one where he’ll find a whole bunch of people like him and isn’t under the microscopic social stratification and he’ll probably develop more confidence to just be himself when approaching people (because there will be a lot more people like him).
And again, as I said, caucasian at UIUC engineering is downright exotic. If he doesn’t mind East or South Asian girls they’ll probably be swarming all over him.
Thanks Missy. Actually, things are all good. Like I said, he gets really good grades, did really well on his tests, and should be able to get into a good school to study engineering or whatever he wishes. He’s also doing very well in his chosen activities, and is maturing considerably as a result of his job. On top of that, his reasonably healthy, and (IMO) handsome. All in all I think he’s growing into a personable, intelligent young adult who is fun to be with.
The one area in which he - and perhaps his siblings - are comparatively less successful is in the social arena. Which, as I said, isn’t too surprising in that neither his mom nor I are exactly social butterflies. I have a rather small circle of close friends, and have always envied folks who are at ease in varied social situations. I think at least in small part my present social personality is the result of choices I made when I was younger, and risks I was unwilling to take. In my opinion, if nothing else, HS can be a great opportunity to meet a large number of folks in a wide range of activities and develop all kinds of relations with them - with the kicker that little or none of what you succeed or fail at in HS will have any lasting repercussions on your adult life.
Socially, as in just about every area of life, you want to give your kid opportunities to explore various things, and hopefully decide upon how he wishes to style himself, rather than simply falling into behaviors because they don’t know how to do otherwise, or haven’t had the experience.
No, I haven’t pushed my kids to date or anything more at any specific age. But I believe every parent is aware of their child’s social development from an early age on. You make play dates, you enroll them in activities, you host birthday parties and hope they receive return invites. As the years roll by, hopefully your kid views you as a reasonable and concerned resource and sounding board as he and his interests mature. Hopefully it doesn’t stop when your kid becomes a teenager, although a significant part of that maturing process involves respecting their privacy.
It does not take a genius to tell if your kid is dissatisfied at his historic success (or lack thereof) with his chosen objects of affection. What complicates things is my kid - and I assume others - aren’t sure exactly what they want or how quickly they want to get there, but they see other people experiencing things and they want to see what that’s all about.
Finally, one thing my wife and I have been aware of for a while relates to conscious choices we made when they were younger. We felt many folks were far too eager for kids to “mature” at too early of an age in terms of dress, interests, dating, etc. Sorta the whole “prepubescent slut” phenomena. We sensed (correctly I believe) that my kids were very happy to remain innocent children and “play” for some time, without worrying about so much of the ugliness and responsibility in the world. So to some extent we intentionally enabled that, tho we urged them to be responsible in many other respects.
While doing so, we expected that when the time came, external influences would be such that our kids would inevitably mature - probably somewhere in their mid-teens. But to our surprise, our kids seemed to have retained some immaturity in various respects well into their latter teens. It is a difficult thing to describe, and this post is already getting too long. But if you don’t believe our ability to accurately assess the situation within our own house, well, I doubt any amount of additional writing will convince you otherwise.
One of the constant tensions of responsible parenting is the desire to support your kid and expose him to valuable information/experiences without pressuring him. I appreciate this board as a venue in which I can think out loud and receive some feedback, even if my concerns lead folks to suspect me of intrusiveness or creepiness.
Yeah - I figured you’d be around to give him an “in” in that direction - unless you’re gonna advocate an arranged marriage. Of course, since I’m a Polack I guess that would mean I’d be hooking him up with some sturdy immigrant who can clean his house and cook up the kielbasa…
“Cook the kielbasa”? Is that what the kids call it these days?
You saying that mightn’t be part of an effective “rap”?
Born twenty years too soon and in the wrong country. ::sigh ::
Anyways… re: immaturity… once he gets to university (if he has decided to go there), things will change dramatically, probably for the better.
I was pretty immature when I went to university; I was a year younger than most students, having just turned eighteen during the summer. I know I changed a lot during that first year. I passed through the zoo of living in residence, and then by second year I had enough of my act together to rent an apartment.