Wait…you’re single…female …and a tech…
Pardon me, but I would like to have a long chat with you about hard drives hopefully culminating in a demonstration of my burst transfer rate…
It also suggests a lack of niceness.
I know this thread was mostly about Auto, but I appreciate all the advice given (even when it’s hard to accept some of it, I mean I can’t have problems! 
) It’s allowing me to get out of the self-pity rut, and realize that something will happen eventually…
but it won’t happen if I keep being secluded and shy. Need to work on that, among MANY other problems.
Thanks all.
I haven’t seen a whole lot to indicate to me that Autolycus is particularly nice. For the most part he seems arrogant, hostile, defensive and a bit narcissistic and I have a hard time believing that doesn’t find it’s way into his relationships.
What is it that you think being “nice” means?
The other question I have is what are you actually complaining about? It sounds like you started dating at a reasonable age and have been in three serious reasonably long-term relationships. Are you pissed off because you aren’t married or because girls aren’t throwing themselves at you for one night stands or something?
Jeez, why don’t you just hand me the razorblades already?
Warning: PMS influenced answer ahead.
I’ve always thought a “nice guy” was the male equivalent of a girl having a “great personality.” It seems as though it’s some sort of consolation prize that’s clung to, regardless of what reality is, to make up for some real or perceived lack in social skills and/or physical attractiveness.
When women have bouts of low self-esteem and try to comfort themselves over watching “bitches” get all the male attention, they’ll focus on what makes them interesting, their intelligence, wit, etc. They’ll denigrate the other women by thinking that underneath the attractive exterior their rivals are stupid.
When men have bouts of low self-esteem and try to comfort themselves over watching “jerks” get all the female attention, they’ll focus on how they’re “nice guys.” They’ll denigrate the other men by thinking that their rivals are assholes who don’t deserve the women they’ve attracted.
Actually, in hindsight, I take it back. I don’t think there’s such thing as too old. I think people can change at any age.
He doesn’t seem to want one night stands… and if he does, something doesn’t add up. He broke up with at least 2 of his exes due to incompatible life issues (kids, marriage). That to me suggests he wants something more serious than a one night stand… or several.
He put it nicely…I have in my dating history run across some very very emotionally damaged people. We are talking things like women who were physically abused for 10-15 years of marriage that, if you move too quick around them they will put their hands up to block what they think may be an incoming punch. I have seen that several times. Between physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, rapes, neglect, health problems and flat out crazy you really learn to appreciate the ones who have been spared some of the crap life dishes out.
Not to say that any of the above are insurmountable problems, but they often create relationship issues that many guys are not emotionally equipped to deal with or work around.
I married a guy who has his own strong opinions, his own strong likes, his own strong dislikes, his own strengths, his own weaknesses. In short, he’s a real person, not some weird storybook Prince Charming. He’s not a blank just waiting for me to mold him into what I want.
I went on a date with a guy who had no personality. It was a blind date and I could have pushed my girl friend through a window afterward because it was miserable. He didn’t have any opinions unless I expressed them first. I felt like I was on a date with Play-Doh.
Grr. Double post.
Well, why don’t you volunteer to bare yourself on a public message board for all to see, and we can nitpick your perceived (real or imagined) foibles and neuroses to death? I for one admire Auto for deciding to come here and reveal his inner worries and desires, and frankly he doesn’t deserve half (yes half, not necessarily all) the shit he is getting here from the armchair shrinks. Perhaps he is caught in the Nice Guy trap, perhaps there is some other issue, or (say it ain’t so!) he is a perfectly fine young dude who really isn’t doing anything wrong and simply hasn’t found the right woman yet. I dare not speculate as I find it patronizing and presumptuous.
[Devils’ Advocate mode, one of my favorite roles]
Auto, carve your own brave path through the universe and the right gal will eventually intersect it. I gather that you are rather brighter than the teeming masses, and that to name one can be isolating (yeah believe me I know). I’d rather do that than change and edit myself to make myself “attractive” to someone else (just to satisfy what “society’s norms” demand of you), just so that she can reject that persona at some later point, ultimately to find that you don’t have either a SO or a true self anymore. The right woman won’t be obsessive about weighing and judging every last little action of yours (as many here suggest they will), an unending series of litmus tests that will ultimately drive you mad. Shine on you crazy…well you know. 
