Did I say that?
How could Twissty possibly be an alcoholic wife-beater?
He hasn’t got a wife.
Badoom tish
Now take my wife…
…please.
Is this thing on?
No, seriously folks, take my wife, she’s Irish. Maybe Twisty’d like to come round my house and practice beating her to a pulp. If he can stop her from smacking me up for a few seconds. In fact, it’d give me more time to join my Irish cousins in destroying my liver.
I’m here all week, or until I get beaten up by hordes of drunken Irish people. Try the stew.
:rolleyes:
no, but you can forgive the implication I drew. Unless your luncheon is for the Anti-Irish League of course.
The jokes are not for me to tell, but someone else. I will not be attending the luncheon. It’s for a group of about 40 retirees who meet every month for lunch. March’s luncheon has a St. Patrick’s Day theme, but scarcely anybody in the group is identifiably Irish.
Ok, fair enough.
My point is still a valid one though.
TwistofFate just a few quotes from your website describing the band members.
http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/I_am_Spartacus/images/lg-160614.jpg
“mostly used before his ninth pint of the evening.”
“a neighbour and long time drinking partner of Damien’s.”
“and the drummer while they were all quite inebriated.”
"Confused yet? "
and BTW they say, turn about is fair play. A direct quote from YOU.
Most of us are lazy drunks, huh?
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=2244829&highlight=Americans#post2244829
Only thing is…I know you were just joking, right? 
As for myself, I’m a American born and raised in Texas with strong a Irish
ancestry. Now, reckon there’s a joke to be found there. I could agree w/ ya here like I did in the Cheese-eating thread, but there is a difference IMO between the two threads in their viciousness or intent. I almost took offence myself, but hell I’m an Irishman at heart myself AND if I may say so, I like to drink. As did my pa and his before him. So…in my case at least, if the shoe fits. heh 
chill-out cause we love you guys.
I’ve got a seemingly unoffensive joke I want to share, so I’m going to skip the argument and just get to it:
Seamus and Paddy are sitting in a boat fishing when Seamus pulls up a bottle with a cork in it. They open it up and a genie pops out and offers them one wish. After thinking about it for a while, Paddy pipes up and screams “I want you to turn this whole lock into Guinness.” Poof, the genie dissappears and all of the lake water truns to Guinness. A little hesitant at first, Paddy dips his mug over the side and takes a taste, and sure enough, it’s the best damned pint he’s ever had.
So, for the next few hours, the two sit around, dipping in their mugs and drinking back the cool, delightful brew. Suddenly, Seamus gets a stern look on his face and smacks Paddy screaming “God DAMNIT, Paddy, that was the stupidest damned wish you could have made!”
Paddy, confused, asks “What do you mean? We’re in a lock full of Guinness!” to which Seamus replies
“I know, and now we have to piss in the boat!”
Eh, I got a better one, but it’s kinda dirty, and seeing as how things are getting rather heated, I’ll leave it alone.
Pat and Mike were having a pint and watching the comings and goings at a house of ill repute across the street. They saw a minister go into the house and Pat said “Ah, Mikey. See what devils those protestants are.” Later, they say a rabbi go into the house and Pat said “See, Mikey. Those Jews are no better than the protestants.” A bit later, they watched as a Catholic priest went in the house, and Pat said “Take off your hat, Mikey. One of the girls has died.”
An English tourist goes into a pub to ask for directions.
“Barkeep, what’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?”
“Well now,” says the barkeep. “Would ye be walking or would ye be driving?”
“Driving,” says the tourist.
“Aye,” says the barkeep. “That’s the quickest way to get there.”
Colleen gets a phone call in the middle of the night from the foreman at the distillery: Her husband, Declan, died at work after falling into a vat of Jameson’s.
“Saints above!” cried Colleen. “Do ye think he suffered?”
“I doubt it,” said Declan’s foreman. “In fact, he climbed out of the vat twice to go take a piss.”
Guys, I have every imaginable right to tell all the Irish jokes I want. The “Dogs and Irish need not apply” signs have been gone since well before I was born. Lighten up.
This was a conversation between me and an Irish friend (JC):
JC: “You heard the news? They pulled five Irishmen out of the River Thames.”
MC: (Fully believing him) “No I didn’t hear that, that’s terrible!”
JC:" Apparently they trying to River Dance!!!"
Another favourite of his is:
Q: Why’s Ireland’s capital the biggest city in the country?
A: 'Cos it keeps on Dublin and Dublin!!!
One St. Patrick’s day back when Don & Mike were the morning guys for Xtra 104, one of 'em went into a Sean Connery impression and told something along the lines of this:
Seamus and Molly were farming folk around the turn of the 20th Century and they were expecting their first child. With Molly in labor, Seamus sat in the kitchen while the local doctor was upstairs. Eventually, the doc called out, “Seamus, the baby’s coming! Bring your lamp!”
Seamus ran upstairs and held the lamp while his wife gave birth to a baby girl. Then he headed back down to the kitchen to ponder how they’re going to feed another mouth. As he was halfway down the stairs, the doc called, “Hey come back with the lamp. Here comes another. It’s twins.”
Again he held the lamp while his second child, another beautiful baby girl was born. Then he went back down to the kitchen, worried about having two additional mouths to feed. Then the doc called again. “Seamus, bring the lamp back quick! Here comes one more!”
“I ain’t gonna,” Seamus yelled back. “I think the light’s attractin’ 'em!”
