But does TED JESUS CHRIST GOD know?
Theodorus is Greek for “God loving”, or something; an aptly name for this guy, I think, eh… never mind. 
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear this was written by Kurt Stocklmeir. But I don’t think he can write this well.
Relatively speaking.
Vlad/Igor
Theodore is “God’s gift,” actually.
Theophilus is “Lover of god.”
Theocopulyssus is “Crazy fuck who thinks he’s God,” which is might be the right name for a fellow like “Ted.” 
When did California seceed?
So the Time Cube guy got religion!
It’s also God’s favorite Bond film.
Quote:
Do not fart out loud or around people. Do this in a bathroom if possible.
An addendum from the prophet Road Rash: Do not fart out loud or around people * without first letting someone pull your finger*.
Yeah, that sort of disqualifies that as an apt name, doesn´t it?
If this is the second coming, somewhere a woman must be riding something, and possibly without her husband using her husband’s penis.
Do not taunt Happy Fun God.
Don’t drink soap! Keep out of eye! Dilute! Dilute! OK!
Heh!
I’m currently working for my county tax bureau (tis the season, tra-la-la) and I come across some…interesting names. Today I happened to stumble upon Mr. Christ D. King. And it’s on his tax return, so he better not be joking, Son of God or not!
Well, he convinced me… it doesn’t seem to be a joke site.
His “Prophesy” page is downright scarey in places. And not scarey accurate, it’s scarey insane.
Well, no. You can bob them, but not cut them clear off!
You can still save some of your heart for Jennifer Garner (or whoever).
Since “occult” means “hidden” I guess hide and seek is out…
God has more expertise (lots of practice), so only delegates this right to experts, like Saddam’s boys.
Nice to know that even TJCG allows for exceptions. Are ya listening, JWB?
But it’s okay to poison somebody else!
Give us some help here, TJCG. Which cities are wicked?
Isn’t your mate a close relative?
Too bad Tommy Chong didn’t read this one a few months ago.
But your private area is okay.
Familiar places are all right, though.
You may, however, grope them in the parking lot.
Guess it’s cheaper not to win the Lotto.
I don’t think this guy is scamming. He’s put in too much work for it to be a scam. And lots-of-work-scams are usually meticulous. This guy’s a french fry short of a McHappy Meal.
In his Prophecies, please notice:
WMD? I thought President Bush was the one who came up with that term! Jesus is quoting Bush now?
Ok, he really means it (notice use of exclamtion point). I’ve never seen use of “sooner or later” in a prophecy, but what do I know?
I think he means the time has come. Good thing. I was wondering when they would be dropped ~ you know ~ sooner or later.
So that’s if we didn’t get that #17 meant SOONER rather than LATER, right? Well, at least he gives us a chance to catch on.
Oh I GET IT! We have a choice! Do it quickly, more quickly, or later if I’m busy!
Well … that was Chapter 1 and I’m already tired. I’ve bookmarked it for a later time. It’s hard to absorb all of this. But I am looking forward to Chapter 2. I skimmed it just to see what was in store for me. And I saw:
Not half a dragon, not almost a dragon. A COMPLETE dragon! And Satan is MEAN too! Well now, this is earth shattering. I’ll rest up and continue sooner or later.
Someone should sic a ninja on this guy. If he thinks dragons are bad, a ninja wigging out would make this guy shit his public area.
Vanilla knoweth of the Power of Bob? Praise Dobbs!
Btw, this Ted lets it be hereby known that I am not associated in any way with the False Ted discussed here.
The ones that humanoid demons are taking over, duh!
From his prophecies:
Well that explains my ex-husband.