Ah, crap. I’m uncoordinated too!
And someone else mentioned loud car stereos; I don’t suppose it makes a difference what kind of music I play?
le sigh I’ll be burninated at the stake for sure. Farewell, cruel world! 
We call Thrivent “Christ Credit”.
Shoes are my irk today. TheKid and I have too many shoes which tend to live on the kitchen floor, rather than on the shelf. I whacked my knee on the cupboard while trying to maneuver through the shoe landmines in the drak this morning. Gah.
I shall fling my gauntlets wheree’r I may, Jack.
OF COURSE I’m talking about the nimrods who try to bypass traffic!
And I’ll laugh when I pass you getting ticketed by the state trooper who now sits and waits for prey such as yourself, it’s gotten that bad on my ride to work. He stopped me a ways back (before I had seen the light) and said he gets a steady stream of tickets from just this one stretch of road. You are not getting anywhere faster than I am–we all have to stop AGAIN and let you merge ahead. It’s stupid. Leave for work 5 minutes earlier and you wouldn’t have this problem.
Who’s next? I’ll fight all of you, you damned bastards! <makes fists and snarling noises>
Oooh, I have a new one. “Pees people off.” Who says that? I may have to break your nose.
THANK you, eleanorigby. I want to be on my own. When my allergies are acting up and I have to sneeze, do I need to hear “bless you”* every damn time*? No, I do not. Even worse, when I get the hiccups, do I need to hear a comment *every time * I hiccup? No, I do not.
Yes, I know hiccups are funny and I will gladly accept anything funny you have to say about them (has anybody come up with anything funny to say about them?)
Me: Hiccup.
Boss: Oh, my, you have the hiccups!
Me: Yes – Hiccup.
Boss: Oh, my goodness!
Me: Hiccup (drinks water)
Boss: Wow, you’ve really got them!
Me: Uh-huh. Hiccup (holds breath)
Boss: Gosh!
Me: Hicc*up
Boss: Golly!
ad infinitum.
What is the point of this conversation? She knows I have them, I know I have them, they will eventually go away . . . what?
You made me laugh–thanks. I hate when people call attention to stuff like that. I also hate it when people stand and wait for me to finish choking/coughing/crying/laughing/hiccuping whatever.
Why are you watching me, freak?
Ok, so probably I just hate people.
You know, that brings up another pet peeve of mine. Banks have been sodomizing the concept of good spelling for a while now (“GrothInvesBanq: We’re so rich that we can just make shit up”). But what’s up with this recent fad dictating that every contrived name has to be a vaguely Latin-sounding word ending in vowel+nt? (By Latin, I mean Cicero, not J. Lo). Thrivant, Mirant, Chordiant, Naviant, Lucent. I get the sense that they’re trying to achieve some sort of assonance with other smart-sounding words. But when I try to think of what those words may be, all I can think of is ‘excrement’.
Dookient… waste management solutions for the new millenium… hmm, it sort of has a ring…
Turn off “smart” pointer or “snap to”, under the mouse settings in control panel.
It takes something unusual to get me to laugh out loud. That did it. Well done, sir.
Who the hell lets someone else open their cigarette packs?!?! You’ll break all the superstitions and then next thing you know condors will carry your children away!
Ooh, can I add - along the lines of the slow fast-food orderers - the people who pay for stuff at a store with a check and wait until their order is entirely scanned in before they even take out their checkbook? Hey, you know you’re going to have to actually give them the check, so at least start writing it as they’re ringing up your cartful of groceries. And do not, under any circumstances, continue standing there to ‘balance your checkbook’ or whatever you’re doing. Your turn is over, take your groceries, and move. (Bonus tip: they’ve got these nifty debit cards now. Does exactly what a check does, but faster all around. Welcome to 20th century, we’ll be waiting for you here in the 21st.)
I was watching yesterday’s basketball playoff game and one of the idiot announcers, I’m not sure who, continually referred to the basket as the “cup”, as in “LeBron drives to the cup.”