Perhaps. But the premise of his OP was not “What is wrong with me?”, the premise was very clearly, “What is so wrong with women that they don’t like me?” When you make a statement like that which generalizes an entire gender and projects your insecurities onto them, you’re inviting the types of responses which he has received. Throughout this thread he’s shown that he has a misunderstanding of the intentions of women (at least the ones who have responded here), that is probably the crux of his problem but has chosen to lash out at us for pointing out that it might be more his fault than he’s previously understood.
So yes, be proud of him for facing his problems, but take that with a grain of salt. He’s airing his grievances with women, and he’s getting responses from women which don’t mesh with his worldview.
I find it ironic that he’s asked for opinions, gotten them, defensively dismissed them, and somehow he’s “getting a lot of undeserved shit”. Huh?
And Auto, just so you know, this has evolved into a critique of guys with similar perspectives that you have, and not entirely an attack on you in particular. I just hope you have honestly read all of the responses and taken them seriously.
Also, thank you for your apology.
I’m not saying you said this in particular, I’m just trying to call attention to one of the subtle dangers of this attitude that I didn’t pick up on myself for a long time. If you’ve got it in better perspective, that’s a very good thing.
I really hate guys who call themselves nice guys, or think of themselves as nice guys. Anyone who honestly thinks about their personality knows that they have mean thoughts and do mean things all the time.
Certainly, a guy should strive to be nice, but if you have the mentality “I’m a nice guy” you’re probably a self-pitying insecure loser.
This cracked me up. This is one type of humor that is attractive to me.
Auto, I’m a 21 year old female checking in here, 2 serious relationships under my belt (3 years and 1 year). I’ve dated a variety of other guys, and if you’re really that concerned about your nose, you’re either 1) Really self conscious and with low self esteem or 2) Not really as good looking as you claim to be. Or it’s getting in the way of your cock. In which case you should definitely get the rhinoplasty done.
I’m echoing here what liberty3701said - I’m not a slave to my genes. I’m not out for the richest or hottest guy - in fact, a few of my short relationships were with these types, and they were totally unbalanced – eg their lives were ruled by their one singular trait, and it seemed there wasn’t much more to them, nor did they want there to be more to them. What I do want - and this is in order of importance - is a tremendous sense of humor, intelligence/personality, general kindness/affability, and fourth as earning potential comparable to mine. I’m not a gold digger - but you shouldn’t be either. I have had knock on wood! no trouble finding men to fit the bill.
Women want different things, and if you’re ready to settle down/get really serious at the ripe old age of 24, then you’re going to find older women who want the same thing.
I can guarantee you one thing - I don’t like assholes, but I hate the emo “why me” types just as much. You’ve had a number of cool posts; don’t doubt yourself. Get out there! Take a spin class, go on a gallery crawl, go to a low key club with a wingman…and look for the girl telling stories with her hands while others crack up and press her to go on. She’s not going to be the thinnest, and she won’t have the highest heels on. But she won’t expect you to pay and she won’t have body image issues that get in the way of getting busy…
Right so I’m not sure what he wants. It doesn’t sound like he’s having trouble with girls thinking he’s too “nice”. It sounds like he just hasn’t found the right woman yet.
Yeah, I was pretty much just whining and venting in the OP. I’m not a “Nice Guy,” and often times I am not even nice in the good way :smack: It’s been a rough 3 weeks, which I’ll share through PM, and I just got really upset and confused about relationships.
I do sometimes suffer from a negative body-image, but honestly most of the time it’s 3) I just don’t like my nose… I think it’s too big. Lots of people have body parts they’re not fond of.
I think I’m gonna work on expanding my social scene in general. Picking up chicks will not be the main focus. Thank you for the words of encouragement though 
Mmmm…how big is your front side bus?
I noticed you live at 192.168.0.1. I live at 192.168.1.1. We’re neighbors!