I missed the clean requirement so …
An American, and Australian and an Irishman are sitting on the scaffolding at the top of a new building eating their lunch and the American says ‘If I get tuna salad in my sandwich one more time, I’m going to throw myself of this building’.
The Australian open his lunch, looks at it and says ‘If I get cheese and Vegemite one more time, I’m going to throw myself of this building as well’,
And young Paddy sitting down the end open his lunch, takes a look and says ‘If I get a potato sandwich one more time, I’m going to throw myself off this building too’.
So the next day comes around and the lunch whistle blows, so they all sit down to lunch again. The American gets out his lunch and once again, it is tuna salad so he jumps off the building, the Australian gets out his lunch and lo and behold, it’s cheese and Vegemite, so he jumps off the building as well, then Paddy opens his lunch and with the potato sandwich still in hand he hurls himself off the building.
At the funerals a few days later, the wives are left lamenting the passing of their husbands and the American wife says ‘If only I had of known he hated tuna salad so much, I wouldn’t have made it every day’.
The Australia wife says ‘He’s been eating cheese and Vegemite since he was kid, ah, if only I had know, I wouldn’t have kept making the same sandwiches.’
Then the Irish wife pipes up and says ‘Oh it’s so sad what has happened, but Paddy made his own lunch’.
An Irish pilot got lost in a fog so he called the control tower for landing instructions.
‘Can you give me your height and position’ radioed back the tower.
‘About 5 foot 7 and sitting up the front’ said the Irishman.
An announcement came over the loudspeakers at Tullamarine airport.
‘Next plane for Athens with be at seven o’clock’.
‘Next plane for London with be at eight o’clock’.
‘Next plane for Dublin with be when the big hand is pointing straight up and the little hand is pointing at the nine’.
Paddy and Mick emigrate to Australia. Before leaving, Paddy’s old man tells him to ‘wotch owt for dem Aussie taxee droivers, thiy’ll rob you blind. Always barter with dem.’.
On arriving in Sydney the pair catch a cab from the airport to their city hotel. The meter reads $19.00.
‘That’ll be $19.00 please mate’ said the driver.
‘No way, oi know all about you cab droivers, Oi’ll give $15 and not a cent more’ said Mick.
‘Aye, and oi’ll only be giving you $15 too’ said Paddy.
Pat and Mick are standing on this huge cliff with an enormous drop below, Pat has a budgie on his shoulder and Mick has a parrot.
Pat decides to take the plunge and jumps, He lands at the bottom of the cliff, broken legs, arms bruises, You name it. He calls up to Mick, come on Mick we said we would do it.
Mick jumps and halfway down he pulls a gun out of his pocket and shoots the parrot, then lands splatt at the bottom. Broken arms, legs and Christ knows what else.
He turns to Pat, scratches his head and says ‘I don’t know, but there must be more to this budgie jumping and parrot shooting’
Hope they’re of more help.
(I want to preface this by affirming that I was raised Roman Catholic and have Irish blood in my veins. “Father forgive me for I am about to tell a joke.”):
It was St. Patrick’s Day and most everyone was celebrating boisterously in the streets. Inside the church Father O’Malley was spending the evening in the confessional and getting very little business. He perked up when he heard footsteps approaching and someone enter the adjoining compartment. After a minute of silence Father O’Malley decided to encourage the shy penitent. “Is there something I can do for you, my son?” he asked solemnly. “Ah there’s a good lad!” came the reply, “Have ya got any paper on your side?”
On the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary, Mary wakes Paddy with a twinkle in her eye. “Aye, Paddy; I want us to celebrate our 50th anniversary the way we celebrated our first morning of wedded bliss. We shall have breakfast in the nude, the way we did as newlyweds.”
Not yet quite awake, Paddy grudingly agrees. He goes downstairs after a wee bit, in his altogether; and finds that Mary has set the breakfast table for two and she is, indeed, in the nude. Paddy sits down at his end of the table, anticipating his morning tea. Mary leans over the table and takes Paddy’s hands in hers and looks him lovingly in the eye. “Oh Paddy darlin’, I love ye so much! My breasts are on fire for ye, like when I was a bride fifty years ago!”
Paddy exclaims “Daft Woman! yer teats are on fire because you’ve got one in ta’ oatmeal, ta other’s in the coffee!!”
As I’ve said in the thread, I’ve no problem with Irish jokes, as long as they aren’t offensive.
As I’ve said in the thread, most of the jokes so far have actually been pretty funny.
As I’ve said in the thread, I know we like a drink over here. We have the Second highest rate of consumption of alcohol per capita in the world. one of the biggest factors in our Tourist industry is about being able to have a drink and have a good time. We drink to excess. I’ve never denied that. But it is offensive to be labelled as an alcoholic wifebeater.
but in the spirit of the thread, Here’s an Irish joke that involves accents and a small knowledge of the drinks industry in Ireland.
An American sociologist was researching attitudes in the East coast of Ireland. He was in the Brewery town of Dundalk, and stopped in a local pub near the railway station. Looking around the pub, he could see a wide range of people drinking the local ale.
Striking up a conversation with an old man at the bar, he asked if the People of Dundalk were anti-semetic.
“Nah” replied the old man, “It’s just they prefer the taste of McArdles”.
This one only works if you can do an Irish brogue:
Irish Joke: Ted Kennedy.
Langerdan.
Typically ignorant DJs.
Assuming the accent of a Scotsman to tell an Irish joke …