Damn it, you can call it the basket, the hoop, the bucket the goal or the hole, but not the “cup”. In sports the cup can refer to only trophies, like the World Cup or the Stanley Cup, or the hole in golf (and even that I don’t cotton to.)
In little league baseball I wore a cup.
Maybe the announcer was correct, you mistakenly thought he was referring to the basket.
Oh, I forgot about Thursday last week. How about if you have 4 small kids, let’s not take them to the haircut place all at the same time right around time that everyone is getting off work? None of these kids are old enough to have been in school all day and you’re not dressed like you’ve been at work all day, so how about you take the kids in at noon, when the rest of us aren’t trying to squeeze things in at the end of the day? Unless you’re getting them boot camp shaves and each kid will only take 30 seconds, get out of my way.
It’s because of folks like you, I guess, that PennDOT spent some money on signs that say “Use Both Lanes To Merge Point.”
It makes better traffic flow than having everybody getting into one lane too early.
I follow PennDot’s instructions and generally end up passing a long, long line of folks who merged prematurely. Lots of them look pretty angry. They should be angry at nobody but themselves, though, since they are the ones who aren’t following instructions, not me.
The lady who sits behind me at work will wait till we’re all alone, then suddenly laugh out loud and say things like, “Oh! Oh, no!” chuckle chuckle chuckle Obviously this puts this onus on me to turn and say, “What’s so funny?” and get dragged into a long stupid conversation in which she will waste my time and lean in way too close to my face. Fuck you, bitch, I’m not turning around!
When I am working in my shop, I don’t always hear the phone, or can stop to answer it, so I let the answering machine pick up. At least once a week - “Hi, this is Joe Blow and I need to talk to you/order parts/ask a question, so if you could call me back, I would appreciate it.”
So sorry, but not everyone has Caller ID on their answering machine, so if you don’t leave a phone number, I don’t have time to call every Joe Blow in the country to find you. Are you stupid, or just too lazy to leave a number?
When people send me their parts for me to work on, I always tell them to include a note with their name, phone number and a return address. A couple of times a month I get parts in and don’t know where I am supposed to return them because they have not done this.
I can’t simply use the return address from the label on the box they shipped me the parts in because, 1) the box was shipped from a Mailboxes Etc/UPS Store/other postal business, and doesn’t have a customers address on it, 2) with online shipping services widely available, a lot of people ship from home/work, but don’t want to receive packages at home/work, so it is nice to know for sure, 3) parts were shipped from one place, but are supposed to be drop-shipped to another.
When you finally call me several weeks later, asking where your damn parts are, don’t get upset with me because you left me no name, address, phone number or email where I can reach you or send stuff to. Dumbass.
At least once a week, "Hello. I see from your website that you specialize in rebuilding old Ford steering components. Do you also rebuild Toyota transmissions/Audi brake systems/Dodge air suspension parts/Porshe rack & pinion assemblys/Caterpillar axles/etc.
Uh, no.
I average about 2.5 idiots a week on the phone. Judging from many of the threads I have read on the SDMB, I am very fortunate.
Argh, I sometimes work with this lady, only it’s worse. “How you gonna do that with your purse?” “Why that child out on its own?” “Four hundred DOLLARS?” Either she thinks I’m reading the news over her shoulder, or she wants me to ask, “What child?”
Thankfully never happened to me, but that would have driven me even quicker to purchasing my own clipper than the slow lines already did.
I think it should be obvious from my very short hair when I come in that it won’t take more than 10 minutes to do my hair. You wouldn’t think that I’d have to consistently wait 30 minutes to actually sit down.
Sure, I don’t look quite as good for a couple days after I clip myself but it is so worth it to not be out the $15 and a good hour of my time listening to stupid soul pop crap.
ETA: what I meant to say all along is if your kids ARE getting camp shaves, i’m sure it wouldn’t be all that hard to do it yourself. I don’t look TOO much worse in reality than I did before I did it myself and I’ve only been doing it for a couple months.