**Susie Derkins **had a great one recently…
Pregnant bitch on my front porch
Doo-dah, doo-dah…
I’m wearing glasses
… and nothing else!
I can’t think up a clever title so here’s some more sequential thread stuff
I can’t think up a clever title so here’s some more sequential thread stuff, who?
I’m not a racist but…
I sure love that Jerry Falwell! What a card!
Was about to post this link in a thread of it’s own, but saw this one - thought it’d fit right in: Quantas engineers are sarcastic barstards but very funny.
bahttp://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_172-1497-Aircraft-Maintenance-Logs.html
“Overall Windows XP has been a pretty good Operating System to date”
Me, I prefer to date women, but whatever floats your boat, pal…
“Selling FOOD on flights. WHAT?”
Next thing you know they’ll be selling AIR!!!
Just came back from The Aleutians
… and boy, are my arms tired!
What can’t you find recently?
A good sarcastic answer.
Kneel Before Zod!
Oh, no, I don’t swing that way.
High-Risk Sex [With a Girl]
Does it involve a bungee cord and high precision?
Michael Schiavo: Hero
I don’t know, he’s no Jet Li…
Could Dopers tell me their thoughts on Pink Floyd?
Dopers love Pink Floyd. And wallpaper. And hair. And Doritos.
**
What were the original Lucky Charms’ marshmallows?**
Brown shillelaghs, Amber ales, Dun puddings, and Grey Blarney Stones!
A coversation with my Mother-in- Law…
Is it that time of the year already?
Omigod, Discovery’s going to land at Edwards.
Shouldn’t Ed get out of the way?
Future of the South American Community of Nations?
They all meet a tall, dark stranger … then they all get tanked, have one night stands, and go broke on child support.
Workable solution, or just gross?
Depends on whether or not the cops find out.
Will George Bush be Impeached as President of the United States of America?
You have to be the real President before you can be impreached.
Why do so many people think that Ann Coulter’s books are true?
If half the population’s intelligence is above normal, then half the nation’s intelligence is below normal, and the bottom half of that explains Ann Coulter’s audience potential.
I have very little education, no real training, and a wishy-washy work ethic but I want to make some money for doing nothing, is there any job for me?
Yes. Be a fact checker for Ann Coulter.
What will be the greatest factor in the 2008 Presidential Election?
With the advent of electronic voting machines, whether the Democrats or Republicans have better hackers.
Will Jeb Bush be the next President of these United States?
Based on recent trends in voter demographics, not if Brad Pitt, Jay Leno, Mary Tyler Moore or Oprah toss their hat in the ring.
Who has the best signature on this board?
Keep dreaming bucko, even you are getting annoyed by that F***** smiley alert system, time to think up something less annoying!!!
**
Hey! Some people like it!**
Some people like Ann Coulter too! Some people liked the crucifixion, they’re all dead. Some people actually like the taste of melted velveeta and spam sandwiches, get over it!
You know you’re gonna get abuse for that crucifiction line.
I didn’t say whose crucifixtion, now did I. People are free to assume whomever.
For someone who went ahead and abused my sig like that didn’t you forget a little something?
I forget nothing. I am King of the Universe.
So Mr. King of the Universe, you knock my sig and then you forget to click the "show your signature button?
I am ZO, the Great and Powerful Ignore that man in boldface type.
Right. Dunce. Though I agree with you on the Coulter/Bush thing. God, where was Nancy Kassenbaum when we needed her?
I’ve Lost My Shower
Whew! I can tell. Please stand upwind.
Naked Naked Naked!!!
My eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!!
**Football Is Back! **
Ooooohhhhhh, I’m sooooo thrilled!
Can you replace striking workers?
And what are you going to strike instead?
Are you going to start striking your pets? Your kids? Look it’s bad enough you are striking workers but at least they are adults. Maybe some of them should start striking back you hostile bastard !!!
I Can’t Hear Myself Think
Sadly the problem isn’t because of the ambient volume…
[You fookin’ airhead feck! You gave away HARRY POTTER![/ur]
Don’t worry. Your 10 year old will get over it.
[url=http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329534]What exactly did I do to cause me to throw up?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=326105)
The broken mirror might be a clue.
How much do books make?
Minimum wage plus tips.
Can I make a self-contained mini-ecosystem?
Yup. Put sandwich in bag. Place bag over head.
Is it risky keeping a container of gasoline in a garage that gets very hot?
Not if you store it in open styrofoam cups on top the furnace.
Horse Racing: What’s the difference in the types of horses?
Some run faster then others.
What cars are the hardest & easiest to resell
In order: Broken ones. Working ones.
Breaking in to Public Relations
Try the credit card in the door strike trick.
What experiments can I do with hydrochloric acid?
I always liked the “Where’d the puppy go?” experiment myself.
Why do you get out of breath and fast heartbeat in a sauna or hot tub?
That would be the sex.
What’s the difference in 4x4 and 4x2 drive to a citified driver like me?
8
What type of doctor am I looking for?
An unmarried handsome one.
Why do naps make me feel depressed?
Because it gives you time to reflect on how much your life sucks
From GQ:
**Can you replace striking workers **
Well, you could just kick them instead.
**How much do books make? **
$1.25 an hour less than men, for the same work.
**What bone am I “cracking” in my chest? **
Might I suggest the room with the padded walls?
**How does radiation kill? **
With kindness.
**Can I make a self-contained mini-ecosystem? **
Have you seen my toilet?
Speaking of suckage, check out that coding.
**Canucks Throw Cheese In Lake. Bosda Bemused. **
Bosda needs to get out more.
Ack! Mods, I hate to think that some people actually “like the taste of melted velveeta and spam sandwiches”. Can we get the words “TMI” added to the thread title? 
Moderator Warnings – why no email?
Then I gues you have never receved an official warnng.
It’s usually sent by Candy-Gram.
Other preferred methods include:
smoke signals
semaphore flags
Dixie cup and a string
Note tied to a rock and thrown through your window
**Database question: difference between normalized and denormalized data? **
de
**when should you start getting prostate exam? **
When monkeys fly up my butt.
**How long do I have to chew a gumball to hit negative calories? **
It’s like a Tootsie-roll pop. You have to reach the center – that’s where they put the negative calories.
**Whence the expression “Now we’re cooking with gas?” **
It was a chef who was making baked beans.
**What is this little car I keep seeing? **
It’s a Chevy Hallucination.
**Why dogsleds? **
Because dogs don’t know how to ski.
Can I ask a stupid math question?
Yes, that’s what this forum(GQ) is for. We reserve the right to provide a stupid math answer.
The Official I-gotta-share-cute-pet-pictures thread
The Official I-gotta-wonder-whether-this-was-worth-$14.95 thread
What Is Your State’s License Plate Numbering Convention
The second week in March at the convention center. But it’s so boring even the hookers don’t come by anymore.
Toast falling downards
Remember, the Best Man should always stay sober before the reception
Humpty Dumpty’s portrayal as an egg
Better than Pacino but still not as good as Olivier
What experiments can I do with hydrochloric acid?
The fatal ones
Help me figure out how my old web pages got hacked
Just email me your password and I’ll get right on it
Best vegetarian hot dogs ever!
It’s the vegetarian rodent droppings that make all the difference!
Tell me about Cleveland, Ohio
Okay. Got a second?